


All I Wanna Do is Wrong

by promisedescape



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 53,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24598543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/promisedescape/pseuds/promisedescape
Summary: Maki meets a man at the club that makes her feel so alive that, when she gets back to her friend's place, she decides to take some photos that make her feel sexy and send them his way. The next day, she (against her will) goes to see her new therapist, and... there's a slight problem.*Trigger warning: sexual expression, including the taking and sharing of nude photos (please note the characters involved are of age, and all acts of sexual expression are primarily intended to be done in a self empowering fashion for the characters), self harm (chapter 10)
Relationships: Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito
Comments: 20
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

Maki’s world was tilted from where she sat at the club’s bar. She didn’t realize her head was lolling off to the side until she physically took her hand and pushed it straight up. She plucked another shot glass up off of the counter once her world was right side up again and threw it back, her vision blurring slightly as the club’s bright lights and the music’s heavy bass attacked her senses. The onslaught was somehow heavenly, at least compared to the hell of her daily life.

She wondered briefly where Kaede had gone off to. She was missing all the fun, although she supposed that came along with being the designated driver. But Kaede had always been more interested in dancing at places like these than drinking anyway. Maki couldn’t relate. She liked forgetting where she was- who she was. She liked losing herself the way she only could with all of the alcohol in the world flowing through her veins. 

A man sat down beside her, but she didn’t so much as glance at him as she took her upteenth shot glass and sent it straight down her throat in a single gulp. She tried counting the empty glasses in front of her to see what number she was on, but it was hard to count when her vision kept blurring, and one shot glass suddenly looked like it could be three. 

“I’ll have a water,” the man beside her cut in when the bartender came to ask if she wanted another round of shots all for herself. He raised an eyebrow but left to go get his water without a word.

“You’re a real party pooper,” Maki muttered, leaning her head on top of her arms, which she had folded on the counter. “Who drinks  _ water _ at a club?”

“People who don’t drink,” the man replied, “but it’s not for me. It’s for you.”

“Excuse me?” Maki asked, lifting her head and staring him down. “Who are you to order drinks for me?” With a lopsided smirk, she added, “Do you like me?”

“I’m someone who doesn’t want you to have the worst hangover tomorrow,” he said, gesturing to the empty glasses in front of her. “Someone as small as you doesn’t have the tolerance to drink all that and not suffer the consequences.” 

“I’m not small,” Maki said, sitting up taller to prove it. “And I’m an adult. I can make decisions for myself.” Unfortunately, the way she was slurring her words, it sounded pretty much incomprehensible. “You didn’t answer my last question,” she pointed out, and the man could just barely make the comment out.

“I don’t even know you,” he said, a single eyebrow raised. “I just know you like to drink way more than you should.”

“But am I pretty?” Maki asked, adjusting her top, pulling its already plunging neckline down further, and cocking her head to the side. 

“I mean, yeah,” the man said, rubbing the back of his neck. He only stopped when the bartender came back with his water, and he quickly paid the man- and gave him a generous tip. “But so are a lot of people.”

“Are you trying to say I’m just ordinary?” Maki took the glass of water when he nudged it in her direction but didn’t drink out of it as she stared him down. 

“I’m not saying anything,” he said, shaking his head. There was no winning this argument, if it could even be called an argument.

“Maki!” a voice said as it squeezed through the crowd toward them. Maki turned to see Kaede, who tugged on her wrist and asked, “Come dance? You can’t drink all night.”

Maki glanced at her array of empty glasses and sighed. She knew Kaede was right- and she supposed this man was too, but she wouldn’t admit that if she didn’t have to. She set her water down and got up to follow Kaede before turning around and tugging the man’s sleeve. 

“What is it?” he asked after swallowing a gulp of the water himself. 

“Dance with me,” she said. It was more of a demand than a question, but the man still hesitated. “I’m gonna prove to you that I’m not ordinary.”

He chuckled and put his glass down with a bit more force than necessary. “I like that energy! Alright! But I’m not a great dancer, so you’re gonna have to take the lead.”

“I’m fine with that,” Maki breathed, leading him into the fray. She had to hold onto his hand to stay together, but, once they found their own little pocket of space, she dropped it to run her hands down her body. At first, her dancing was just kinda her bouncing to the rhythm of whatever song was playing, but she quickly grew tired of that- and more daring. 

Her hands stretched toward the sky before finding themselves running through her hair over and over again as its gigantic length fell out of its ponytail and upon her shoulders. And she turned around, away from the man, but, rather than abandon him, she grinded back on his crotch. She didn’t oppose him when his hands found their way onto her hips, squeezing the supple flesh like it was the only thing anchoring him to this earth. 

She laughed like she hadn’t laughed in a long time, turning back around to face him. She couldn’t hear it over the music, but she could tell on his face that he was laughing too. And he wasn’t drunk like she was. 

After a few songs, she pulled him out of the crowd, so she could hear him again. She forgot what his voice sounded like, her mind in shambles after all those shots, and she wanted it forever in her memory. “What’s your-” she started speaking, but, before she could get the words out, his mouth was on top of hers. 

She bit his lower lip, so he’d let her have access to his tongue. He fed into her greed, greedy himself for the same exact thing. They battled for dominance, but they both knew that she would come out on top. It was all just a show, a dance, some foreplay. 

Maki felt a tug on her sleeve, and she tried to ignore it, but she had to come up for air and couldn’t just ignore that. As she pulled her face from his and breathed in deep, she didn’t miss his scent- sandalwood or something that smelled an awful lot like it. She almost forgot the tugging until it started again, and she glanced to the side.

Kaede stood right there, pointing at her iPhone that clearly read three A.M. They had agreed to leave at two, but she certainly didn’t expect Maki to remember that. Still, she got the point and turned back to the man with a frown. He seemed to understand what Kaede was saying too and took hold of Maki’s wrist, gesturing for Kaede to follow too as he led her to the bar. 

He took his phone out of his pocket and immediately opened his contacts before handing it over to Maki. She fumbled with it in her drunken state but was still able to make a new contact with her information. 

Once she had handed it back over, Kaede gently took hold of her arm and helped her stumble out of the club. She leaned on the other woman’s shoulder the entire walk to her car and didn’t argue like she might have if she was sober when Kaede helped her step inside and get strapped in. 

Kaede loosed a heavy sigh as she got in the driver’s seat, but Maki was focused on playing with her phone, even as the woman ranted about how she just couldn’t get Miu and her new relationship with Keebo off her mind- even as she danced the night away. She ranted about it for a couple minutes before she realized Maki wasn’t listening and let out yet another sigh. 

“You’re coming to stay at my place for the night by the way,” Kaede spoke, and Maki finally looked up from her phone, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not in the state to be looking after children,” she explained. “You can go back in the morning. I’m sure you won’t be in the best state then either with how much you drank, but you should at least not be wasted.” 

“I’m not wasted,” Maki argued, running a hand through her hair and putting it back up in a ponytail with a band she kept on her wrist. 

“What was the name of that guy you were making out with?” Kaede raised an eyebrow, glancing her way briefly as they were stopped at a red light.

“I don’t know,” Maki said. She quickly added, “Because I didn’t ask! Not because I’m wasted!”

“Would you have made out with a guy whose name you didn’t even know if you  _ weren’t  _ wasted?” 

She had a point, but Maki puffed out her cheeks and said nothing. She went back to playing with her phone, just kinda going in and out of different apps while waiting for the man from the club to text her. He still hadn’t by the time they got to Kaede’s place.

Kaede let Maki walk up to her apartment on her own, figuring she was present enough mentally by then to do so. She wobbled a bit on her feet here and there, but she managed on her own until she stumbled into the guest room, and her knees gave out. She fumbled around, pushing herself up into a sitting position. 

When she looked up, she was face to face with a mirror. It was small and oval shaped but tall enough to capture one’s whole body. She could clearly see her face with its swollen lips and smeared makeup, her hair with her crazed bangs and a giant section of it stuck to her neck with sweat, her intense cleavage where she had pulled her shirt down again and again to show it off (and she didn’t even have much to show off in the first place).

Her phone buzzed, and she almost didn’t notice, she was so fixated on her reflection. She glanced down at it to see a text message pop up on her screen that simply read:  _ Make it home okay? _

She looked back up at herself and cocked her head to the side, the gears in her mind turning at a snail’s pace in her drunken state. She found herself tugging her shirt off, then her bra. Her skirt followed, and she had already kicked her heels off by Kaede’s door. She considered taking off her panties but decided after some deliberation that they could stay. 

She didn’t text the man from the club back, not at first- she had some work to do before she could do that. She posed in front of the mirror- arm flung over her breasts, (admittedly leaving little exposed, but it was enough to make her feel sexy), neck extended like someone was about to take a bite, her panties all she had on and covering little to nothing. 

The pictures came out beautiful- even she could recognize that. She didn’t want to look away when her phone buzzed again, but she was curious. 

_ Hey. You good? _

She chewed on her lower lip to keep herself from grinning.  _ Yep.  _ Inhaling sharply, she sent a follow-up message,  _ You want some pictures? _

He immediately responded,  _ Pictures? Sure.  _ She wondered if he had any idea what he was getting himself into as she selected her favorites and hit send. He didn’t say anything at first, even though she was sure he was on his phone. She had a gut feeling. 

“Maki?” Kaede spoke, knocking gently on the door, and she nearly jumped out of her skin as she grabbed her shirt to cover herself, but Kaede didn’t open the door. “I left some pajamas and a towel out here for when you wanna take a shower. I just finished mine, so the bathroom’s all free.” After a moment’s silence, she added, “Goodnight. I hope you don’t feel like complete shit in the morning.” 

Maki could hear her steps as she walked away, and her shoulders fell from where they reached the tips of her ears to their normal position. She didn’t know how she would explain why she was practically naked in front of the mirror to her friend- as sexy as she felt, that would have been way too awkward. 

Looking back at her phone, she frowned, seeing that he still hadn’t responded and decided, instead of waiting, she would go and take a shower- because, as good as she looked, she could feel the layer of sweat covering her body. Those lights at the club were intense, and she’d spent hours underneath them. 

She threw her shirt and skirt back on, despite how grimey she felt doing so, and inched out of her door, grabbing the towel and pajamas that Kaede had left her as she stumbled toward the bathroom. 

Maki sighed as she stepped back inside the guest room, still feeling the heat of the shower on her skin. She dropped onto the bed, curling up in the blankets with a groan of pleasure. She almost forgot she’d left her phone on the floor when she heard it buzz and lifted her head, eyebrows furrowed, to stare down at where it sat by the mirror. 

Was it worth getting up to check what was happening, or should she just check on it in the morning? It crossed her mind that it might not be the man from the club at all but could be from work instead, and she shook her head- she didn’t want to know what was going on back at work when she could stay swathed in blankets and ignore the rest of the world instead. 

So she laid her head down on top of the pillows again and curled up even further into a ball. And she slept like a baby. 

She could hear shuffling around the room but didn’t open her eyes to check what was going on. Her head hurt, and she didn’t want to open her eyes, which ached and throbbed. But, one second, she was in the dark, and, the next, she was bathed in light that stung and burned, even with her eyes closed. 

She peeled them open as she crawled in the direction of the shades, wanting to pull them down again, but Kaede’s hand caught hers before she could do anything. 

“It’s time to wake up,” she said, lowering her hand back down to the bed and patting it gently. “You have an appointment with your therapist, remember?” 

“How’d you know about that?” Maki groaned as she stuffed her face into a pillow to avoid the light.

“Shuichi told me when I told him we were going out,” Kaede replied and sat on the edge of the bed. “Did you really think you could get out of this that easily?”

“I was hoping,” Maki admitted, her voice muffled by the pillow. But it seemed Kaede still understood. 

“I have to get to work, and you are not missing your appointment, so we both need to get up,” Kaede told her, reaching out to shake her shoulder. “Now.” 

Maki groaned, pushing herself up off of the bed and ducking her head when it got hit by a particularly strong ray of sunlight. 

“I made you breakfast,” Kaede added, not unlike a mother as she gently pushed Maki’s back and led her out of the room but not without Maki plucking her phone off of the floor first. The kitchen was rather small with pretty much only the bare necessities as Kaede hadn’t moved in all that long ago, but Maki moved to the small table in the corner where there was a plate with toast and a banana and three different mugs, one of water, one of juice, and another of tea. There were also a couple tablets of aspirin off to the side, which she immediately shoved in her mouth and washed down with the tea because everything  _ hurt _ . 

Kaede grabbed a granola bar from one of the cabinets for herself, and Maki would have asked if that was really all she was going to eat, but she knew Kaede long enough to know she had trouble eating much of anything first thing in the morning. She was merely peeling her banana when the other woman asked, “So did that guy from the club ever end up texting you?”

The previous night came rushing back to Maki, and she felt her face flushing. Kaede, seeing this, raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth to say something, but, before she could, Maki asked, “Do you wanna die?”

Kaede just laughed. She knew Maki would never hurt her. They’d been through too much together for her to have any doubts about that. “Fine. Don’t tell me,” she said as she got herself a glass of milk to go along with her bar. “I’ll just find out when you inevitably tell me or Shuichi.” 

“You guys are the ones who are always saying I never tell you anything. Now, you’re acting like I’m some kind of blabbermouth,” Maki argued. She bit into her toast, even though it was slightly burned around the edges. 

“Let me know if you’re not gonna drink all of that,” Kaede said instead of responding to her. “Because, if you don’t, I will.”

Maki sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to get an answer out of her and silently taking another sip of her tea. However, she saw that she did in fact have some text message notifications she hadn’t checked and opened her messages app to see what that was all about. 

She nearly dropped her phone and immediately turned it away from Kaede, so she wouldn’t see. The woman leaned forward like a little gossip who needed to know more. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing!” Maki was practically shouting but quieted her voice to repeat herself, “Nothing.”

“If you say so,” Kaede said with a sigh, grabbing her purse from where it sat on the counter and slinging it over her shoulder. “Anyway, I have to get to work. You have your spare key, right?” 

Maki nodded and waited for her to leave before looking back down at her phone. Although she had sent multiple pictures, the man only sent one, but it was enough to make her feel her body flush all the way down to her chest. He was shirtless and seemingly boxerless as well with only a towel obscuring his private parts from view, a towel that was so low on his hips it looked mere seconds from falling. 

His message wasn’t quite so suggestive though, asking,  _ You’re not just doing this to prove you’re not ordinary, right? _

She frowned. Was she just trying to prove she wasn’t ordinary? She thought back to how she felt the previous night while taking those pictures- she had felt sexy. And she had felt powerful sending them to him. She was hours late, but she responded,  _ No. Of course not.  _ And, then, she went back to eating her breakfast. She still had about an hour and a half before she had to leave for her therapy session, so she let herself take her time. She definitely felt a bit better after getting some food in her stomach and rehydrating herself but not enough that her head had stopped pounding or anything. 

Kaede had spare toiletries for guests but not extra clothes, so Maki went into her wardrobe, immediately looking for something comfortable. It wasn’t her typical style, but it was the only thing she would tolerate when she felt so under the weather. So she grabbed a simple T-shirt from the university Kaede taught piano at and a pair of black leggings that she knew she wouldn’t miss, seeing as she had a million other pairs. It would look strange paired with her heels, but she didn’t have the mental capacity to care at that very moment. 

She was scrolling through her other notifications, specifically a couple texts from her boss. She was just reading how he said they’d be having a guest over, so he told the kids to stay upstairs and expected the same of her, when she got another text from the man from the club. She stared at his number. Now that she was able to think a bit more clearly, she recognized it from somewhere, but she didn’t know where. She hadn’t made a contact with it yet, so she supposed it couldn’t be that important, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was forgetting something regardless. 

His message read,  _ So, Maki Roll, you feel like meeting up or something? I have work until six, but I’m free after that.  _

She was surprised to see him use her name while she still had no idea what his was, but she supposed she had filled out a contact for herself, even if she had been drunk while she did so. But, more importantly, she wondered who he thought he was calling her something like  _ Maki Roll _ ?

_ That’s not my name _ , she texted back instead of answering him.  _ I’ll think about it when you call me by my name.  _ After a moment, she thought about it and added,  _ And when you tell me yours.  _

She could see him typing and stared as he did. The little text bubble showed up and disappeared and showed up and disappeared, and she raised an eyebrow, although she knew he couldn’t see it. 

_ I like the nickname Maki Roll though! It’s cute _ , he wrote. She clenched her eyes shut and breathed in, trying not to let her distaste get the best of her.  _ And I’m Kaito! Kaito Momota! _

She held her phone tighter in her hand, seeing that name. She was forgetting something important. She knew that name- she knew she did, but where was it from? 

She glanced at the time on her phone and sighed. She had to get to her appointment. She didn’t have time to be worrying over what was probably nothing. So she opened her Uber app, got herself a ride, and headed outside to wait for them.

Maki only remembered that she hadn’t responded to Kaito once she sat down in the waiting room and started to draft a response when she heard someone coming down the stairs. 

“I’ll see you next week,” a man said. His voice was familiar, but she didn’t look up from her phone as she was still typing. “You... must be Maki,” he said slowly, and she raised an eyebrow at the clear hesitation in his voice and lifted her head. When she got a good look at him- eyes wide, face a concerning shade of white- her eyebrows furrowed.

“Kaito?” she asked, tossing her phone in her purse and standing up. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m… I’m your therapist,” he told her, voice strained, jaw set. “Kaito Momota.” 

Maki stared at him, the gears in her head turning like she was drunk all over again. “You’re… kidding,” she stammered.

“Why would I do that?” Kaito gestured toward the small hallway with the staircase. “Maybe we should go upstairs and discuss this… if you still want to work with me.”

Maki pursed her lips. She’d planned on skipping out on this session in the first place. Was it really worth it to go through with this? Was it worth it, even now? “I guess,” she said, taking a step in the direction of the staircase, berating herself internally all the while. There was a door at the bottom of the staircase, but it was unlocked, and she easily pushed it out of her way, so she could go upstairs. She heard Kaito close it again as he followed her. 

There were two rooms on the next floor, one mostly obscured by room dividers and another behind yet another door. Kaito opened it, so they could both duck inside his apparent office. There was a fluffy couch sat across from a wooden seat, separated by a coffee table with a couple boxes of tissues and a bowl of Starbursts- she assumed for children he worked with, but Kaito actually took one and unwrapped it as he sat down. 

Maki sank onto the couch, gripping the strap of her purse like a lifeline until she realized what she was doing and promptly let it go, so she could clench her hands into fists in her lap instead. 

“Generally, I use these first sessions to try to get to know my new clients,” Kaito said, and she wondered how he was able to sound so casual in a situation like this. “What do you do, Maki? Do you have a job?”

“I’m a nanny.” That was one way to put it. She was so much more really, but she couldn’t just tell that to anyone, even her therapist. 

“Oh. With the way you were drinking, I thought it was something hellish,” Kaito joked but saw that she didn’t laugh and quickly steered the conversation in a different direction. “How old are the kids?”

“Twelve, ten, and five,” Maki replied, pushing her hair behind her ear. 

“That’s a big range,” Kaito commented. He riffled through a bunch of books on a stand by his chair and picked up a notebook, muttering something to himself about how he should be writing this down. Glancing up to look her in the eyes briefly, he asked, “So did you go to school?” He gestured to her shirt and added, “Did you go there?”

“No. Couldn’t afford it,” Maki murmured. “I borrowed this from a friend.”

He practically folded in on himself and immediately told her, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Maki sighed, tugging on one of her pigtails. “I’m able to make a living anyway.” 

“Alright.” Kaito sounded like he wanted to argue with her, but he relented. 

“Say what you want to say,” she said, raising a single eyebrow. “I didn’t think you were the type to relent.”

“Do you want to talk about last night or not?” Kaito asked, chuckling darkly. He clicked his pen a couple times before finally saying, “I think everyone should at least have the opportunity to go to school. You learn a lot about yourself by learning about what you’re passionate about.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Maki said, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her seat.

“But didn’t you have any dreams growing up?” Kaito balanced his notebook on his knee, so he could speak with his hands, which seemed to be the most natural thing for him.

“You’re telling me you always wanted to be a therapist.” Maki raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ve never met a kid who wanted to be a social worker. And I’ve taken care of a lot of kids.”

“I mean, no,” Kaito admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I always wanted to be an astronaut growing up. But that’s not a job for people like me.”

“People like you?” Maki questioned, uncrossing her arms, so she could clench her hands into fists again. Her nails bit into her palms, but she barely registered the pain.

“That’s beside the point. We’re here to talk about you, not me,” Kaito said, swatting his hand as if the subject of conversation was a mere fly. Heaving a sigh, he told her, “I think we should talk about your drinking habits.”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about last night,” Maki said, tone biting. 

“I don’t want to, but I can’t see that you have a problem and just ignore it!” Kaito brought a fist of his own down upon his knee.

“What problem? I just drink socially,” Maki argued, sitting up as she did so. 

“You seemed to be pretty alone when you were drinking last night,” Kaito pointed out, and she deflated but only momentarily. 

She pointed an accusing finger at him and said, “This is your fault. You’re telling me you knew my name and didn’t put two and two together?”

“I don’t know why my phone didn’t tell me I had two contacts with the same number,” Kaito said, putting his notebook back on top of the stand beside him, so he could get his phone out of his pocket. “I have two separate contacts, the one I made when you reached out to me and the one  _ you  _ made last night.” He showed her his contact list, and she stared at the two separate contacts. “I saw there were two Maki’s and... put a little fire emoji by your name to differentiate the two. But it didn’t tell me I was also texting Maki Harukawa when I was texting Maki from the club.” He opened his messages, and he was right. It only said he was texting Maki with the fire emoji. Seeing she was satiated, he asked, “And, anyway, why didn’t you have my number?”

“I wasn’t planning on coming,” Maki admitted, but it came out like she was seething. 

“Why not?” Kaito asked, pure confusion written on his face.

“Because I don’t  _ need _ a therapist! I’m fine the way I am! And I don’t understand why no one can see that!” Maki had tears in her eyes that she immediately went to blink away. She was not about to cry in front of this man. 

After a few moments of silence for her to calm down, he said, “I think you do need a therapist.”

“I’m fine the way-”

“You’re  _ suffering _ ,” Kaito stressed, getting a few tissues from one of the boxes on the coffee table and reaching them out to her. “I can help you.” He sighed and asked, “Out of curiosity. If you didn’t want to come, why did you make an appointment in the first place?”

“Shuichi didn’t tell you?” Maki asked, begrudgingly taking the tissues but not wiping away the tears she was still fighting from falling. 

“You know Shuichi?” Kaito took hold of the box in case she needed more and refused to take any. 

“We volunteer at the orphanage I grew up in together,” Maki told him, pursing her lips into a thin line. “He said one of his friends became a therapist and that I should go see him.”

“Still, you didn’t have to,” Kaito pointed out. 

“You know Shuichi,” Maki argued. “He’s a detective. If I didn’t listen, he was gonna dig up all of my problems on his own.” 

“He’s not that kinda guy though,” Kaito said, although he was wondering what problems exactly she had to uncover. 

“I couldn’t risk it,” Maki sighed and blew her nose. It had been running for the past few minutes. 

Kaito closed his eyes, so he didn’t have to look at her like this- but opened them a moment later, feeling like a coward. A notification went off on his phone, and he glanced at it, relief flooding his veins when he saw their session was over. “Do you want to set up another appointment?” he asked, grabbing a binder off of the stand with his notebook, so he could look for times he had free. 

Maki turned her head away, refusing to look at him. “Just text me when you’re free,” she said and tugged on her ponytail, so she had something to do with her hands. “You’re more than equipped to do that.” 

Kaito didn’t say anything. He felt defeated as he stood up to let her out of his office and could only merely listen to the angry thumping of her steps back down the stairs. Her heels only exacerbated the fury in the sound. He hoped this wasn’t the last time he ever saw her, but he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that this was it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Maki was exhausted after spending her day in and out of Ubers- and had a sizable dent in her pocket at that. She’d gone straight from therapy to the orphanage where she spent her time doing menial tasks and ignoring Shuichi’s line of questioning about how therapy had gone. She had hoped she wouldn’t see him that day since he often worked long and strange hours as a detective, and she had no idea when he had time to actually sleep. But, alas, there he was, and he wouldn’t let her off the hook.

Perhaps she would have broken if she didn’t recall Kaede saying she’d break and tell one of them about her texts with Kaito eventually. She quite frankly wanted to never say anything on the subject just out of spite. But, also, what kind of idiot sent nudes to their therapist? She couldn’t let them know what she had done for the sake of her reputation and pride. So, when she got in the Uber to go home, she was already mentally checked out from dealing with Shuichi’s interrogation. 

However, she couldn’t help but note an unfamiliar car in the driveway once she arrived and was wary, even as she discarded her heels by the door. When a playful voice commented, “Oh look. And here’s the maid,” she resisted the urge to scowl, knowing her boss would berate her for treating a guest that way. 

So she simply glanced up from where she was hunched over, foot in hand as she slid off a stiletto, and corrected him, “I’m the nanny actually, not the maid.” 

The man was- well, hardly a man at all. He was a few inches shorter than Maki, who wasn’t all that tall herself, and looked like he was years younger than her, although perhaps that was just his baby face as she couldn’t imagine anyone that much younger than her could make for a distinguished guest in their household. 

“Oh, a nanny. How fancy,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “My bad.” 

“The kids are already upstairs.” She glanced to the side and saw her boss, the oyabun Botan Sasaki, standing in the kitchen with two glasses of wine in his hands. He reached out to hand one over to the man, who accepted it a little too joyfully. 

She nodded her head in understanding, and, once her shoes were off, she headed straight for the staircase to find the kids and make sure they weren’t getting into trouble. She heard the man say, “So, the maid’s an alcoholic. Quirky,” and she nearly headed back downstairs to kill him, but she knew she’d get beaten far worse if she laid even a finger on him. So she swallowed her pride not for the first time that day and continued up the steps. 

She immediately stepped into the bathroom to get some cold water on her face but stared at her reflection first to see if it was really all that obvious how hungover she was. Her eyes were not only red and puffy but squinting due to pain from the light, and her skin was ashen. She cursed underneath her breath but continued to wet her face like nothing was wrong. She’d just have to hope the kids wouldn’t comment on it, but she was sure they definitely would.

As if on cue, she heard the distinct sounds of two of them grappling- grunts and yelps and curses-, and she rushed to Akemi’s room where the sounds were coming from. He was trying to force his sister, Chiharu, to the ground, but she was fighting back just as hard until Maki pulled the two apart and held them back as they continued trying to hit each other. 

“What are you two fighting over now?” Maki groaned. She pushed them both back harder than before when they didn’t stop reaching for the other. “Quit it! You’re done.” 

Chiharu was the first to stop. She always was the more reasonable one, but she still crossed her arms over her chest and said, “Akemi won’t let me use the Switch.”

“It’s not your turn to use it!” Akemi argued, pointing an accusing finger her way. “It won’t be fair if she gets to use it.” 

“It is my turn! You’ve had it for the past two days!” 

Maki shut her eyes and tried to tune them out as they continued arguing, and her head ached. “Shut up,” she finally said upon accepting they weren’t going to stop, and her head certainly wasn’t going to feel better. “I said shut up!” she repeated louder when they kept fighting. They quieted down and both looked at her with puppy dog eyes, but they should have known by then that that wasn’t going to work on her. 

“If Akemi’s had it for the past two days, it’s Chiharu’s turn,” she reasoned. Chiharu raised her hands into the air in a cheer while Akemi stomped on the ground.

“But I was just about to beat the eighth gym leader,” he argued, hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

“I don’t care,” Maki told him, turning him around toward where the Switch was docked. “Give it back to your sister. You can have it back in two days.” 

Akemi’s expression was sour, but he reluctantly went to get the Switch and, albeit against his will, handed it over to Chiharu. 

“If you’d just listen to people who are older than you, we could’ve been done with this ages ago,” she commented with a sneer.

“Don’t you dare start another fight,” Maki cut in before Akemi could say anything. She steered Chiharu in the direction of the door. “Now, go play.”

“You’re such a bitch when you’re hungover,” Akemi said, and Maki nearly smacked him, but he inched away from her in fear, and she thought to herself that striking that much fear into him was worth more than actually striking him would be. 

So, instead, she decided to go check on Den, who probably should have been napping at that point. Although she was sure that that was not the case with all of the noise, and, when she opened the door to her room, she was in bed but undeniably staring up at the ceiling. 

“Are they done yet?” Den asked, turning onto her side to look at Maki.

“Yeah. They’re done,” Maki replied, sitting on the edge of her bed. “Did you at least get some sleep before they started fighting?”

“I had another nightmare,” Den said, shaking her head no, and Maki sighed. She’d been having trouble getting to sleep lately- constantly at the whim of these nightmares of hers. It was frustrating to Maki because, while her job was- well, what it was, she genuinely felt for Den, who hadn’t been warped by yakuza training and dealings just yet. She was just a normal kid in a house that would never and could never cater to her needs, no matter how hard they tried. 

“What was it about this time?” Maki asked. She had kicked her blankets off of her awhile ago, but Maki re-tucked her in, so she could at least be comfortable. 

“A bad man followed Mommy home and hurt all of us,” Den said, pulling her baby blanket over her face. It was an odd habit of hers, but, as long as it comforted the girl, Maki wouldn’t question it. 

“You know that everyone here is careful about making sure no one finds out who lives here,” Maki said, folding her hands in her lap. She’d been checking to make sure no one was following them even during her Uber ride when no one would have any way of knowing who she was to the yakuza and that there was any worth in following her.

“I know,” Den sighed, clutching her blanket a little tighter. “But it’s scary when Daddy brings home people we don’t know.”

“He wouldn’t bring anyone here if he didn’t think it was safe,” Maki told her, although she was curious why he didn’t take him to headquarters. Perhaps he trusted him more than enough- or perhaps not enough at all, but she hoped he valued the safety of his children more than that of his underlings. 

“You’re right,” Den admitted, shifting her position, so she was a bit more comfortable. “I’ll try to go back to sleep,” she added, and Maki nodded, even though she knew she couldn’t see it. 

“Good.” She quietly stood up and headed to the door, but, before she closed it behind her, she said, “I’ll make sure to check up on you while you’re sleeping. You’ll be completely safe.” 

Den nodded from her bed, and Maki closed the door. She walked to her room and heaved a sigh as she left her purse by the door and dropped onto her bed like a fly without even turning on the lights. She stuffed her face in her pillow with a groan, not unlike how she did that same morning. But Kaede wasn’t there to rouse her this time, and she relished in the plush feeling of her sheets beneath her. 

She just laid there for a few minutes before she heard her phone buzz in her purse. She stayed where she was for awhile, not wanting to move, but it buzzed again, and she reluctantly pushed herself up. She fumbled for her purse in the dark but found it without needing to turn the lights on and pulled her phone out to stare at it. 

_ Hey, Maki _ , Kaede had texted her.  _ You won’t guess where I am _ .

She was about to respond when she got yet another text, and she scowled when she saw who it was from. 

_ So have you decided when you want to next meet up? _ Kaito asked. She had better questions to ask, some of which she drafted. 

For one thing, she typed,  _ Do you still have those pictures? _ But she realized- she hadn’t deleted his yet either, so she quickly went to do that and deleted the message. 

She responded to Kaede instead with a simple  _ What?  _ And Kaede immediately started typing, so she knew that she had been eagerly waiting for her reply. 

_ Shuichi set me up on a date today _ , she said, and Maki wondered why she was so worked up about that- she couldn’t see Kaede getting over Miu that easily, but she understood when she saw her next text.  _ With YOUR mystery man! Apparently, they’re friends! _

Maki stared at her phone in utter disbelief. Kaito was on a date with Kaede? She shouldn’t care, but part of her lingered on the fact that he’d been offering to meet up with her just that morning before everything went to hell. He really went on a date even after that?

She couldn’t help herself. She asked him,  _ You’re really texting me about this while on a date with my best friend? What kind of jackass texts on a date anyway?  _ She ignored the fact that Kaede was also technically texting on a date because Kaede at least wasn’t talking business with clients when there was a time and place for that kind of behavior. 

It took a minute for Kaito to reply, during which Maki wondered what she could say to Kaede that wouldn’t lead to her asking why she had a change of heart about him. But, before she could draft that response, Kaito texted her,  _ So you know about that.  _ Then, he added,  _ And hey! She’s in the bathroom! I thought it was fair game.  _

Maki rolled her eyes. Of course he would think that. She was about to say something back when he said,  _ Besides, it’s hardly a date. I see her more as a friend anyway.  _

Maki wondered how much that was them being genuinely friendly and how much it was the fact that she had broken them up from making out literally the night before. 

Meanwhile, Kaede asked,  _ Maki? You okay? Are you jealous? Is that it?  _ Each question was a separate text, which made Maki rub her temples in annoyance. 

_ No. I’m not jealous _ , she said, although part of her wondered if that was true- the rest of her told that part to shut the hell up.  _ I didn’t like him that much anyway _ .

_ Are you sure? _ Kaede replied.  _ You seemed to like him quite a bit when you were sucking his face off. _

Maki cringed at the memory- she couldn’t believe how stupid she had been or her unbelievably horrible luck.  _ I realized he was a jackass when I was texting him _ , she said, hoping that wouldn’t warrant further questioning. 

_ Really? I mean, I guess I could see why you’d say that,  _ Kaede said.  _ He seems more like an idiot than anything else though.  _

Maki smiled a bit at that. She was happy that Kaede agreed with her on that at least. She definitely wasn’t happy because she didn’t like him that way. That would be ridiculous. 

She’d almost forgotten Kaito was texting her entirely when she got a new message.  _ You’re not mad that I don’t like her like that. Are you? _

Maki scoffed. Why would she care if he liked Kaede? It would just mean she’d have to see him more often if they got together.  _ Hardly _ , she told him.  _ I really don’t care what you think of Kaede.  _

_ Good _ , he said, and she saw that he stopped typing for a moment before starting again. It was hard to believe that someone like him was actually thinking about what they said before saying it, but perhaps miracles were possible.  _ So have you decided about our next session? _

Maki ran a hand down her face. She still didn’t want to go to another session, certainly not another session with him, but she had Shuichi to deal with if she cancelled.  _ Can you do the same time next week?  _ She reluctantly typed it out and was pained to have to hit the send button. 

She got a message from Kaede a second later and immediately went to check it.  _ Anyway, I’m going back out there, so I won’t be texting you anymore updates unless it gets really bad.  _ This was immediately followed by her saying,  _ Have a good night! _

She, then, got one final reply from Kaito that read,  _ Alright! See you then!  _ She could hear it in his voice and chewed the inside of her cheek as she stared down at her phone. She was sure she wouldn’t be getting any more messages since Kaede was going back to wherever he was, and she didn’t understand why there was a sudden weight on her chest. She didn’t care about them- she didn’t care about  _ him _ . She told herself that over and over, but she never quite started to believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you’re enjoying the story. It would mean the world if you left a comment. What was your favorite part of this chapter?


	3. Chapter 3

“Maki.”

She didn’t make eye contact with him when he came to get her for their session, simply slipping past him and up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled the door to his office open herself. But, despite the plushness of his couch, as she sat down upon it, she felt all of her problems plummet on top of her back. Her shoulders raised to around ear level to try to carry the weight, but she still felt the absolute exhaustion that dealing with it naturally caused. 

As Kaito sat down across from her, he shifted his position to make himself comfortable and plucked his notebook right off the top of the stack of books on his stand. He tried looking into Maki’s eyes, but she was staring down at her hands where they were bunched into fists on her knees. With a sigh, he asked, “So how much money do you make at your job?”

She finally glanced up at him, eyebrows furrowed. “We’re still talking about this? You don’t have enough information already?” 

“It’s just, so I have the background necessary to help you,” he said, flipping to a page he’d stuck a tab in, presumably to see where they’d left off. 

“I make enough to get by,” Maki told him, digging her nails into her palms. She chewed on her bottom lip, but that was it as far as responding to the pain went. “Most of my basic needs are already met as part of my job anyway.”

“What do you do with the money left over?” Kaito finally looked away from her as he wrote down her response, and she was glad to have his eyes off of her. “If there is money left over, that is.”

“Pretty much everything I don’t need goes to the orphanage,” Maki said, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her seat. 

Kaito smiled, and that was exactly what Maki had been dreading. “That’s kind of you.”

“No. It’s not.” Maki’s eyes went to the tiny window in the corner of the room where she could see what counted as traffic on the small town road. “I know I only hang around there to keep some semblance of normalcy.” 

Kaito raised an eyebrow. “Is being a nanny all that... abnormal?” 

“Depends on the family,” Maki said, pursing her lips into a thin line. 

“Have you worked with a bunch of different families?” Kaito asked, and Maki paused for a moment before shaking her head no. “Just the one?” She nodded, and Kaito couldn’t help but wonder how strange this one family had to be.

“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat as he changed the subject, “what did you have to do to qualify for the job if you didn’t go to school?”

Maki chuckled darkly, and he frowned at the sound of it. “My boss came to the orphanage one day, looking to adopt, when I was about seventeen,” she told him, pushing a lock of hair out of her face and behind her ear. “He left that day, taking a baby with him- and giving a job offer to me for once I turned eighteen. Because he’d seen first hand how I handled all of the kids pretty much on my own.”

Kaito wrote this down but chewed on the inside of his cheek in thought. He wasn’t sure how he would feel, as an orphan, to be offered a job before a home, but he supposed most people wouldn’t adopt a seventeen year old- barely even a kid at that point. “So that was all it took?”

Maki paused, clearly questioning if she wanted to say what she was about to say, but, at that point, she didn’t really have a choice and spoke quietly, “I also had to get self defense training.” 

Kaito stopped what he was writing and glanced up at her, expecting to see some sign that she was joking- even though he knew Maki wasn’t the type to joke, unless she was drunk. But her face was completely serious, and he struggled to ask, “Wh-what? Why would you need that to be a nanny?”

Maki merely shrugged like he had just asked her if she wanted milk in her coffee. “Kids can be pretty rough,” she said. She recalled her training with a deep frown- all of those harsh nights, being called a nobody because the man was used to training yakuza, not nannies. And yet he didn’t let her off any easier than the rest just because she was nobody. He arguably treated her worse, and she was sure now that she could beat most yakuza in a fight if it came down to it. 

Kaito swallowed thickly and decided to move on. Although part of him wanted to dig deeper on that note, he knew she wouldn’t let him get any more out of her. So, instead, he asked, “When did you start struggling with your mental health?”

Maki raised an eyebrow and said, “I don’t know. Maybe when I was born an orphan?” She sat up taller in her seat and added, “I got over it though.”

Kaito clenched his eyes shut for a moment, considering rubbing his temples. She was difficult, but she wasn’t the first difficult client he’d had, even having started as recently as he had, and she certainly wouldn’t be the last. “Women tend to hide their emotional pain to avoid being called thin skinned. Or too sensitive,” he replied, gripping his notebook tightly in his hands. 

“Don’t lump me into your statistics,” Maki practically hissed at that with a glower on her face. 

“Right,” Kaito said. He flipped to a new page and flicked his pen back and forth in his hand. “You don’t want to be ordinary.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Maki argued and gnawed on her lower lip. “You make me sound like I ‘don’t want to be like other girls’ or something. I was just drunk off and talking out of my ass. That’s all.”

“I’m just saying what you said,” Kaito told her with a sigh. “I’m not trying to do anything but understand you and your situation better.” He considered her for a moment before asking, “Have you always been such a heavy drinker?”

Maki threw her head back to stare up at the ceiling, and he half expected her to groan in annoyance, but she merely said, “I already told you the vast majority of my money goes to the orphanage, not to fund some drinking problem.”

“So this wasn’t your typical weekend,” Kaito guessed, and she nodded with vigor. 

“It was Kaede’s idea anyway,” she added. “I just came along for the ride.”

“And yet Kaede was the designated driver,” Kaito pointed out and didn’t even so much as flinch when she glared at him- he was starting to get used to it at this point. 

“Kaede barely drinks,” Maki said, rolling her eyes. “There’s really not some deeper meaning to this, so stop digging for it as if there is.” 

Kaito paused for a moment before he finally shrugged. He could accept that there were more productive conversations they could have if she was going to respond to his questioning like this. “Well,” he said, glancing briefly at his watch to see how much time they had left. There really wasn’t a lot, and yet they hadn’t gotten anywhere in the time they had already spent. “Why did Shuichi suggest you should see a therapist in the first place?” 

Maki frowned and seemed to think for a second about whether or not she wanted to answer, but she admitted, “He says I’m not the same person as I was when he first met me.”

“When was that?” Kaito asked, quickly writing it down now that she was actually answering him about something. 

“When I was still in the orphanage,” Maki said. 

“Before or after you met the family you nanny for?” It was a rather simple question, one that Kaito thought was very natural for him to pose, but she seemed to think otherwise. 

She froze, bottom lip stuck between her teeth and eyes moving from Kaito to stare absently at the wall behind him. “Before,” she murmured weakly. “But it doesn’t matter,” she quickly added. “We’re getting sidetracked.”

“I don’t think we are,” Kaito said, pausing his writing to look up at her. “I think we’re finally getting somewhere, in fact.” They’d been circling around this issue the entire time, and he didn’t think he could avoid it anymore. So he cocked his head to the side and finally asked, “What do the parents in this family do exactly?”

“We’re done here for today,” Maki said, pushing herself off the couch. 

Kaito gestured for her to sit down, but she didn’t listen. “We still have a few more minutes,” he pointed out, gesturing to the clock on the wall behind her, but she merely shook her head.

“I have somewhere to be.” She headed to the door and fiddled with the lock. Unfortunately, her hands were shaking, and she struggled to get it open- she cursed herself out in her head for being so stupid, but that didn’t stop the trembling. 

Kaito got up and nudged her out of the way, so he could help her, but, before he let her out, he asked, “Same time again next week?” 

Maki shut her eyes and breathed in deeply through her nose. “Sure,” she said, utterly defeated. She stumbled down the stairs once he got out of the way, her heart thrumming in her ears. 

“Okay. Let’s try the next question,” Maki said, drumming her fingers on the kitchen table as she read over the paper in front of her. “”Emiko had two dogs, and they were golden retrievers.”” She pursed her lips and glanced at Akemi, who stared at the sentence with characteristic intensity. “Let’s break it down into parts. “Emiko had two dogs.”” She underlined the words with a pencil but didn’t press down hard enough to actually make a mark on the page. “What kind of clause is that?”

“Independent,” Akemi said, chewing the inside of his cheek, and Maki nodded.

“Now, “they were golden retrievers.” What kind of clause is that?”

Akemi glanced sideways at her, not wanting to make it obvious that he was hesitating at all to give his answer. “Independent.”

“Excellent. Now, what do you do when you have two independent clauses separated by a conjunction like “and”?”

“You put a comma!” Akemi replied. His enthusiasm about an answer he was sure he remembered from his class earlier that day was clear. “Before the “and”,” he added before she could ask her next question. 

“Exactly.” Maki plucked the paper off of the table and handed it back to him. “You seem to understand now. Try the rest on your own and come back if you have any problems.”

Akemi folded the paper hamburger style and held onto it tightly as he whipped his hands into the air. “I won’t have any problems! I’m the smartest kid in the world!” he exclaimed with vigor- as if he hadn’t come to her in the first place because he was struggling. She wouldn’t knock him off his high horse when it wasn’t really necessary though. 

“If you’re the smartest kid in the world, we’re gonna have some serious problems,” Chiharu commented from where she was getting a water bottle out of the fridge, but Akemi just sneered at her and left with his paper, mumbling about how he didn’t care about anything an idiot like her had to say.

“Must you two constantly provoke one another?” Maki asked, running a hand down her face and glaring at Chiharu. “You guys can’t get along for ten minutes lately.”

Chiharu shrugged as she uncapped her water and took a massive gulp. “I wouldn’t instigate if he just respected that I’m older, smarter, and stronger than him,” she said plainly.

Maki suppressed a groan. “Just leave each other alone if you’re not going to play nice. For my sake if nothing else.”

Chiharu cocked her head to the side as she thought it over. “Maybe. Maybe not. He deserves a little bit of mockery.”

“”Maybe. Maybe not”? I could say the same thing about grounding you, you know,” Maki reminded her, glaring. 

Chiharu’s face paled, and she frantically gestured for her to stop, her free hand drawing a slash in the air. “You don’t have to do that. Really. I’ll stop.” She quickly headed into the hallway to escape Maki’s potential wrath.

All Maki said was, “You better.” She didn’t have the energy to be dealing with these kids today. With a sigh, she picked her phone up off the table and looked through her notifications, finding several from her group chat with Kaede and Shuichi. 

Kaede seemed to be moaning and groaning into the void about Miu and Keebo.  _ What does he have that I don’t? _ she asked among other hopeless questions, and Maki had little to no intentions of answering that for her, but she just kept sending text after text, despite no one answering. And she felt a degree of responsibility to end the madness while she could- as Shuichi usually took on that role when he was not quite so busy at work. 

_ It’s useless comparing yourself to him, Kaede _ , she reminded her and saw Kaede finally stop typing, hopefully to consider her words.  _ You know what you need to be doing instead? _

_ What’s that?  _ Kaede asked, message only complete with a frowning emoji stuck at the end.

_ Do something that makes you feel strong, something that makes you feel like a woman.  _ She thought of how she had felt taking those pictures- and tried to suppress the memory of sending them to Kaito, so she could just focus on how empowering it had felt taking control of her sexuality into her own hands.  _ Because a woman doesn’t cry over her crush liking someone else. She moves on and finds someone better.  _

Kaede stopped typing for a minute, and, again, Maki had to wonder if she was thinking through what she said or if something had just come up and distracted her for a moment. She hoped that it was the former, but she wasn’t sure as her next message read,  _ Like what? What would help me feel strong?  _

Maki paused to consider what her options were. She couldn’t suggest that Kaede take photos of her own, not without revealing what she had done. And she didn’t think Kaede would like to do something like that anyway.  _ We could try going to the club again _ , she suggested.  _ Find someone else to dance with this time. See if that’ll take your mind off of things.  _

Kaede started typing immediately, so Maki knew she’d been glued to her phone, waiting for an answer.  _ I guess we could try it _ , she said with a thinking emoji.  _ But you’re going to be the designated driver this time _ , she added. There was no room for arguing with her as she simply stated,  _ I need to drink _ .

_ Alright. I’ll drive _ , Maki agreed, although she didn’t know what exactly she’d be doing all night if she wasn’t drinking because she really didn’t dance very much whenever they went out, But she supposed supervising Kaede drinking wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 

_ You wanna come too, Shuichi?  _ Kaede asked, but Maki had a feeling he wouldn’t be looking at his phone for awhile. She didn’t send any other messages in the chat, so the message wouldn’t be buried in a wall of texts, and Shuichi would actually be able to find it without backreading more than he really liked to. 

She was about to set her phone down when she got another notification. She made a face when she saw who it was, but she knew she’d forget to or simply choose not to message him back if she didn’t respond now.

_ You doing okay?  _ Kaito asked. 

She wanted to bite back with something sassy, but she didn’t have the energy to be truly vicious to him and just said,  _ Yeah.  _ But she did, after a moment’s thought, question,  _ Why do you suddenly care?  _

_ I’m trying to keep in touch with my clients more between sessions _ , he said, and she puffed her cheeks out at that. It was actually a fairly reasonable answer, but she didn’t like acknowledging it.  _ Anyway, what are you up to? _

Maki took a second to consider- what was she doing? She grabbed her cup of oolong tea from where it was sitting across from her at the kitchen table, having gone cold long ago but still tasting decent enough to not just toss away. She thought about perhaps painting her nails now that she knew she would be going out that weekend and seeing how chipped they really were but decided against it. She never knew when someone would text her and actually need her. Plus, there was always the chance Akemi got confused by his homework again. 

_ I’m just helping the kids and talking to Kaede _ , she said. That was what she had been doing up until then at the very least, and he didn’t need to know that she was free to talk like this. Still, she couldn’t help but ask,  _ What about you? What are you doing? _

_ I’m between appointments so not much _ , Kaito replied, and she checked the time on her phone. It was almost seven on a Thursday night, and she hadn’t realized that he worked that late, but she supposed therapists didn’t really have set schedules for work. Maybe that was why he was friends with someone in Shuichi’s line of work. She was still pondering this when he messaged her again,  _ Any weekend plans?  _

She didn’t know why he was still talking to her when he surely had better things to do than check in on a client he already had appointments for checking in on. But perhaps she simply didn’t want to admit to him that she was going out to a club once again when he already thought she was some kind of alcoholic.  _ Has Shuichi been texting you or something?  _ she asked. In that moment, she could see the detective staying quiet during their conversations in the group chat only to snitch on her to Kaito. 

_ No? Why? I’m pretty sure he’s working _ , Kaito said, and she was pretty sure too since he hadn’t been at the orphanage earlier that day, but she still felt the need to check. 

_ Nevermind _ , Maki replied, wishing she hadn’t said anything about it at all.  _ I’m going to the club with Kaede again _ , she told him but was quick to mention,  _ and I’m the designated driver this time, so no. I won’t be drinking. I know, unfortunate for you. _

She didn’t get a response for a few minutes, during which she simply sat at the table, drinking the rest of her tea and staring at her nails. She’d painted them the last time they went to the club, but she supposed she’d done a ton of menial tasks at the orphanage between then and that moment, and that had somehow constituted all of this chipping and damage. 

She was starting to think he had started early with his client when he finally asked,  _ Does that mean you’ll spend all your time dancing? _

She pursed her lips into a thin line, recalling the last time she’d gone dancing- with him, when she’d pulled him out of the crowd to hear his voice again only for him to kiss her. She shook her head. She didn’t want to think about dancing with anyone else- or at all.  _ Probably not,  _ she said.  _ I’m not a big dancer. And Kaede could probably use someone there to supervise her drinking.  _

_ I think you should dance,  _ Kaito immediately responded, and she scowled at her phone. It wasn’t that easy to consider dancing with someone after him, yet he didn’t seem to think their time together meant much at all.  _ You seemed to have fun with it last time. _

Anger pooled in her stomach as she questioned- why didn’t he care if she danced with someone else? And, more importantly, why did she care so much what he thought? She tried to shrug off the feeling- because none of this mattered in the first place and simply replied,  _ I’ll think about it.  _

She didn’t have much time to consider whether she’d send the message or not as Den stepped into the kitchen with her baby blanket wrapped around her shoulders, rubbing her eye with the end of it. “I had a bad dream again,” she murmured with a yawn that came out like a mewl. 

Maki got up and tossed her empty cup of tea in the trash on her way to the fridge. She pulled out a carton of milk and gestured for Den to get a mug from the cabinet, which she did without a word. “Maybe some warm milk will help you fall back asleep,” she said. She accidentally poured more than she meant to and lifted the mug to her mouth to drink the excess before placing it inside the microwave for a minute. 

Den pulled a stool up to the island, so she could sit down as she waited. “Your phone made a ding,” she commented, pointing toward where it laid on the table before folding her arms on the counter and laying her head on top of them. 

“I’m sure it can wait for now,” Maki said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she waited for the milk to be ready. Once it was done, she plucked the mug out of the microwave and set it down in front of Den. She considered going to check her phone but pulled another stool up to the counter to sit down and keep the girl company instead.

“We should make hot chocolate some time,” Den said between sips. It wasn’t long before she was done and hopped off the stool to rinse the mug and place it in the dishwasher. 

“Come down and tell me if you still can’t fall asleep,” Maki told her, and Den nodded as she lumbered her way back up the stairs. Maki pulled the stools away from the counter before heading back to the table to check on her phone. 

What she saw made her stomach flip. It was one sentence, one simple sentence, but she couldn’t understand why he would think to send it to her or what it meant that he did.

_ You’re beautiful when you dance _ . Sent right before seven, and she wondered if he would have said the same thing if he didn’t know he had an upcoming appointment as an excuse to not respond to whatever she had to say in reply. 

She wasn’t going to play by those rules though. If he didn’t have to say anything, neither did she. But part of her knew- it wasn’t so much to do with anger at him and his audacity as she simply didn’t know what to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you’re enjoying the story. It would mean the world if you left a comment. What was your favorite part of this chapter?


	4. Chapter 4

It turned out that Maki was exceedingly bored when she wasn’t allowed to drink at the club. She’d at least been able to order drinks for Kaede- she was on her third round of shots and very tipsy-, but just because she was in control of things didn’t mean she was getting to have any fun. 

She was merely swirling her straw around in her soda- because she was still convinced no normal person drank water at a club- when she noticed Kaede sit up straighter in her seat. She followed her gaze and found a bluenette in a rather plain and modest black dress, fidgeting with her hands as she approached the bar. When the bartender came over, she opened her mouth to speak, but Kaede quickly cut in, “She’ll have what we’re having.”

The girl’s eyes widened, and she turned to look at Kaede. She seemed like she was going to argue with her at first, but her shoulders lost some tension as she stared at the other woman. She pursed her lips and said, “Thank you. I really didn’t know what to order.” Brushing a lock of her long, blue hair behind her ear, she admitted, “I really don’t go to places like this all that often.”

“I’m kinda the same way,” Kaede told her, gesturing for her to sit down in the seat beside her, which she did after a moment of deliberation. “My friend Maki’s been ordering for me all night.” She motioned to Maki where she sat on her other side, and Maki waved, but the woman barely paid her any attention, her full focus still settled on Kaede. “But she’s been doing a good job, so I’m sure you’ll like what they bring you.”

“I’m sure I will,” she agreed with a nod of her head. She placed her hands on the counter and immediately went to fold them, still all nerves, despite the ease with which they spoke to one another. “I’m Tsumugi,” she said and pulled her hand out of the other, so she could reach out to shake Kaede’s. 

“Kaede,” the other woman replied and extended her own hand. She held onto Tsumugi’s tightly, a bit rough with her shake, likely due to all of the alcohol in her system, but Tsumugi didn’t seem to mind. 

Maki found herself tuning the two out as they did their shots together, and she merely sipped at her soda. She was jealous of the two of them and all of the fun they were having, but she had to do this- she had to stay sober for Kaede’s sake. Still, part of her wished Shuichi had at least had the time to come along, so she wouldn’t be quite so alone in her sobriety. 

It was around the time she finished her diet Coke that the two started making out, and she seriously wanted nothing more than for the night to be over already. She tentatively got off of her seat, seeing as Kaede no longer seemed to need her supervision, having figured things out at the bar for herself. She quietly left some cash on the counter to cover their tab and stepped toward a separate room where people were taking a breather or, more commonly, a smoke break. 

She breathed in deeply through her nose, inhaling a bunch of smoke that just made her cough. Once she was done coughing though, she leaned against the brick wall and watched as the cars drove by out the window. Someone who was too drunk to get home by themselves was hailing a taxi, and they immediately threw up once they got inside. Maki wrinkled her nose and glanced at anyone but them. 

She felt her phone buzz in her bra but ignored it as she didn’t want to take it out in front of all of those people. It quickly buzzed again though, and she reached into her shirt to remove it with a sigh. 

When she checked her messages, she wasn’t surprised to see they were both from Kaito. The therapist had made it a habit of texting her at the worst moments at that point. She read the messages- one read,  _ Are you having fun?  _ And the next:  _ Have you done any dancing?  _

She tapped the bar to start typing out a reply when she decided to hit his contact instead and, with barely a second thought, pressed the phone symbol. She lifted her phone to her ear and absentmindedly smoothed down her skirt with her other hand- as if she was going to see him and wasn’t just calling. 

He picked up on the second ring, and she could hear him breathing heavily as if he had just dashed from somewhere far away to get to his phone. “Are you okay?” he asked, the words leaving his mouth so quickly they were nearly incomprehensible. She was sure that, had she been drinking, she wouldn’t have understood him at all. 

“I’m fine,” Maki replied, raising an eyebrow, although she merely stared at a brick wall and not his face. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He sighed on the other line, and she heard what sounded like a mattress squeaking under his weight as he sat down. “People normally don’t call their therapists, unless there’s some kind of emergency,” he told her. She could imagine him frowning, potentially biting down on his lower lip, and she couldn’t help but wonder when she had gotten to know him and his movements that well. “Why are you calling if there’s no emergency?”

“I just wanted to call,” Maki said, feeling stupid as she said it aloud. He was her therapist- they weren’t friends, and they certainly weren’t something more than friends. “Kaede made a new “friend”... if you can call it that, so I was by myself.” She made sure to add, “Shuichi couldn’t come. He had work.” She didn’t want him to think she’d choose to call him when she had the option to talk to Shuichi instead. Because Shuichi was her friend, not him. “I’ve just been hanging out in the smoking room by myself. And the only interesting thing happening here is a woman throwing up in her taxi out the window.”

“You couldn’t have done any dancing or something?” Kaito asked, and she heard whatever he was sitting on squeak again as he moved to lay down or something. “I’m sure you could’ve made your own “friend” if you just tried that.”

She pursed her lips into a thin line and bit the inside of her cheek. It was true- she could have tried dancing, but it was like she had thought before when he suggested the same thing. The last person she had danced with was him, and it was hard to think about doing the same thing with someone else, even if she didn’t know why or like the fact. “I’m not feeling dancing,” she said. It wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the full truth. 

“So you’d rather hang out with all of the smokers?” he asked, and his voice sounded further away, so she figured he put her on speaker phone or something. “It’s not like you smoke at all. Do you?” 

Maki wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “Of course not.” She stared out the window again but not at the cars this time but the sky overhead. “It’s just… calmer in here I guess.”

“With the view of the woman puking?” His voice was closer again, and her shoulders lost a bit of tension she hadn’t known had been there in the first place. “It doesn’t sound very relaxing to me.”

“You can see the moon from here,” she told him and stepped over toward the window to get a better look. “It’s just barely poking out from behind the clouds.”

She heard Kaito groan, the springing of his mattress, and his feet dragging on the floor. But, after a minute, he inhaled sharply, and she could practically hear him nodding. “You’re right.” He sighed. “You’re definitely right.”

Maki cocked her head to the side as she remembered something. “You said you wanted to be an astronaut when you were growing up,” she said.

He was silent for a moment but eventually spoke, “Yeah. I was obsessed with space when I was little.”

She paused, wondering if she really wanted to ask about it. He’d seemed so serious when he said he couldn’t achieve those dreams. But she was curious. “Do you still feel that way when you see stuff like this?” she asked quietly as if her low volume would make it an easier question to bear. 

“Always,” Kaito said immediately- he didn’t have to think about it for a second. “I’ll never be over space. At least I don’t think I ever will be. Not when just seeing the moon makes me feel…” He went silent and sniffed. It didn’t sound like a sniffle to her, but she couldn’t be sure. “Just because I went into a different field doesn’t mean I’ll ever give up that dream.”

“Sorry,” Maki told him, and she wasn’t used to apologizing. Her throat felt tight as she did it, and she didn’t know if that was normal, but she continued, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s alright,” Kaito said but was quiet for a moment. She heard him take a couple steps, and she felt guilty, assuming he couldn’t look at the moon anymore because of her. But she reminded herself she had no idea what he was doing on the other line- and this was her therapist. He was supposed to be able to bear her line of questioning, even if she sometimes couldn’t bear his. 

“Why are you still awake?” she asked suddenly, struck by just how dark it was outside. There were street lamps, but, without them, she was sure she wouldn’t be able to see much of anything, even with the moon above her head. 

Kaito chuckled darkly, and she felt goosebumps on her skin, but he merely said, “”S just insomnia.” She heard something creak as he sat down again, and she held her phone up to her ear with her shoulder, so she could cross her arms over her chest. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll still be ready for our appointment.”

Maki found herself staring at the cars passing by again. She’d be one of them in an hour or so, whenever she chose to pull Kaede away from her new friend. And, a few hours after that, she was meant to see Kaito again. But, just like she always did on Sunday nights- or rather Monday mornings as of late, she was questioning if she really wanted to go in. She could tell Shuichi it didn’t work out with Kaito- he just wasn’t the therapist for her. And, then, she could probably stall finding someone else for a month at least. And, if they started to find out too much, she could always repeat the process over and over again- as many times as she had to to get Shuichi off her back. 

“Will you be up in time for our appointment?” he asked, and she heard the light click of him unscrewing the cap of something capped tight. She heard as he lifted the drink to his lips, let it cascade past them, and promptly swallowed a bunch of it. “You’re gonna be cutting it close if you’re there that much longer.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Maki told him, taking her phone back into her hand, so she could briefly check just how late it was getting. He was right that it was late, later than she thought it was, but she wouldn’t tell him that and quickly lifted the phone back up to her ear. “I’ll be fine.”

“Isn’t it my job to worry about you though?” Kaito asked, and she frowned. She didn’t like that job description- that was exactly why she didn’t want a therapist in the first place. 

“No.” She glanced back inside the main room of the club for a moment, wondering if she should start trying to find Kaede, but she made eye contact with one of the people smoking and returned to her place by the window to avoid crossing paths with them- she wasn’t scared but still got a bad vibe and certainly didn’t want a bunch of smoke blown into her face. 

“Are you ready for our appointment?” Kaito asked after he took another drink of whatever he was having. “I think it’s about time I let you start asking the questions,” he added, and she couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. If Kaito asked her anything else about the family she worked for, she simply couldn’t keep going to see him- it wasn’t up to her at that point. Her job was at risk, and, when her job was at risk, so were many lives, not limited to but including her own. 

“What do you mean ready?” she still asked. “You want me to have a list of questions for you or something?”

“Some people do that,” he said, and she furrowed her eyebrows. She really didn’t know much about what it was like being a therapist, even if she was also technically in a helping profession. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just be ready to speak about whatever’s been on your mind.”

“I should go get Kaede,” she murmured under her breath, but of course he heard her.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he told her, whatever he was sitting on creaking again as he shifted his weight upon it. “Goodnight, Maki.”

“Goodnight, Kaito,” she mumbled, sounding a whole lot sadder than she meant to. She thought she heard him inhale sharply, but she couldn’t be sure as he hung up a second later. 

She moved from the window, the man from earlier now having abandoned his position by the door and gone inside. It took her awhile to find Kaede- she wasn’t still by the bar where Maki probably would have been, which meant she had to be dancing with that woman from earlier. She meandered through the crowd at random, looking for any sign of a blonde girl in pink, but there were more blonde girls in pink than she could have bargained for. It was actually Tsumugi that she eventually spotted first, and she wasted no time pulling Kaede away from the woman, holding up her phone with the time in a silent message that they had to go. Kaede waved to her “friend” as she stumbled behind Maki and out of the club, not unlike Maki herself a few mere weeks ago. 

“Did you even get her number?” Maki asked once she finally got to sit down in the driver’s seat, having helped Kaede into the passenger’s side. 

“Did that while we were at the bar,” Kaede mumbled, pulling her hair away from her sweaty neck and into a ponytail. She let her body droop against the back of her seat, her eyes falling shut.

Maki let her rest until they were at her apartment building, and she nudged her awake. 

Kaede let out a gasp as she opened her eyes but quickly caught onto what was going on, even in her drunken state, and fiddled with her seat belt to get it off. It took her a minute, but she was able to do it by herself, despite Maki offering several times to help. She did, to her credit, let Maki help her up the stairs to her apartment, but Kaede was once again stubborn about getting into bed herself, so Maki merely let inside and locked the door behind her. If Kaede didn’t want her help, Maki was glad to get home that much earlier, which she did, quietly tiptoeing toward the stairs- until she saw a light on in the family room and promptly went to investigate. 

The kids’ mother, Ena, was sitting on a chair, back reclined with her arms crossed over her chest, even in her sleep. Maki grabbed a blanket from one of the room’s couches and gently laid it on top of the woman when she grabbed Maki’s hand in a death grip. 

“What do you want?” the woman asked, tone icy cold, as she blinked her eyes open. When she realized it was only Maki, she released her hand and shifted to get more comfortable in her seat again. “Sorry,” she yawned, the noise not unlike the mewl of a cat, and pulled the blanket, so it covered her up to her chest. “You know how it is.”

“Yeah,” Maki agreed, holding her wrist where Ena had snatched it and rubbing the skin absentmindedly. “Sleep well, Miss.” She moved back toward the staircase and ascended it in silence.

It wasn’t uncommon for the woman to wait until the wee hours of the morning for her husband. That was simply the life of an oyabun’s wife. 

She tried not to think of how lonely she must be as she tossed her clothes into the hamper and hopped into the shower where she washed all of her worries away with hot water. She was practically asleep when she was getting dressed for bed but just managed to get ready before she plopped onto the plush surface and swathed herself in blankets. 

She was awoken by someone shaking her, not quite violently but not gentle either. “Wake up!” they called, and their voice was familiar, but she didn’t care to remember whose exactly it was as she tried to curl up into a ball again, so she could sleep in peace. “Maki, come on,” they groaned, and she finally peeled her eyes open to see Kaede above her, hands on her hips and lips pursed into a straight line. 

“What are you doing here?” Maki asked, finally sitting up, albeit hesitantly. “How’d you get in?”

“Your boss let me in,” Kaede told her and sat down on the edge of the bed. “She’s a nice lady. I don’t get why you hate your job so much.”

Maki wrinkled her nose at that. There were a lot of things Kaede would never and could never understand about her job. “Okay but  _ why  _ are you here?”

Kaede grabbed one of her hands, so she could hold it in her lap. “Kaito called me, saying you missed your appointment with him and wouldn’t respond to any of his messages. You’re in big trouble for not telling me he was your  _ therapist  _ by the way.” She brushed some hair out of Maki’s face, but it just fell back into place, even as Maki tried to blow it out of the way. “But that’s not the point. He was this close to calling the  _ police _ ,” she told her, holding her pointer finger and thumb maybe an inch apart from one another. “He said something about people not calling him, except when there’s an emergency and your job being as dangerous as he thought. But he wouldn’t explain what he meant by any of that.”

Maki clenched her eyes shut tightly, and Kaede smacked her lightly on the arm. “I’m the one with a massive hangover, and I’m still up and at ‘em, so you have to be too.” She stood up and tugged on Maki’s hand, so she would get up herself. But she hesitated to do so, in part because it would reveal her hot pink pajama pants to the woman, but also because she would much rather sleep than have any of the conversations they now had to have. She, however, gave in after enough tugging, and Kaede made a face but didn’t say anything about her choice of sleepwear.

“I made some toast if either of you would like any,” Ena said when they came downstairs, hand gripping the strap of her purse as she loitered by the door. “I would’ve made something nicer, but I really should be getting to work about now.”

“It’s fine,” Maki said as she dropped into her usual seat at the kitchen table. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Kaede repeated and waved as the woman left. But, once she was gone, she sat down across from Maki, who was quietly picking at her toast. “Okay. First thing’s first. Why didn’t you go to your appointment today?”

“I must not have set my alarm last night,” Maki said with a shrug. “It’s really not that big of a deal. Certainly not enough to call the police.”

“I agree that would be an overreaction,” Kaede replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “That’s why I told him to leave it to me. But I would like to know why you didn’t tell me he was your therapist.”

Maki chewed on a large bit of toast, but, when she finally swallowed it down, she told her, “I was embarrassed. Alright? What kind of idiot makes out with their therapist?” She shook her head. “I didn’t tell Shuichi either, in case you were wondering.”

“I already asked him about it,” Kaede said, and Maki cringed, knowing both of them now knew her secret. “Where does that leave the two of you?” she asked suddenly, and Maki cocked her head to the side. “I mean, you can’t date your therapist,” Kaede explained, grabbing a piece of toast for herself. “So what are you gonna do?”

“I’m not gonna date him. What other option do I have?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow at the blonde and wondering if she drank more than she thought. 

“I mean, you could always find a new therapist,” Kaede said, propping her elbow on the table and holding her head in her hand. 

“I didn’t want a therapist in the first place. I’m not going to every therapist in the city to find one that I like. Because I’m not going to like any of them,” Maki told her, and Kaede frowned but didn’t say anything. “Say whatever it is you’re thinking,” she said with a sigh, and Kaede drummed her fingers against her cheek.

“Wouldn’t it be worth it for love?” she asked finally, and Maki just stared at her blankly. 

“I’m not in love with him,” she said, standing up with her plate, so she could go and wash it. 

“Are you sure?” Kaede asked, following her to the sink. “Because it seems like he’s in love with you.”

“Just because he wanted to call the cops on my bosses?” Maki asked, lip curling in distaste. 

“No- I mean, yes. He just seemed so worried about you,” Kaede said. “And, when we went on our date, he didn’t seem at all interested in me. Almost like he already had feelings for someone else.” She rinsed the crumbs off of her plate and placed it in the dishwasher after Maki. 

“He doesn’t love me,” Maki told her flatly. “If anything, I’m just a thorn in his side since I started seeing him.” 

“Thorns have roses though,” Kaede pointed out, and Maki just rolled her eyes. 

“I’m not going to pursue him, Kaede,” Maki said, pinching the bridge of her nose and breathing in deeply through it. “He’s not worth the trouble.”

Kaede bit the inside of her cheek, and Maki was sure she was brainstorming arguments why he was worth it, but she seemingly gave up, her shoulders falling to their normal position. “Well, what did he mean when he said your job is dangerous?” she asked instead, and it was just like Kaede to leave the more important line of questioning for after the romantic discussion was over. 

“It’s because the family I work for is kinda rich,” Maki lied straight through her teeth, gesturing vaguely to the furniture around them. “There’s always the threat of someone breaking in and trying to steal something or hurt someone.” She pulled her hair into its usual ponytail as she sat down at the table again. “But I have self defense training for a reason. I’m fine. Really.”

Kaede chewed on her lower lip but nodded after a minute. “I guess that makes sense.” She sat down beside Maki this time, so she could hold her hand in hers. “I mean, I couldn’t see that woman hurting anyone,” she added with a laugh, and Maki just thought back to the previous night when the woman had shown off her own training. 

“Is that all you needed?” Maki asked. She wondered what she would do with her day now that she missed her appointment. She was too awake to go back to sleep as appealing as that option was, and it wasn’t quite the time she usually headed to the orphanage yet. Plus, the kids were at school already, so there was no one to look after or anything. She was at a loss.

“You should probably tell Kaito you’re alright,” Kaede said, squeezing her hand. “I told him you were fine when I saw you sleeping, but I think he’d rather hear it from you.”

Maki stood up with a sigh, heading in the direction of the stairs. “I’ll go get my phone.” She climbed up to her room where her phone was laying on her nightstand. When she hit the home button, she saw her phone light up with a million messages from Kaito, Kaede, and Shuichi- but mostly Kaito- and sat down on her bed as the reality of what had happened that morning crashed down around her. 

Albeit hesitantly, she opened her messages with Kaito and told him,  _ I’m up. I’m fine. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I just overslept.  _

He immediately started typing his response, meaning he must have been clutching onto his phone in wait for answers. She didn’t know how to feel about that, just that her cheeks felt a bit hotter than usual. 

_ I’m glad _ , he said first. Then,  _ Do you want to reschedule your appointment?  _

She pursed her lips, unsure what to say. She was slightly grateful she had overslept because it meant she didn’t have to go in, but he had said that she would be the one running things, so perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. 

_ What times do you have available?  _ she asked.

_ I’m free in half an hour _ , he said, and she held back a sigh- she was the one who had asked after all. 

_ I’ll be there in twenty _ , she told him, and he merely sent back a thumbs up emoji. She flopped onto her back on her bed and ran her hands down her face. What had she just gotten herself into? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you’re enjoying the story. It would mean the world if you left a comment. What was your favorite part of this chapter?


	5. Chapter 5

Maki paused as she shut the door to her car and glanced in the direction of the backdoor where she usually entered the house Kaito’s office was in. He stood alone on the patio, joint in hand and blowing puffs of smoke from his mouth. 

His eyes were closed at first, so he didn’t see her staring. But he must have felt hers on him because, when he opened them, he immediately turned to look at her. She had wrinkled her nose in distaste, remembering the night before when she’d breathed in so much smoke and had a whole coughing fit. He had sounded so averse to it when she’d mentioned she was in the smoking room, yet he seemed so calm- serene even- with a cigarette in hand now. 

“I’m trying to wean myself off of it,” he said, seeing her face and frowning deeply in return, “the best I can.” 

She shook her head and stuck her headphones in her ears as she walked past him, careful to avoid passing through any and all of the smoke. She didn’t have any music playing, but she opened up Spotify as soon as she sat down on the waiting room couch. She merely hit shuffle and leaned back in her seat as surely the music would take her some place else, some place without therapy appointments and stupid men. 

Unfortunately, when she started murmuring along to the lyrics, it brought everything back. “ _ Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies.... Careful what you wish for. _ ” She felt her heart sink into her stomach and a heavy weight settle on top of her chest. She wished she could be the person that would tell no lies, but she never had that option. And anyone she did tell the truth would certainly regret everything they’d wished for. 

She stopped speaking entirely, settling for just humming along, but she had to say the song’s hook at least and mumbled, “ _ But, if love is enough, could you let it show? _ ” She swallowed thickly before she was even able to say, “ _ If you feel it, could you let me know? _ ” 

She didn’t know why it hit her so hard. She’d never been in love- never had the chance, always too busy with taking care of everyone else in her life. Every relationship she’d ever had quickly ended when it became clear where her priorities would always lie. Part of her wondered if she would ever feel whatever it was like to be in love or if she was simply incapable. It couldn’t be all that different from the love she felt for Kaede or Shuichi, although she had never truly let either of those two in either. And she knew they wouldn’t stand for it forever- that they would inevitably leave her when they eventually got fed up with not knowing anything about her really. 

She didn’t realize she was about to start crying until she heard the sound of her sniffling. She rubbed desperately at her eyes because she knew Kaito was coming, and he couldn’t see her like that. But there was no getting rid of the feeling in her chest- it was heavy and tight and altogether horrible to merely sit with. 

She heard footsteps coming up the stairs and pulled her headphones out, pausing the song on her phone. She had half a mind to delete it from her playlist entirely, but that acknowledgement of what had happened felt like giving in- and she never gave in. 

Kaito still smelled like smoke when he stepped into the archway between the waiting room and the hall. He leaned against its frame, arms crossed over his chest leisurely. “You ready?” She wouldn’t look at him, eyes clenched shut and fighting off tears again, and he cocked his head to the side. “I can give you a minute if you need some time to yourself still.” 

She glanced sideways at him- not even really looking at him or his face but just a bit lower at his chest. “I’m fine.” She stood up, adjusting the strap of her purse over her shoulder and gesturing for him to lead the way. 

He opened the door at the bottom of the stairs and headed up while she closed it behind her and followed. She was met with the familiar sight of the room divider at the top but was surprised to hear someone working behind it, typing and murmuring something quietly to themselves. Kaito, however, paid it no mind and opened the door to his office for her. She stumbled inside as if her feet were asleep, but she was just shaken by the emotions she was feeling- how strangely acute they were and now of all times. She breathed a sigh of relief as she sank onto his couch, gripping the cushions, just so she had something to hold onto. 

Kaito didn’t comment on how strange she was acting, either because he understood she would never explain herself to him or because he didn’t notice, but she had a feeling it was the former. He was stupid, but he wasn’t that stupid. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have his own history of not explaining himself, not when he dodged her questions anytime she asked about his dreams of being an astronaut the way he did. 

He picked his notebook up off of his stand and crossed one leg over the other, so he could rest it precariously on top of it. Leaning back in his seat, he finally took a good look at her and gave her a lopsided smile that he must have thought would be comforting. “Well, I told you you had the floor to talk about whatever you wanted,” he said and played with his pen in his hand, flicking it back and forth and back and forth. “So what’s been on your mind?”

She stopped gripping the cushions, instead clutching her hands into fists in her lap. And she wondered what she could actually tell him that wouldn’t just make him call the cops without even any hesitation the next time she was late. “Den,” she started before realizing he had no idea who that was, “one of the kids I watch- she’s been having nightmares lately. It’s practically every day when she’s supposed to be napping, and- I can’t help but worry about her.”

Kaito ripped the cap off of his pen and started writing, but he was able to look up at her in clear curiosity as he did it. “You seem like the type of person that brings your work home with you. Would you say that’s the case?”

“I mean, my work literally is my home,” Maki said and noticed her leg start bouncing until she physically held it down. “It’s kind of hard not to.” 

“I guess that’s true,” Kaito agreed, chewing the inside of his cheek. But he added, “Kids have nightmares. That’s just a fact of life and not really something you can change. So it’s really something you shouldn’t let worry you, especially outside of working hours.” He glanced at the pile of books by his side and started rifling through them on the hunt for something. “I think I have a paper here about not bringing your work home with you. If I could just find it…”

“How exactly do you not bring your work home when work is home?” Maki repeated, and he held up a finger for her to wait a second, but it didn’t seem like he was going to find what he was looking for any time soon.

“Oh well. It’s not like I don’t remember what’s on the paper. I just would’ve liked to have a copy to give to you,” he mumbled under his breath before turning back to Maki. “It’s one of the things they teach you when you’re training to be a therapist. It’s a super important skill for people like us to have, but the same goes for people in any helping profession.”

Maki bit her lip. She didn’t like to admit she had a problem, but she just sighed and said, “Go on.”

“Alright.” Kaito picked up his notebook, so he could uncross his legs and put his notebook back on top of his stand. And he leaned forward, so his hands could grip onto his knees. “One thing you need to do is designate your hours for your work life,” he said. “You need hours you’re supposed to work and hours for you to just relax or do whatever it is you want to do, just not work.” He lifted a hand to hold onto his chin and cock his head to the side. “I assume your work day would start when the kids get home from school and end when they go to bed.” 

“But they do need me at night sometimes,” Maki argued.

Kaito pursed his lips and said, “There are times in most jobs where you have to work outside of your designated hours from time to time. But it’s still important to have those designated hours as a guideline, so you know when you’re allowed to just relax.” 

Maki shifted in her seat, sitting up straight and scooching a tiny bit closer. “I guess I could do that… or try at least.”

Kaito looked up toward the ceiling, muttering words to himself that she couldn’t possibly understand. “I think the next thing is you wanna work in a specified work space,” he said, grabbing his pen again and flicking it back and forth against his thigh. “So, in your case, you’d probably want to say something like your room is not part of your work space and stay out of there during your work hours.”

Maki pursed her lips into a thin line. She felt most at peace in her room and preferred to spend most of her days there, but she supposed she could see his point. “What else is there?”

“You might want to make an end of work habit,” he told her. He suddenly turned to his stand and picked up his notebook again, murmuring, “I should probably be writing this down for you…”

She waited for him to finish jotting down his notes before asking, “What exactly do I do as an end of work habit?”

Kaito bit the inside of his cheek. “It could be anything really, anything that helps you decompress.” He glanced down at his notebook and read aloud, “Okay. So we have designated work hours and spaces and an end of work habit.” He paused as he tried to remember what else was on the sheet he had in mind. “Besides that, I mean, there’s having a good support network of people to talk to about work, so you’re not burdening one person with all that information,” he added. “And you might want to create a third space too.”

Maki raised an eyebrow. “A third space?”

“Somewhere you can go to that isn’t work or home,” Kaito said. “It can be a huge stress reliever and makes sure that you’re not just jumping from one responsibility to the next without decompressing.” 

Maki nodded slowly in understanding, but she couldn’t think of anywhere she would like to have as a third space. “I’m assuming the orphanage wouldn’t count,” she said, and she watched as he put a hand to his chin and leaned back in thought. 

“Probably not,” he ended up agreeing eventually, “since you’re still technically working while you’re there.”

Maki glanced out the window as she heard cars whirring on their way. She didn’t really have anywhere else that she went, but perhaps that was what this very conversation was for- to consider finding one and cherishing it for what it was. 

“You don’t have to think of one right now,” Kaito said after a moment’s pause, reading her silence like she was an open book, and she didn’t know why it made her feel strange. Shuichi did it all the time, and she didn’t get this tightness in her chest. “Is that all you wanted to talk about on that subject?” he asked as he ripped the sheet of paper he’d been writing on out of his notebook and handed it to her. His handwriting was atrocious, but she could just barely read it, although that was mostly because she already knew what it was meant to say.

“I don’t know,” Maki replied. She drummed her fingers against her thighs but seemingly to no specific rhythm- at least not one she could think of. “The other two kids are always fighting,” she told him and readjusted her ponytail holder, so it held her hair tight and high, even though it wasn’t coming loose in the first place. She couldn’t help it- she was anxious. She had to talk about work without revealing who she worked for and as if she hadn’t already made Kaito suspicious. Because she really had no idea what else there was to talk about. She wasn’t perfect- not even close, but she was pretty on top of most things in her life outside of her job. 

“I assume you carry that with you too,” Kaito commented, and Maki nodded but looked down at the coffee table between them rather than at him.

“The thing is, I know why they’re fighting, even if they don’t,” she said, frowning deeply. “Chiharu, the oldest, wants Akemi, the middle kid, to understand that she’s smarter and stronger than him.” She crossed her arms over her chest and said, “In the end, it doesn’t matter. Akemi’s going to take over the family business because he’s the son. And I think Chiharu realizes that it’s not fair. I don’t know if she’s trying to prove herself to her father or just to herself, but I just… don’t know what to do.” 

Kaito tapped his pen against his notebook and was staring at Maki with his head cocked to the side when she finally looked up again. “Have you considered trying to get her interested in some other profession?” he asked, and she merely stared at him, not sure where he was going with this. He added, “If you help her find something she’s really passionate about and that she would think is more important than the family business, she should be fine.”

Maki mulled this over for a few seconds before she mumbled, “I guess you’re right.” She tried thinking of things she could convince her to give a shot, her head immediately going to the piano. They had one in the house, and she was fairly decent at playing it, but, if she could find a good time to bring Kaede over, she might be able to make some progress and alight something new inside her- if she was lucky. 

She heard the sound of something beeping and sat up straighter by force of habit, but Kaito merely pulled his phone out of his pocket and shut off whatever was making the noise. 

“And that’s about all the time we have,” he said, and she furrowed her eyebrows. She hadn’t realized just how long she’d been sitting there. But, more than that, she was surprised how painless all that time talking to him had been. She’d had such negative expectations going into therapy, especially after the morning she had had, that she locked her jaw just to make sure it wasn’t dropped wide open. 

He stood up, and she followed suit, but he let her go down the stairs by herself, murmuring something of a goodbye, and she said the same. When she reached the door at the bottom, she hesitantly pushed it open. Everything felt so strange, and it took her a moment to realize- it was because she was at peace for once in her life. 

That peace didn’t last very long. She immediately went to the orphanage after her appointment, and, while she knew she would have to face Shuichi at some point, she had hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. 

He sat on the couch in the family room while she changed one of the younger kids’ diapers, her nose wrinkled in distaste, even after doing it practically all the time. He was leaning forward, so he could rest his elbows on top of his thighs and fold his hands in between. 

“Let me get this straight,” he said, and she clenched her eyes shut as if he couldn’t berate her when she couldn’t see him. “You met Kaito at the club,” he spoke slowly like it was taking him time to understand, “and, as Kaede would say, ‘sucked his face off’...” 

Maki groaned. “Did you really need to repeat that?” she asked.

“You should’ve expected this,” Shuichi said, and she couldn’t argue with him. She should have seen things blowing up in her face coming- they somehow always did. “So you sucked his face off and, then, didn’t feel the need to mention he was your therapist?” 

“I don’t know why you two expect me to tell you everything,” Maki snapped, and he merely pursed his lips. “It’s embarrassing, alright? It’s embarrassing, and it’s not like I was gonna do anything else with him once I found out.”

“Kaede doesn’t seem so sure,” Shuichi pointed out, sitting up straighter and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Kaede’s a hopeless romantic,” Maki said and picked up the kid with the new diaper, so she could put him back in his play pen. “And, if we’re going to talk about Kaede, we can’t not bring up your own little breach of judgement.” She stood back up and put her hands on her hips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he told her and squared his shoulders.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Maki replied, rolling her eyes. “You’re the one who set her up with Kaito when you  _ know _ you love her.” 

“Even if I did,” Shuichi said and shook his head as if he couldn’t understand why she’d made the accusation in the first place, “she has this girl you two met at the club now.”

“If you said something, she might look at you differently,” Maki told him. “And she might like you back.” 

“She wanted someone like Miu,” he argued. “I’m nothing like her, in case you haven’t realized.”

“Neither is this girl from the club,” Maki said, throwing her hands in the air in disbelief. “If you’d just  _ said _ something, she might choose you.”

“You don’t know that,” Shuichi murmured, but his tone was unsure. 

“Well, now, we’ll never know because you missed your shot,” Maki said, her own tone biting. “Unless you haven’t. But we’ll never know because you’re only going to get the balls to say something when she’s head over heels for this new girl.” 

“Listen,” Shuichi said, running a hand down his face in exasperation. “This isn’t about me. And are you saying that, if I tell her, I won’t ruin our friendship forever?” He had his hands clenched into fists in his lap as he spoke. 

“Yes. That’s  _ exactly _ what I’m saying,” Maki replied, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Even if she _ didn’t _ realize she likes you too, your friendship is a lot stronger than any rejection could ever be.” 

“I don’t know,” Shuichi mumbled, getting up as one of the kids came to the archway between the living room and the hall. “What do you need, Eiko?”

The girl had stayed home from school that day. That was the only reason she was home at this hour. Maki didn’t see her very often but still ruffled her hair, ever affectionate toward the kids, even while her face suggested she felt anything but. “I feel like I’m gonna be sick,” she said, and Shuichi immediately headed toward the kitchen where they might have some leftover Pepto or something. 

While he was gone, she turned to Maki and stared up at her with furrowed eyebrows. After a moment’s silence, she asked, “What are you and Mr. Saihara fighting about?” Maki had hoped the girl hadn’t heard their conversation, but she should have known one of the kids would overhear them. 

“We’re both just very stubborn people,” Maki said with a sigh. “It’s nothing you need to worry about,” she added as Shuichi came back with the Pepto. Neither of them looked at each other as she went back upstairs, and they attended to their own separate responsibilities, almost as if they had accepted they would never get the other to agree with them. But, in reality, they were just too frustrated to bridge either conversation again, not when they were both too stubborn to get anywhere. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you’re enjoying the story. It would mean the world if you left a comment. What was your favorite part of this chapter?


	6. Chapter 6

Maki liked to pride herself on the fact that she didn't make the same mistake twice. She was generally a very smart and responsible person. It was why she flourished in the career she was in and why people tended to like and flock toward her, despite her rather cold exterior. So why was she in the bathroom in just a bra and panties with her phone's camera turned on and a breast cupped in one hand, lifted toward the screen?

She had started getting dressed after a long shower when she remembered she left her phone in the pocket of her sweatpants and went to get them out of the hamper. As she did, she accidentally swiped right and opened her phone's camera, and it occurred to her not for the first time that day- she was wearing the same bra and panties as the night she took those pictures. She had hesitated when she grabbed them from her dresser, but she only had so many pairs of underwear to choose from- and, if she really didn't care about Kaito, then, it shouldn't matter. 

But, then, she was turning on the front facing camera and cocking her head slightly to the side like she did whenever she took pictures of herself. She was lifting a breast and making faces from the most innocent one she could to an absolutely naughty, knowing look. She was turning her camera around and wiping down the mirror that was covered in condensation from the shower's steam, so she could take a couple mirror selfies too.

And she didn’t stop until she got a text from Kaede, reminding her she had made plans to see the girl at a local coffee shop. She put her phone down, so she could pick her skirt up off the floor and put it on, one leg at a time, and, then, shrug on her blouse after that. But, once she was back on her phone, she flicked through the pictures one at a time and felt something in her core- she felt her legs pressing together as if to keep the sensation inside rather than spilling right out of her system. 

She checked her latest texts from Kaito. He’d asked her how she was feeling a few days prior, and she told him she was working on implementing his advice into her days. She’d started taking long, hot showers at the end of her workday, although she had gone to sleep without it the previous night after trying to help Den calm down from a rather chilling nightmare. It was okay though- he had acknowledged there would be days her work day spilled over past its typical hours, and she just had to make sure it wasn’t an everyday thing. 

She scrolled back to their very first texts, back when he was calling her Maki Roll, and they were so comfortable with one another. All of the pictures they had sent were long gone, but there were still some scraps of memories of when things were much simpler. 

Her heart lurched, her chest tightening as she realized that she wanted it back. She recalled how at peace she had felt, leaving her last session with him- but it wasn’t enough. She wanted what they had when they first met. 

She took the time she knew she should have been spending getting ready for Kaede, selecting each and every individual picture she had just taken, and only paused when it was time to hit send. Hitting that button meant a lot- it meant accepting the responsibility for wherever her relationship with Kaito went from there. It meant facing possible judgement- from him and anyone else who found out. It meant facing possible rejection. But it also meant, perhaps, facing him admitting to the same feelings she was experiencing in himself, facing getting called Maki Roll and extraordinary every day for the foreseeable future.

She ended up closing the app in the end. She needed more time to think about what she wanted to do, and it was not the time for that when she already had plans she was going to end up being late for if she didn’t start to get ready. She headed back to her room, so she could get her purse and headed downstairs, aware of every single nerve in each of her legs as she did, but she tried her best to just ignore it. 

“I’m gonna head out now,” she said as she stepped into the kitchen and found Ena making herself some breakfast. The woman merely nodded her head, not even looking up as she waved a hand goodbye.

“Wait!” a voice called, and there was the sound of little legs nearly tumbling down the stairs in their haste. Den poked her head into the room, a worksheet clutched tightly in her hands. “I need help,” she told Maki, who glanced sideways in Ena’s direction. She was generally considered off duty on weekends when Ena was there to take on her role as the kids’ mother, but Den seemed to only want her help. She noticed her hands tighten around the glass she was holding and pursed her lips- it was awkward, but she had no choice really other than to help the girl. 

“Come here,” she said, gesturing for Den to approach the table where she immediately sat down and pulled a pencil out from behind her ear. Maki quickly saw that it was math homework- basic addition and subtraction, but she still questioned what kind of kindergartener had homework over weekends. 

It was a rather simple process helping Den as it really only took counting things off on her fingers to figure things out. The girl hopped off of her chair as Ena was sitting down across from her. “Thank you, Miss Maki!” she exclaimed before rushing up the stairs. 

Maki bit her lip as she watched her and turned to face Ena. She opened her mouth to speak, but the woman waved her off. “It’s fine. I’m fine,” she reassured her. Her voice was a bit shaky, and Maki didn’t know that she believed her, but she had no room to argue with the woman who signed her paychecks, so she gripped the strap of her purse and nodded as she headed to the door. “Have a good time with your friend,” Ena added, and Maki quietly thanked her as she left. 

“I really miss hanging out with Shuichi like this,” Kaede said as they sat down at their usual table in the corner of the coffee shop. It was the best place for people watching, a common interest between the two as it brought out Maki’s natural and Kaede’s usually hidden inner snark. “I know he’s busy because of work, but, sometimes, it feels like I never get to see him anymore.”

Maki wondered to herself if that was intentional- she knew how Shuichi felt about Kaede, and she could guess how he would feel around her while her romantic life was blooming, and he had no part in it. But she merely shrugged to Kaede- even if she hated to watch Shuichi throw away his shot, she wouldn’t betray his trust and tell Kaede his secret. “That’s just the life of a detective I guess,” she said instead.

Kaede pouted but nodded. “Anyway,” she said, shaking her head to rid herself of the thought of their missing friend, “I’ll go get us our drinks.” She stood up with her purse held tightly in one hand. “Oolong tea?”

Maki nodded and watched as her friend headed to the counter. While it was as easy as shaking her head for Kaede to stop thinking of Shuichi, it wasn’t quite so simple for her. She couldn’t help but think about the chance he was missing just because he was too much of a coward- and the chance she might just be missing in the same way. 

She opened her messenger app again and stared at it, her thoughts racing a mile a minute. But she kept coming back to the same conclusion. She wouldn’t be like Shuichi. She wouldn’t be a coward. She wouldn’t miss the opportunity that was right within her reach if she just did the uncomfortable thing and reached for it. So she did just that- she hit send and watched as each photo got delivered with a bit of a sick feeling in her stomach, but she closed her eyes once they were done sending and felt a certain sense of peace. Maybe it was just because she didn’t have this giant decision looming over her head anymore, but she believed it was more than that. It was the way Kaito made her feel and the way she hoped he would continue to make her feel when he saw how far she was willing to go to be with him. 

When Kaede returned with their drinks and a muffin for each of them (chocolate chip for her, blueberry for Maki), she tried not to focus on her phone and stay present in this moment she had with her friend. They made snide comments as they watched a woman with someone who could have been her brother or perhaps her boyfriend but who was clearly way too overbearing either way breathing down her neck while she just tried to type away at something on her computer and sip every once in a while at her cappuccino. “Men,” they breathed, rolling their eyes, and it made them a bit happier for once that Shuichi wasn’t there with them since he never quite knew what to say when they made comments like that in his presence. 

Still, it made Maki consider Kaito again, and she turned her phone on to check if she had gotten a message from him- but there was nothing to be seen. Even if he had been in a session with someone when she sent it, it had been well over an hour since then, and he should have had some break to check his phone. She chewed on her lower lip as she stared at the last message she had sent. It was one of the mirror selfies she had taken where she looked at the camera with a look that said she knew exactly what she was doing. She missed having that confidence as she worried what was taking him so long. 

“What’s up?” Kaede asked, gesturing to her holding her phone, and Maki turned it off as she set it back down on the table.

“I asked Kaito about switching up the time of our next session,” she lied through her teeth, “but he hasn’t texted me back yet.”

“Maybe Shuichi knows what’s up?” Kaede suggested between bites of her muffin, holding a hand in front of her mouth, so Maki wouldn’t have to see the chewed up pieces inside. “You should text him.”

“Maybe…” Maki muttered, taking a small sip of her tea and staring pensively at her phone. Eventually, she did pick it up and write out a message for Shuichi, and she just hoped that he wasn’t too busy to respond. 

_ Hey. Do you know what Kaito’s doing?  _ She quickly added for context,  _ I asked him about our next session, and he hasn’t responded.  _

She saw him immediately start typing a response once her second message had sent, and she raised an eyebrow as he was supposedly too busy to hang out with them but apparently not busy enough that he couldn’t text them back. 

_ He’s not going to respond for awhile _ , Shuichi said, and Maki frowned at her screen as she waited for some explanation.  _ He’s currently unconscious at the hospital _ .

Maki felt her heart sink to her stomach- she felt goosebumps prickle at her skin and her body go cold. 

“What’s wrong?” Kaede asked slowly, sensing her anxiety like they had twin telepathy or something. 

“I’ve gotta go,” Maki said, grabbing her purse and her drink. Kaede could finish what was left of her muffin. She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold it down as she shuffled out of the shop and toward her car, phone in hand and nearly running into another woman because she was so busy texting. 

_ What floor and room number? I’m coming over _ , she said as she hopped into the driver’s seat and practically tore a hole in her purse looking for her keys. Even before he had responded, she was driving to the hospital. She assumed he was at the one closest to where he worked, and she had her work cut out for her, getting there, as it was all the way on the other side of town. 

When she finally got there and parked, she finally looked at her phone again.  _ Wait. Isn’t that against some kind of agreement between you guys as one of his clients?  _ Shuichi asked, but she supposed he took her not responding as a sign that she was coming, no matter what he said, and he added the information she asked for. 

She raced up to the third floor and scrambled around, searching for his room number, when she finally saw Shuichi pacing outside of a room. “What are you doing here?” he asked when he turned around and saw her, quickly walking over to meet her. But she just kept walking past him and opened the door.

She didn’t know what she was expecting to see, but her heart lurched at the sight of him, unconscious in a hospital bed with way too many machines hooked up to him. She practically stumbled as she stepped further inside, Shuichi following close behind her. “What happened?” she asked, sinking onto one of the few chairs they had lying around. She heard a sound from the other side of a curtain in the middle of the room and realized there was another patient on the other side. It sounded like they were talking quietly with their mother, and she lowered her own voice to accommodate them like they did her and Shuichi. 

“Kaito has a condition called arrhythmia,” Shuichi told her, crossing his arms over his chest as he too stared at his friend with a solemn look on his face. “It caused him to go into cardiac arrest last night.” 

“When did you find out?” she asked, finally noticing the bags underneath Shuichi’s eyes. 

“His roommate texted me last night, but I only checked it when I left work this morning,” he said. 

“You need to sleep,” Maki told him, and he shook his head. “What do you mean no?”

“I need to look after him while his roommate gets some sleep,” he replied, brushing a hand through his hair, which was a mess, probably from him doing exactly that but all day long. 

“I can look after him,” Maki said, and he merely raised an eyebrow. 

“You shouldn’t be here in the first place,” he said and was about to say more, but her signature glare silenced him. “I can look after him. Really. I’m fine.”

“At least stop pacing and sit down,” she argued, pulling out another chair for him to rest. “Unless pacing is the only way you’re going to stay awake,” she said knowingly, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek as he considered her words. 

“Fine,” he said eventually and sat down next to her. “I’ll rest for a little while. But you need to leave when I’m done.”

“Fine,” Maki said, although they both knew she was lying. 

It didn’t take long for Shuichi to fall asleep, despite his words, and, once she confirmed he wasn’t just resting his eyes, she found herself openly staring at Kaito. He looked so peaceful while he was out, his eyes, which always burned so brightly, finally at rest. His mouth was ever so slightly open, and she watched each gentle inhale and exhale. It was sad as she thought more about it, but she was just relieved to still see some sign of life. She hadn’t known at all what to expect when she got in her car and drove there, but she knew he was going to be okay as she dropped her eyes from his form to her phone. She didn’t want to get so sad, especially not quite so obviously when Shuichi could wake up at any moment. 

Kaede had texted her, making sure everything was fine, and she sent a reply, saying one of the kids had gotten hurt and was going to the emergency room. She hated lying to Kaede, but she couldn’t explain why she had rushed to Kaito’s side like she did without answering questions she didn’t want to be asked in the first place.

She, eventually, plugged in her headphones and tried to focus on anything other than her surroundings, but her attention was immediately on Kaito when she heard a throaty noise that was almost but not quite a cough. She whipped her earbuds out, and her chair screeched against the floor as she scooted it closer to Kaito, who clenched his eyes shut for a moment before blinking them open. 

She imagined he had to take a moment to let his gaze come into focus as he didn’t immediately say anything at her being there. But, once he stopped blinking, he furrowed his eyebrows, eyes flicking from her to Shuichi and back again. “Maki? What are you doing here?” He shook his head groggily and added, “Can I assume I know why  _ I’m _ here?” 

“You went into cardiac arrest,” Maki mumbled, and he didn’t look at all surprised. It made her chest hurt to see him so accepting of something so horrible. “I texted you, and you never responded, so I asked Shuichi what happened, and- I came right over,” she added, knowing it wasn’t a good enough explanation for anyone, let alone Kaito, but she couldn’t lie to him, even if that was all she had been doing all day- lying. 

Kaito opened his mouth to speak, but a doctor came in and paused at the sight of Kaito awake and talking to a visitor he had never seen before. “Glad to see you’re recovering well,” the man said. He didn’t seem to notice Shuichi in the corner as he didn’t lower his voice to accommodate the sleeping man, and Shuichi groaned quietly as he woke up and immediately started stretching his neck. 

As he opened his eyes and saw Kaito was finally conscious again, he stood up without a second thought, his hand reaching into his back pocket to get his phone. “I’m glad you’re awake,” he said, his voice full of all of the emotion he would rather not show on his face. He stepped in the direction of the hallway, telling him, “I should probably call Rantaro and let him know.” 

Once it was the three of them left, excluding the people on the other side of the curtain, the doctor clutched a clipboard in his hands and started explaining his condition to Kaito, who seemed to understand everything he was saying. Maki couldn’t follow any of the medical jargon- she caught onto something about coronary catheterization and antiarrhythmics, but she didn’t know what any of that actually meant. She did understand it though when the doctor finally explained that he would only have to be in the hospital for a few more days so long as everything went to plan. 

She breathed a sigh of relief, although she immediately tensed up when Kaito started looking around the room and asked, “Could I have my phone? I don’t want to leave my clients out of the loop.”

He found his phone on one of the leftover chairs and promptly reached for it, but Maki held her arm out to block his hand. “Not-not right now,” she said, and Kaito furrowed his eyebrows at her but nodded like he trusted her judgement. 

Maki felt a bit sick until the doctor finally left- she knew she couldn’t let Kaito look at his phone with the man in the room, and, of course, Shuichi came back in right after he left. “Rantaro’s on his way over,” he told Kaito, who merely nodded. 

“You should go home,” he said, pursing his lips into a thin line. “You look exhausted.”

Shuichi sighed but didn’t argue with him, seeing Maki sitting up to back him up. But he didn’t need to listen to her reiterate Kaito’s worries. “I’ll go home and rest for a little bit,” he agreed. Still, he held up a finger and said, “I’m coming back as soon as I’ve rested though.”

“Of course,” Kaito said, although he sighed as soon as his friend had left. He turned to Maki and asked, “Can I look at my phone now?”

She chewed on her lower lip, knowing things would never be the same once he had looked but also knowing there was no further preventing this. She nodded, picking up his phone and handing it over herself. 

“I guess you know why I can’t be an astronaut now,” he commented as he unlocked his phone. Maki opened her mouth to say something- she hadn’t made that connection yet actually-, but, then, his eyebrows flew up his forehead as he stared down at his phone. He glanced at her in the corner of his eyes and dropped it onto his lap, face down, so no one could come in and see the absolute filth that was there. He lowered his head- ran his hands through his hair and sighed. It was a pitiful sound, one that made it perfectly clear- he had no idea what to do with her. 

She leaned back in her seat, hoping to feel more at ease the further away from him she got. Unfortunately, there were still the very same butterflies poking around inside her stomach. “Well?” she finally asked, tugging on one of her pigtails, so her hands had something to do.

“That’s all you have to say for yourself?” Kaito replied, lifting his head to reveal his eyebrows were drawn together, and he had a deep frown etched onto his face. “Well? Well what? I thought you didn’t even want to talk about that night? So why are you doing this now?” 

Maki swallowed thickly and told him, “I decided I do want to. To talk about that night and- what it meant.” Doubting herself, she quickly added, “To me at least.” 

“I’m your therapist,” Kaito breathed, quiet so as not to disturb the people on the other side of the curtain and clutching his phone in his hand again only to drop it again like it had burned him. “We can’t have this kind of relationship- for so many reasons.” He brushed his hair back out of his face. Without all of the product he usually used on it, it wasn’t standing up like it normally did. “It’s not healthy,” he eventually added as they sat in dreadful silence. 

“No one has to know,” Maki said just as quietly, even though she knew it was awfully weak as a rebuttal. 

“No,” Kaito immediately replied and dragged a hand down his face. “No. I’m not doing that or anything remotely like it. There’s a line that therapist-client relationships can’t cross, and I’m drawing that line now.”

“You can’t tell me you don’t feel anything toward me, anything that a therapist shouldn’t feel about their client,” Maki argued, hand clenched in a fist and held in front of her chest where her heart was beating a mile a minute. 

“I can’t tell you that. You’re right,” Kaito said, the covers drawn over him bunched up inside his hands. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give into those feelings when it would be completely wrong- for both of us.” 

“Why, if you feel the same way I do, would you not do something about it?” Maki asked, and the hurt must have been written plainly on her face because he turned his head away, so he didn’t have to look directly at her. 

“First of all, it would put my career in serious danger,” he said, shaking his head as he spoke. “If anyone ever found out, I’d lose  _ everything _ .”

Maki chewed on her lip. She hadn’t considered the consequences for him- at least not as much as she clearly should have. But, still, she felt like something had to be done and opened her mouth to speak.

But Kaito cut her off before she could, “Not to mention the clear power imbalance that no relationship should have.” 

Maki raised an eyebrow and told him, “We’re both mature adults. Just because you’re my therapist doesn’t mean you have power over me, and, even if you did, we wouldn’t let it become a problem.”

“That’s easy for you to say now,” he told her. “But, once it becomes a problem, you’ll be singing a completely different tune. Or, even worse, you won’t- because of the power I would have over you.”

“This is ridiculous,” Maki said, raising her voice only for Kaito to glare at her. She paused at that, not expecting anything so cold from him, who was always so warm and kind. “So you want nothing to do with me then? Is that it?” she asked, lowering her volume again and placing her hand in her lap, where she grabbed onto the fabric of her skirt, so she had something- anything to hold onto. 

“I don’t know,” Kaito admitted, and she blanched, not expecting him to be so honest with his answer. “What I do know,” he said, finally turning to look her in the eyes again, “is that you should probably not be here right now.”

Maki glared at him, but he didn’t seem fazed by it. “Whatever,” she said, and she hated how she sounded like a little kid who didn’t get the toy they wanted. She exhaled slowly through her nose and added, “I hope you recover quickly.” Standing up and grabbing her purse, she exited the room with her heart in her stomach, even as she passed a green haired man who went into Kaito’s room. She assumed he was Rantaro.

But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she had finally opened herself up to someone- and this was the result she got. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you’re enjoying this story. If there was anything about the story or the writing that you liked, please let me know, so I can emulate it in future chapters. Comments can really make my day and motivate me to write new chapters faster!


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a couple days since Maki had seen Kaito, and, in that time, she hadn’t seen or heard from Shuichi either, despite volunteering at the orphanage several times during the week. She would normally see him at least once there throughout the week, and she wasn’t quite sure how to feel about his absence. She figured he was spending all of his free time with Kaito and dreaded his return because she didn’t want any reminder of what had transpired the last time she had seen either of them. But another part of her still wanted to know that Kaito was okay, even after everything he had said. 

He came to sign in for the day while Maki was just watching some of the babies in their playpen. She pretended to be busy on her phone for a moment, hoping he would leave her alone. And, thankfully, one of the toddlers came in and distracted him with a question about their homework. They dragged him right past the living room where she was sitting and to the kitchen table where she could just barely make out their conversation. 

“You were gone for a long time. Where did you go?” the girl, Suzuki, asked, and it sounded like she was chewing on something, probably her hair since she had a tendency to put it in her mouth and bite it. 

“I was with one of my friends,” Shuichi told her, and it sounded like that was all he was going to say on the matter. “Can you stop putting your hair in your mouth?”

“But we’re your friends too,” she said instead of acknowledging his question. “Aren’t we?”

“Well, yes,” Shuichi said, and she could hear the pain in his voice as he added, “but this friend of mine had an emergency.”

“An emergency?” she asked, sounding scared and confused. “What kind of emergency?”

Shuichi sighed and said, “He was in the hospital for a couple of days. But he’s fine now, so there’s no need to worry.” Suzuki started laughing hysterically and gasping for air, and Maki could only imagine Shuichi tickling the girl to distract her from his bleak reality that week. 

“Stop,” she cried, and he seemed to listen as her laughter quieted down all of a sudden. “I wanna make your friend something,” she said suddenly, humming under her breath as she thought about it. “Like a drawing! Everyone loves my drawings!”

“That’s sweet, but you don’t have to do that,” Shuichi told her gently. “He’s really fine now.”

“But he must have been scared,” Suzuki replied. “Hospitals are way scary. So I can draw him something totally not scary.” She inhaled sharply and added, “We should make him a card!” 

“We?” Shuichi asked, and there was a loud noise as Suzuki jumped out of her chair, and it scraped across the floor. “What are you doing, Su?” 

“Getting paper! And markers!” she called. She came back a minute later, groaning as she lugged a large stack of paper and a box full of markers onto the table. “What’s your friend’s favorite color?” 

“Su, I thought I was here to help you with your homework,” Shuichi pointed out.

“That can wait! We’ve gotta make your friend not feel scared first,” she argued. Maki wasn’t entirely convinced that Suzuki wasn’t at least partly motivated to make this card then and there by her distaste for homework, but she had less faith in humanity than most people. 

“What’s your friends favorite color?” she asked as she opened the lid on the box. 

Shuichi merely sighed and told her, “Purple.”

She gasped, clapping her hands together. “Mine too!” She started digging through the box, seemingly to find purple markers and said, “See? We need to make him feel better. He knows what the best color is.” 

Shuichi chuckled quietly, seemingly coming to accept that Suzuki wasn’t going to listen to him any time soon- because he really had to at that point. 

“Does he like animals?” she asked as she uncapped one of her markers.

“He likes dogs,” Shuichi told her, and she squealed in excitement.

“Me too!” Her marker squeaked as she dragged it across the page and said, “I’m gonna draw him a purple dog. And a flower! Everyone loves flowers.”

“He’s actually allergic,” Shuichi said, but she didn’t seem to be listening to him, humming a song under her breath as she drew on her piece of paper.

“He’s what?” she asked.

“Nevermind,” Shuichi replied, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s nothing important.”

“Okay!” she said, seemingly forgetting he had even said anything in the first place. “I’m gonna fold it hotdog style. All of the best cards are folded hotdog style.” 

“You don’t even like hotdogs,” Shuichi commented.

“What does liking hotdogs have to do with anything?” she asked, and Maki shook her head at the girl’s intriguing line of thinking. “Miss Maki!” she suddenly called out, and Maki pushed herself off of the couch with a low groan. When she walked into the kitchen, she saw the absolute mess that Suzuki had made on the table. Shuichi was still holding onto her math homework, lest it get lost among the chaos. 

“Yeah? What’s up, Su?” she sighed, leaning her body against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest. 

“Can you get the others? We all have to sign the card for Mr. Shuichi’s friend.”

Maki raised an eyebrow at that. She didn’t know how receptive the other kids would be about signing a card for someone they didn’t know, but she supposed she just had to put her trust in the overwhelming enthusiasm of small children. She headed into the hallway all of their rooms were down and started knocking lightly on their doors. “Suzuki wants you guys to come to the kitchen,” she said as she poked her head inside each room. One of the kids, a little boy named Daichi, was actually on his bed sleeping, so she didn’t tell him, but the rest of the kids quickly finished whatever they were doing and headed to the kitchen. Maki followed close behind them. 

“What is this all about?” Eiko, one of the older kids, asked, folding her hands behind her back before haphazardly picking up a pink marker. “What are we drawing?” 

“You don’t need to draw. I already finished that part,” Suzuki told her as she capped her purple marker and stuck it back inside her box. “Mr. Shuichi’s friend had an emergency. He was in the hospital,” she added, turning to look at the rest of the kids, who made pained faces. They all remembered when Eiko had gone to the hospital a couple months ago when she’d fallen and hit her tooth on a stair made of cement. The girl in question flinched at the memory but clearly tried to hide it from the rest of them, so she could look tough for the younger kids. 

“I thought we could all sign the card I made for him,” Suzuki added, and they all nodded their heads in understanding. Maki was sure that most of them had no clue how to sign their names, but she supposed it didn’t matter to Kaito if they just printed them or not. “I already signed mine. So just pick a color and write it!” She stepped out of the way of the rest of them, and the kids all dashed to get the color marker they wanted. Maki and Shuichi had to gently move them all into a single file line, so it wasn’t pure chaos, to which most of them started to argue until Maki fixed them with a glare. Eiko actually headed to the back of the line without being asked, even though she had already picked her marker. 

Once they were finally done, Suzuki picked up the folded piece of printer paper and admired her work. “Your friend’s gotta love this!” she cheered and handed it to Shuichi. “When can you give it to him?” she asked, folding her hands together in front of her face. “How soon?” 

Shuichi held the card like it was something delicate, careful of smearing any of the designs or names left inside. “I was going to visit this weekend,” he told her, and the girl’s face fell as well as those around her. “But we might be able to get it to him a bit earlier than that,” he said and turned to Maki. “Maki is seeing him this week. Right?”

Maki frowned deeply but nodded. She couldn’t deny it, although there was some question as to when exactly she would be seeing him as he hadn’t even told her if he was out of the hospital yet. She figured he would inform her within the next few days, and they’d get right back on schedule with their weekly sessions. 

Shuichi held the card out to her, and she took it with some hesitation as if it might burn her if she gripped it too harshly. However, seeing Suzuki’s little face and how she bit her lip nervously, she held it properly. And she glanced over the purple dog and flower she had drawn on the cover with a slow nod of her head. “He’ll really like this,” she assured the girl, who couldn’t help but grin and raise her hands in the air in a cheer. 

“Now, you have to do your math homework though,” Maki reminded her, and Suzuki’s face immediately fell. Maki gestured toward Shuichi, and he pushed the printer paper and markers out of the way, so he could lay the worksheet in question on the table. The other kids filtered out of the room, and Suzuki merely sighed as she gave in and sat down next to Shuichi. 

Maki turned to leave the room when she saw Eiko loitering in the doorframe, her hands folded in front of herself as she awkwardly fidgeted with them. “What wrong?” she asked, dropping a gentle hand onto her shoulder. The girl flinched at first, but she seemed to realize it wouldn’t hurt her and merely chewed on the inside of her cheek. 

“Hospitals are really scary,” she said and stopped fidgeting to cross her arms over her chest. “Just… make sure your friend is really okay,” she added, and Maki raised an eyebrow. She was about to tell her he really wasn’t her friend, just Shuichi’s, but the girl quickly left the room as if that was all she had wanted to say. 

Maki sighed, wondering if she should go and make sure the girl was alright. But she didn’t think she would receive her line of questioning well and decided to just watch the little ones in their playpen again. She probably shouldn’t have left them in the first place, but, sure enough, they had barely moved from where they had been before, still playing in the same little groups and with the exact same toys. 

She merely held her head in her hand and drummed her fingers against her cheek as she watched them. 

It took a few more days for Kaito to contact her, but, once he did, they scheduled another session, and, like clockwork, Maki was seated on the waiting room couch, waiting for him to be ready and come down to get her. She hummed underneath her breath as her phone played a song she couldn’t remember ever hearing before, something on her Daily Mix that Spotify seemed to think she would like. She caught onto where the chorus was going easily enough, so perhaps it was a bit simple, but she didn’t hate it. 

She turned it off once she heard steps coming down the stairs, tossing her phone and her headphones into her purse and standing up to meet Kaito. 

He said goodbye to his other client, a young boy probably around college age, and she silently moved out of his way downstairs. But, when Kaito saw her, he just nodded his head and led the way upstairs. She followed close behind him, and, when he started to turn around to ask her, she had already closed the door to the staircase. 

“Oh- okay,” he murmured. She just barely heard him, and she raised an eyebrow at just how quiet he was being. He held the door to his office open for her, and she turned to him as she stepped inside, the words already forming in her mouth to ask him why he was acting so strange- and, if he didn’t want to see her anymore, he should just say so and not ask her to come, so he could break the news. 

Her mouth closed again as his was suddenly on top of hers. She furrowed her eyebrows and stared at him with wide eyes, not daring to move for even a second, even as he tried to sway her with a light bite on her lower lip. He finally pulled away with a solemn look on his face but not for long as she, with barely enough time for a second thought, tugged on the collar of his shirt and brought their lips together once again. 

This time, when he bit her lip, she opened her mouth and let his tongue fight hers for dominance, although they both knew it would be hers in the end. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, and he almost got the best of her, but she was indomitable just like they thought. 

After a few minutes, when they were beyond merely needing a breather, he rested his forehead on top of hers, and they both closed their eyes as their chests heaved for air. It was Maki who opened hers first, a curious look on her face as she gazed into his all too peaceful expression. 

She opened her mouth to ask a question, and, as if he just knew her that well, he lifted his face from hers and put a finger to his lips. “Someone else who works here is in the room right next to us,” he whispered, and she remembered the person she occasionally heard beyond the room dividers. “They can’t know what we’re doing in here,” he added, and she nodded slowly in understanding.

Still, she raised an eyebrow and asked, “What exactly are we doing in here?” 

He smirked, and she found herself pressing her legs together as if she could keep the feelings he gave her inside if she just tried hard enough. 

She suddenly dug into her purse, remembering what she was supposed to be doing here. She couldn’t guarantee that the card had escaped without any bent pages, but she had tried her best to keep it in the best condition possible. “The kids at the orphanage wanted you to have this,” she told him, seeing his confused expression. 

His mouth formed the shape of an O as he took the card into his own hands. He smiled at Suzuki’s little drawings, and she watched as he read every single name on the page, and there were a lot of them. “Why’d they make this for me?” he asked, laying it carefully on top of the many books on his stand. 

“They heard you were in the hospital from Shuichi,” she told him, crossing her arms over her chest and shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “That and they didn’t want to do their math homework,” she said, mostly as a joke, but Kaito didn’t smile. She could tell he was thinking long and hard about something, and she asked, “What is it?”

“I don’t know if I have any printer paper here,” he murmured almost too quietly for her to hear it. She raised an eyebrow as he looked through his books for any blank piece of paper he could find. 

“You’re making a card for them?” she guessed, and he nodded, although she could tell his mind was far from being on her anymore. “You know you don’t have to respond to a get well soon card? The whole point is for the recipient to relax.”

“Normally, the sender isn’t an orphanage full of young children,” he said and finally managed to pull out a suitable paper. It was yellow, not white, but she was sure he was thinking it would have to make due as he grabbed a pen and clicked it open and closed and open and closed again and again. “What’s something kids like that I can draw?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. “Besides a dog and a flower?”

“The sun?” Maki suggested, sitting down on his couch and watching as he continued to fiddle with his pen. She knew the kids she worked with loved to be outside, even if she would rather stay indoors than watch them play in dirt. “A smiley face?”

“Well, the sun has to have a smiley face,” Kaito said as if that was obvious, and Maki just shook her head. “I don’t really have anything to color it in, but I guess this will have to work.” He quickly folded the card- hotdog style, which she knew Suzuki would be pleased about- and signed it for good measure. Then, he handed it to her with a lopsided grin as if he wasn’t entirely sure it was worth the wait, but he felt pretty good about it. “Well?”

Maki glanced down at it. There was only a sun with a smiley face on the front cover, but, when she opened it up, she found a short message from Kaito. 

_ Thank you for your card _ , it read in somewhat sloppy script.  _ You didn’t have to do anything for me, but you drew such beautiful pictures and all signed your names. It made me really happy, so I thought you deserved your own card as thanks.  _

She bit her lip, her chest hurting as she read the message and his signature at the bottom of the page:  _ All the best, Kaito Momota _ . She looked up at him again to see him with his hands bunched into fists on his thighs as he rocked silently back and forth. He could have been the dictionary picture for anxiety in that moment, so she smiled as gently as she possibly could- it wasn’t something she did all that often. It felt like she was using muscles in her face that she’d never even budged. 

“You always find new ways of surprising me,” she commented as she stuck the card inside her purse. She tried to place it between papers where it would hopefully not get bent, but she was not the most careful or organized person when it came to her purse. Kaito looked like he could die in that moment, and she quickly clarified, “Not in a bad way- in a good way.” 

He loosed a sigh of clear relief and relaxed his hands on top of his knees, leaning forward ever so slightly to look her in the eyes. “Don’t want to be average, now do I?” he asked, and she couldn’t help the grin that took over her face. 

But it only took a short moment for her expression to become pensive, her lips pursed into a thin line and her eyebrows drawn together. “You still haven’t answered my question. What are we doing here? I thought this was something you couldn’t risk.”

He cocked his head to the side as he considered her words and what he had to say in response. Eventually, he just said, “I thought about it, and I don’t think I can risk not doing anything with and about you either.”

Maki nodded slowly. She had felt that same pressure. She understood exactly what he meant, how he felt. “So are our sessions just going to be like this from now on?” she asked. “How far are you willing to go with your job on the line?” She pointed to the door and said, “One question from a coworker, and we’re done here- you’re done here.” 

“You still need a therapist,” Kaito said, and Maki glared at him, though she knew it was true. “If some feelings could really get so far in the way of me doing my job, I don’t deserve to be a therapist in the first place.”

“So we’re still going to have sessions as usual?” Maki raised an eyebrow. It was a strange idea, but she wouldn’t feel comfortable paying him only for them to spend the entire session making out at the same time. 

“If you’re willing to trust me, I think we can have the best of both worlds,” Kaito replied, although he scratched the back of his head nervously. “I think we can make it work.”

Maki hummed underneath her breath but, after a few moments of thought, nodded. “Okay,” she told him, and he smiled as if he hadn’t been anxious at all. “If you’re willing to try it, so am I.”

“Great,” Kaito said, rubbing the back of his hand against his forehead. “I was worried for a second there.”

“I could tell,” Maki said with a short chuckle. 

She wasn’t sure if this would work, but she was at least sure it would be interesting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m sorry it’s been such a long time since I updated. I started school again, and it’s been a big adjustment. I haven’t had the motivation to write in a long time, but I’m planning to get back on a regular writing schedule. I just won’t be writing every day anymore, so updates might be slower. And I might have to take off sometimes when I have a big test to study for or a paper to work on. I had both in the past week, so it’s kinda a miracle I’m writing this for you now. Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m back, but updates will be slow. I hope you at least enjoyed this chapter, and it would really mean the world if you left a comment, whether it be about a specific moment you enjoyed or if there was anything you liked about my writing- anything like that. Comments really do mean the world to fanfic writers like me, so please, if you have something to say, I would love to hear it.


	8. Chapter 8

Maki hadn’t known what to expect as she stepped out of her Uber after sliding the driver a small tip. She didn’t normally tip her Uber drivers, but she knew how aggravating it could be, driving down these small but seemingly perpetually busy, country roads and figured it was the least she could do. Even she had somewhat of a heart. Somewhat. 

But she hadn’t expected to inch in the direction of the building’s back door only for Kaito to emerge from it, pulling a light, purple jacket onto his body as he came forward. Maki pulled the blood red cardigan she was wearing closer to herself, wondering if she too should be wearing something more as the days grew gradually colder. But the cool fall air never really bothered her before. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked him as he stopped in front of her, a lazy grin on his face. It shouldn’t have been so attractive with how lopsided it was, but she knew, if she could help her feelings for him, they would be in a very different situation. 

He put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them gently as they tensed ever so slightly underneath his grip. He turned away from her and in the direction of a car that she’d seen a million times in one of the parking spots reserved for faculty only but that she’d always paid no mind. “I’d like to introduce you to Haruka,” he said, placing a hand on the purple hood. 

Maki turned to face it properly, running her eyes carefully over the sight of the thing. She certainly didn’t know enough about cars to be able to tell its make or model just by looking at it, but what she could tell was that the thing was old- very, very old. It seemed to have started rusting a long time ago, and, although she couldn’t tell what repairs it had had done, it simply looked like it was ready to fall apart and die. So, when she met Kaito’s eyes, she didn’t share the mirth on his face. “Haruka?”

“This thing was my granddad’s before it was mine,” he said, jolting to unlock and open the passenger’s side door for her. He seemed to expect her to hop in without any hesitation, but she remained where she stood and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t doubt that it was a family heirloom, based on the look of the thing, but that didn’t mean she was getting in it. 

“It looks two seconds away from breaking down,” she told him, gesturing vaguely in its general direction. “I don’t need to end up in the hospital. You don’t need to end up in the hospital  _ again _ .” 

“Oh, come on,” Kaito argued, walking around to open up the driver’s side door and sinking behind the wheel. She couldn’t tell if the chair was intentionally fluffy or if some kind of animal had chewed at the head of it so much that the stuffing was coming out. “I drive to work in her every day, and she never gives me any problems.” 

Maki raised an eyebrow and gave him a withering stare. “Never?” she asked, stepping closer to it but still not getting inside. 

“Never,” he repeated and kept eye contact with her, despite the intensity in her stare.

She couldn’t argue with that and sighed as she hopped into the car- Haruka- and, albeit hesitantly, pulled the door shut, knowing there was no getting out now. “If I die in this thing, you’re going to have a lot of people to answer to,” she warned him. She was mostly referring to the yakuza, but she could see a crowd of angry orphans coming after him too. 

“You’re gonna be fine. This thing has seen it all. Nothing can drag her down,” Kaito said, patting the dashboard lovingly. 

“Sure,” Maki replied as she strapped in her seat belt and silently prayed to all of the gods she’d never believed in. “Where are we going anyway? Are we just skipping my appointment this time?” She arched an eyebrow and added, “You know I’m not paying you for this, whatever it is. Right?”

“You have no faith in me,” he bemoaned, pushing his bangs out of his face, so he could look her in the eye with nothing obstructing his vision. “You’re not having therapy. You’re having self care. I’m treating you to a good time.” He stuck his keys in the ignition, and Maki cringed at how hoarse Haruka’s engine sounded- she sounded like she’d been smoking two packs of cigarettes a day since the seventies. “Isn’t that what a good boyfriend is meant to do?”

Maki turned to stare at him at that. They hadn’t discussed whatever their situation was in the weeks since he’d first kissed her- they certainly hadn’t used terms like boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but she also felt immature, making such a big deal of such a simple thing as if it was her first rodeo or something.

But, then again, was it her first rodeo? She’d been with people before- guys, girls, and whatever was in between, but she didn’t think she’d ever called anyone a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner before. Things had always been short lived and mostly physical. And the same had been true of her and Kaito up until now. She knew they had feelings for each other, but she realized in that moment that she’d never been prepared to address them in any way that wasn’t physical. 

He seemed to sense her confusion, gently reaching out to lift her chin, so he could look into her eyes and smile in a way he silently hoped was reassuring. “You mean a lot to me, but, if you don’t feel the same way, we can always go back inside and spend the rest of the hour on your regularly scheduled appointment.”

“It’s not that I don’t feel the same way,” Maki said immediately, her heart beating faster once she realized exactly what she said. “I’m just… not used to this,” she admitted, chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

“I can take it slow,” Kaito said, reaching for his seat belt but hesitating after a moment and glancing back at her. “What do you want to do?”

Maki still didn’t know what he was planning, but she found that she wanted to know, and she wasn’t, usually, the curious type. “I want to see what you have in store.”

Kaito grinned and strapped himself in with a metallic tone of finality. “It’s not much,” he told her, his hands hovering in the air as if to stop her before she got her hopes up. “I just figured we could go to the new bar in town. But I think you’ll like it.” He stepped on the accelerator, and the car lurched into action, but Maki didn’t feel as scared for her life as she thought she would. There was something about old Haruka that was comforting. Even she had to admit it. 

It didn’t take long for them to reach the bar. It was still in the same town as the office they had their sessions in and even close by to the flower shop Ena ran. Maki was surprised she had never heard of the place, but she supposed it wasn’t the kind of thing Ena would be interested in, let alone something she’d want to talk to her about. 

As they got out of the car, Maki felt her shoulders fall as a bit of tension left her body- she supposed she had been scared after all, even if only unconsciously. She fiddled with the hem of her blouse as Kaito walked over and lifted one of her hands inside his own, immediately intertwining their fingers- and making her suck in a shallow breath. 

The bar was warm inside. But it wasn’t a sticky heat like in the club they had first met in. It was the kind of warmth that made your heart beat slow in your chest and your eyes fall slowly shut. Maki knew that her hair wouldn’t be stuck to her neck with sweat when they left the place.

There was a folk song playing over the sound system, and girls were twirling under hands interlocked with men, other girls, and everything in between. It came to a sweet climax as they sat down at the bar, and Maki heard a DJ say something about a round of karaoke. His muttering was quickly drowned out by the voices and soft laughter of the crowd, but she saw a girl hop up out of her seat and practically bounce her way over to him where he was tugging out a clipboard and a pen. 

Kaito rubbed her thigh gently, and she realized, as her attention waned, she’d been gripping his hand tightly, her knuckles having gone white with the exertion. She let it go with a quietly murmured apology, but he shook his head and replied, “No worries.” She turned to face the bartender as he came up to the two of them, but, before the man could say anything, Kaito asked, “Soda or a Spritz?”

She immediately knew what he was doing. They’d talked in therapy about how she could stop drinking quite so much, and he’d told her her “reactance” when someone suggested she drink something with less alcohol would only get her in trouble. But, if she framed things like a choice between something without alcohol or something not particularly strong, she wouldn’t react like that. She thought she’d struggle with the idea if she was being honest and had said as much at the time, but she couldn’t help but smile in the moment, knowing, for once, someone was truly trying to take care of her. She asked for a Spritz, and he just got a Coke. 

The girl from before got on stage, and people quieted down as she took position, and the speakers started playing a peppy pop tune. She immediately started dancing along as if she was in a larger production and not all alone. She danced like she deserved a dozen backup dancers alongside her. And, when she started singing- something about feeling special-, it became clear the song was some kind of kpop- from the sound of the lyrics themselves to the dynamic energy of the entire performance, it was obvious. Maki was also sure she had heard it at some point online before, possibly on Kaede’s profile when she wasn’t spamming piano covers or venting about whatever was going on in her love life (although she’d been doing that a lot less since she’d met Tsumugi. There was, thankfully, nothing to bemoan lately. But she was sure, if Shuichi ever updated his social media, he’d lament his own situation enough for both of them.) 

She realized she was spiraling all on her own, though she was sure Kaito could have told her. She was biting the straw of her drink as she grinded her teeth, but she let it go and started sipping lightly instead as she turned to look at Kaito. He was staring at her, his head resting inside his hand where his elbow was propped up on top of the bar. She waved a hand in front of his face, and he just smiled and waved back. 

“You say I need to learn to be more mindful, but I think you could use some more mindfulness exercises yourself,” Maki said, raising her voice, so it could be heard over the girl still performing her heart out in the background. 

“I can’t help it around you,” he replied and took a small sip of his own drink. She wasn’t sure if he got a Coke instead of water to avoid her pestering him about who got water in a place like this, but he didn’t seem to be obsessed with the flavor. 

“Why don’t you drink?” she asked suddenly, and he shifted in his seat to face her fully.

“I tried once,” he admitted, and she cocked her head to the side and gestured for him to go on. “I was such a sad drunk,” he added, laughing at the memory. “It was terrible. I was terrible. I never wanted to feel that pessimistic again.”

Maki, eyebrows furrowed, commented, “I can’t see it. I can’t see you being pessimistic. Ever.” She crossed her arms over her chest and spun around her barstool. “It’s just strange that you don’t drink but smoke.”

He put a foot on her chair to stop her from spinning, so he could look her in the eyes as he spoke. “I’m trying to quit,” he reminded her, and she nodded her head but chewed on her lip. He knew the question that was forming in her mouth before she even had to ask it. “My grandpa smoked all the time when I was growing up,” he said, brushing his hair back out of his face. “Even after he quit, it just seemed like the grown up thing to do.” He sighed and rubbed at his chest like he could still feel the pain in his heart. “I was a stupid teenager. But weren’t we all?”

Maki hummed thoughtfully as she sipped at her drink. She didn’t think back to her days as a teenager all that often, the thoughts usually effectively suppressed- whether by the stress in the given moment or the simple refusal to reconsider the options that had been available to her up to that point. She felt a tightness in her chest as she recalled the days leading up to her eighteenth birthday when she’d already received Botan’s job offer, and, every night, after self defense training, without fail, she found herself staring up at her bedroom ceiling, questioning if she really wanted to put herself in such a dangerous position. But her stomach would always sink when she came to the inevitable conclusion that she had no other real choices. 

She must have physically deflated, or perhaps there was something in her eyes because Kaito seemed to notice she was on a downward spiral, rubbing gently at her shoulder and asking suddenly, “What’s your favorite blood type?” 

She furrowed her eyebrows and turned to stare at him, bafflement written all over her face. “My favorite blood type?”

“Yeah. Like A, B, AB, O?” he listed off, and she shook her head, lifting a hand to brush her bangs out of her face. “Positive? Negative? Blood types?”

“I know what blood types are,” she said. 

“What’s your favorite?” he repeated and scratched at the back of his neck, clearly unsure of himself. 

“I never really considered blood types to be something you could have a favorite of,” she replied, and the nervous grin completely fell from his face. Without a second thought, she dropped a hand onto his thigh and rubbed circles against the denim of his jeans. He seemed to relax a bit at that and loosed a small sigh. 

“What about space ships? Is it weird to have a favorite one of those?” He took a quick swig of his coke, and Maki could tell that he was still anxious. 

“I don’t know enough about any space ships to have any real answer,” she told him, and he ducked his head. But Maki immediately ducked her head down with his, so she could kiss him gently along his jawline, eliciting a sharp gasp from the therapist. “It’s okay,” she murmured in his ear. “I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re okay.” 

He nodded slowly and reached a hand into his back pocket where he pulled out his wallet. He grabbed the first bill he saw and slapped it on top of the bar, despite the fact that Maki knew, even with the bar’s steep prices, he was leaving one hell of a tip. But he didn’t seem to care, standing up from his seat and gesturing in the direction of the door for her to get down too. 

She hadn’t realized just how long they had been there until she saw the sky outside. Sure, it was getting darker earlier nowadays, but the sky was pitch black. She checked her phone and started when she saw that it was nearly midnight. She had to get home- she had to make sure the kids were okay. Den always needed to be tucked in, or else she just wouldn’t sleep, or she’d be riddled with nightmares when she finally did doze off. 

Kaito seemed to understand her sense of urgency, quickly strapping himself in and getting them on the road, although he had to ask for her address and plug it into his GPS first. So she nearly jolted out of her seat when she felt his hand on her thigh, although he was merely rubbing circles over the fabric of her leggings, not unlike she had done to him at the bar. Still, she found her breath hitching in her throat and glanced at him questioningly. 

She wondered if he’d stop the car on the side of the road and what she would do if he did. She could see herself hopping into the backseat without argument, but she tried to remind herself that she needed to get home to the kids. And, thankfully, he didn’t make her choose, continuing to drive, even with his hand inching toward the inner part of her thigh. She pressed her back firmly against the back of her seat, trying to ignore the feelings stirring in her chest and, more importantly, her core. 

She found she was finally able to breathe again as they started moving up the driveway, parking next to the only car that remained there, the one Kaito had asked her not to use that day. She unbuckled her seat belt and turned toward him to merely nod her head goodbye, but, in his attempt to kiss her, he accidentally captured her jaw with his lips. She inhaled sharply but didn’t move her head away. He peppered small kisses down the side of her neck but not so long that he’d leave any sort of mark, although she wouldn’t have minded it if she wouldn’t have to explain herself to everyone else. No one could know what was going on between the two of them, so she’d have no choice but to lie, and Shuichi could always tell when she lied. Because of course one of her best friends had to be a detective of all things. 

Kaito only stopped when he reached her collarbones, as far as he could possibly go without her throwing her blouse and cardigan away entirely. She was finally able to exhale and slung her purse over her shoulder as she stepped out of the car, careful not to hit her own with the passenger’s side door. She turned to watch him go back down the driveway, clutching her purse tightly against her body with one hand and waving with the other. 

It wasn’t until he was out of sight that she felt her shoulders sag. Maybe she should have allowed things to go further. All new sensations pierced her core, and she shook her limbs slightly, trying to get the feeling to go away, as she walked over to the front door. She was just scavenging through her purse for her keys when she felt herself stumble backwards. 

She didn’t understand what was happening at first, her mind so foggy from thoughts of Kaito, but, when the bite of a knife pressed against her throat, her mind slowly connected the dots. She felt a man’s fist gripping one of her pigtails and realized he must have yanked her back with her hair- like someone pulling back on a dog’s leash as they tugged it forward. She couldn’t help the yelp that she released in the heat of the moment, but she was immediately quiet as she felt the knife dig deeper into her skin. 

“You’re gonna give me your keys,” he said, his voice low and husky. She couldn’t see him, but she could tell he must have towered over her. The hand gripping his knife was gigantic, and she could feel his words reverberate through the large chest that had her cornered like some kind of prey running from a predator.

She was about to listen to him, figuring she just needed to get him to let his guard down, and she would be able to subdue him. But the front door swung open, and Maki’s blood ran cold at the sight of Den, this poor little girl, gripping onto a gun with shaking hands. She could feel the man’s body tense against her back, but she highly doubted it was for the same reasons. 

“Let her go,” Den commanded, despite the way she worried her lower lip between her teeth, and her eyes flickered back and forth between the man and Maki. 

“There’s nothing to worry about,” the man tried to coax her. “I’m a friend of a friend here to help our mutual friend out,” he added, and Maki couldn’t tell if he was fully lying. It was always a possibility with the yakuza- friends weren’t always who they seemed to be. That’s why they were always so careful to make sure they weren’t being watched or followed- a thought that made her heart plummet to her stomach. She hadn’t been careful. She hadn’t been checking to make sure no one was following or watching, her head preoccupied with thoughts of Kaito. She hadn’t done her job, and, now, they were all going to pay for it if she couldn’t take care of this man now.

Den didn’t mean to drop the gun. Her hands were simply shaking so hard that it slipped from her grasp like sand through separate fingers. Maki immediately kicked it away in the direction of the bushes, so the man couldn’t just dash off and get it. And he wasn’t stupid enough to try, but, but he did think to lunge toward Den. And, without even thinking about it, Maki launched herself onto his back, slamming her head against the back of his. As he was disoriented and stumbling, she threw all of her weight forward, so he fell onto the ground with her on top of him. 

Her legs were still wrapped around his waist and got stuck underneath him, and she too was disoriented, but she wasn’t too distracted to hear Den ask, “Miss Maki? Are you okay?” That was enough to get the adrenaline pumping through her veins once again, her pain long forgotten. The man tried to get up, but she slammed his face onto the bricks of their patio and captured the wrist that held the knife. 

“Get the gun, Den,” Maki said. Her mouth felt dry. The words were like lead inside it, but Den didn’t waste any time, hurrying over to the bush the gun had gotten knocked into. It took her some time to find it amid all of the foliage, but she plucked it off the ground and hesitantly took a few steps closer to Maki and the man she was now starting to assume had gone unconscious from all of the head injuries. Maki waited a minute to see if he would move though, half expecting some kind of attempted sneak attack. When it didn’t happen, she added, “Take the knife away from him, lock the door, and, then, go call your father.”

Den removed the knife from his hand with ease, the man’s grip on it having gone slack a long time ago, before heading inside to go find a phone. But Maki refused to get up or let him go until she saw a familiar truck drive up, and Botan emerged from it along with a few other men she assumed were high ranking members of the yakuza. They were always careful about who was allowed to see where the oyabun lived, although clearly someone- likely herself as she recalled with a grimace- wasn’t careful enough. 

Maki finally ripped her legs out from underneath the man, only realizing then that they had completely fallen asleep under his weight as she stumbled to get up and off of his back. She really was lucky he had fainted because he would have been able to knock her off of him with relative ease had he been conscious. Of course, she could have slammed his head into the ground again if he tried, but she too was feeling weak from hitting her own head against his. 

She swayed on her feet as she stood up but managed to finally dig through her purse for her keys and walk inside. She immediately saw Den with cheeks stained red by her tears rushing toward her as she fell to her knees, and the world went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m sorry I took a break from writing again when I said I was going to get back into the throes of it. I know it’s been a long time, but I’ve had a lot on my plate with school and ongoing family issues. I’m almost done with the semester though, so, hopefully, I’ll be able to update more once that is over. But yeah. This story hasn’t been abandoned. I will finish it, and I’m super happy we passed thirty thousand words because I’ve never gotten so far in any other story I’ve worked on. And, like I always say, if you do have any feedback, please leave a comment because nice comments are honestly a big part of what keeps me going. But, regardless, I hope you all are doing well, and I hope you’re looking forward to reading more chapters of this story as much as I’m looking forward to writing them.


	9. Chapter 9

Maki rolled over to stuff her face in a pillow as someone turned the lights on to her room. She had been just like this for the past couple of days, spending most of her time in the safety of her own bed where she couldn’t mess anything up besides her sleep schedule. She had only gotten up to make sure the kids got home safely and ate dinner. Even Den hadn’t sought her out for help falling asleep or doing her homework or anything. She seemed to understand the woman needed space right now, and Maki was incredibly thankful, especially after the previous day. 

She knew that, at some point, she’d have to talk to Botan and the yakuza about what happened. They had already seemingly decided that the man worked underneath the man that they had let come to their house after her first session with Kaito. She came to hate him even more than she already did. But she still felt somewhat responsible for what happened, seeing as she really hadn’t been paying attention to her surroundings recently. She didn’t tell the yakuza that though, just about how the man had snuck up on her and caught her in his grasp and how exactly she had taken him down. 

They didn’t seem to suspect her of anything, which helped relax her at least slightly, but she still returned to her bed at every opportunity she had. She wouldn’t let anyone hurt her or anyone important to her if she just stayed swathed in her pillows and blankets. But that, seemingly, wasn’t going to fly anymore. She felt her bed dip underneath someone’s weight and finally decided to look up, surprised to see it was Ena of all people who was coming to check on her. Ena definitely should have been at work at this hour, and she had never shown any real interest in Maki, even throughout all of the years she had been working for the woman. 

“You can’t stay in bed forever,” she said quietly. She said everything quietly, always incredibly soft spoken. It was certainly nice to hear after the yakuza’s line of questioning. “You’re better than this.”s

Maki groaned as she pushed herself into a sitting position to face Ena fully. “I won’t stay forever,” she replied, brushing her hair out of her face. She hadn’t brushed it in a couple of days at this point, and it was starting to get knotty, but she was too lazy to go through all of the effort of doing all of her hair. “I just… need to right now.”

“You say that now, but you’ll be saying the same thing in two weeks’ time if you don’t get up now,” Ena pointed out, reaching to grasp her hand. The woman had surprisingly smooth skin for the wife of an oyabun, but she supposed she spent most of her time working in a flower shop, and that wasn’t exactly grueling work. “Let me help you help yourself.”

“How are you going to do that?” Maki questioned, arching a single eyebrow at the woman. 

“Self care,” Ena said like it was obvious, but Maki’s face remained as it was. Kaito had brought up self care a couple times during their sessions, but she always insisted she didn’t need it and didn’t even know what would help her in the first place. Ena didn’t abandon her like Maki thought she would though. She stood up, but it was clear she expected Maki to follow her.

She groaned as she stood, deeply considering laying right back down again, but Ena didn’t give her the chance, tugging her hand in the direction of the kitchen. She let Maki sit down at the table while she scoured through cabinet after cabinet, eventually finding what she wanted. 

“You like oolong tea. Right?” she asked, and Maki furrowed her eyebrows as she nodded. She had no idea how the woman had learned that, but she must have seen her drinking her usual order from the local coffee shop at some point. 

She leaned her arms on top of the table and let her head rest on them. If she just closed her eyes, she could pretend she was back in bed, tuning out the sounds of Ena making them tea. She stayed there like that until Ena poked her on the shoulder, and Maki was forced to look back at her. She gestured for Maki to move her arms, and, once she did, she carefully set her mug of tea in front of the girl on the table. 

She hesitantly started to sip at it. Ena knew what she was doing, and she seemed just as satisfied as she sat down with her own mug across the other side of the table. 

They sat in silence, but, at least for Maki, it wasn’t a comfortable one. She’d known this woman for years. She had taken care of her children for years. And yet she couldn’t remember ever talking to her for any more than five minutes at a time. She figured she probably hated her ever since the kids had started treating her like a mom, even when she was around to help them with whatever they needed done. 

But Ena didn’t seem irked by her presence. In fact, she seemed to enjoy it, smiling as much as she had ever seen her smile. But she was still just as subdued as usual at the very least. 

“Why are you doing this?” Maki couldn’t help but ask. Ena raised an eyebrow, but Maki shoved her messy hair out of her face to get a good look at the woman. “I could have sworn you hated me.”

Ena paused taking a sip of her tea before swallowing thickly and setting the mug down in front of her. “I’ve never hated you,” she said. Maki watched for any tics that would reveal she was lying, but there was nothing. She just released a heavy sigh. “If anything, I hate myself.”

“What? Why?” Maki asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Ena seemed embarrassed, playing with the string of the tea bag as she thought about how to answer her question. 

“I suppose it’s not all my fault,” she said, finally breaking the silence. “It’s not like Botan’s job made things any easier.” She clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head. “But I could have stayed behind and taken care of the kids. I didn’t need to keep my job. I just liked it.” She glanced at Maki with heavy lidded eyes. “But he could never stay home and take care of them. And I was stubborn about retaining some part of normal life. And I wanted to work the longest hours possible, just so I had somewhere to go that didn’t remind me of what he does.” She chewed at the inside of her cheek, turning back to her tea. “So they had no one to look after them. Besides you.” Her shoulders tensed up, reaching up as high as her ears. “Of course they wouldn’t see me as their mom. That _was_ my fault.”

Maki didn’t know what to say to that, her mouth opening and closing and opening and closing as she tried to find words for what she thought. But she wasn’t entirely sure what she was thinking. She almost said her thanks aloud when her phone started ringing, and she got to look at it rather than at the woman across the table. It was Den’s elementary school’s number, and she frowned as she picked up and held it to her ear. 

“Miss Maki?” That was definitely Den’s voice, although there was a tinge of anxiety in her tone. 

“What’s up?” Maki asked, trying to avoid Ena’s worried gaze. 

“I-I left my math homework at home,” she eventually stammered, and Maki knew she was chewing on her lower lip like she would when she was nervous. “I know you’re tired,” she said, and Maki thought to correct her, but she decided it was probably smart to let her think that was what was wrong with her. “But Miss Hirai says I have to stay inside for ten minutes before going to recess if I don’t give it to her by lunch.” 

If she didn’t care about Den so much, she wouldn’t have thought anything of this punishment. But the fact was she did care, and she knew that Den had been working really hard to get her math homework done without Maki’s help. So she stood up, despite the confusion written all over Ena’s face, and asked, “Where did you leave it?”

“On my desk,” Den told her, sounding relieved that she was going to be able to help her. Maki quickly found it and grabbed her keys from her room. 

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” she said, and she could hear the smile in Den’s voice as she quietly thanked her. “Bye, Den.”

“Bye, Miss Maki.” 

Maki immediately hung up, sighing as she walked to the front door to slip her shoes on. She almost forgot Ena was there entirely and jumped when she asked from the kitchen, “What did they want?”

“Den left her math homework on her desk,” Maki told her as she leaned over to zip up each of her boots. She heard the screech of a chair against the tile floor and footsteps in her direction, but she didn’t look up at the woman. “She has to stay in for ten minutes during recess if she doesn’t get it to her teacher before lunch.”

“I see,” Ena replied, and, when Maki finally saw her, she was pursing her lips like she had something to say, but something was clearly holding her back.

“Do you want to come?” Maki asked, and the woman’s eyes widened- Maki was pretty sure that had been exactly what was on her mind, especially as Ena nodded and quickly went to get a jacket from the closet. 

They were silent as Maki drove them to Den’s elementary school. But it was only about fifteen minutes away, much better than the others’ middle school- that was about twice as far. Still, Maki couldn’t stand the quiet and, eventually, threw on some random radio station. She had to go through several, all playing Christmas music in October, before she found one that wasn’t too festive- or too poppy. 

As they walked inside, Ena paused to glance around the halls, some covered in murals done by students, some just painted different bright colors. She only stopped her wandering when Maki opened the door to the office, and she had to hurry to catch up. 

“How can I help you?” one of the secretaries asked once she was finally done with whoever she had been talking to on the phone. There were little candies on her desk, seemingly for anyone to take, but Maki paid it no mind while Ena took one and put it in the pocket of her jeans. 

“I’m here for Shimizu Den,” Maki said as she took out the sheet of math work and laid it on a counter with other belongings brought by parents, a chapter book here and a lunchbox there. “She left this at home.”

The woman typed on her computer, seemingly to find out what class Den was in, before picking up her phone and calling Den’s teacher. Once she hung up, she glanced up at the two women, who still loitered by the counter, and told them, “You don’t have to stay. I’ll make sure she gets it-”

“Mom?” a voice asked, and all three of them turned to see Den, who was staring at her mother. Her class must not have been very far at all. “What are you doing here?” Then, as if the woman wasn’t even there, she asked Maki, “Did you bring my worksheet?” 

Maki plucked it from where it rested on the counter and handed it over to Den, who was glowing at the sight. 

“Thank you, Miss Maki!” the toddler practically sang, rushing forward to hug onto one of her legs. “I hate staying inside during recess.” 

“Just try not to forget your work next time,” Ena spoke up, and Den glanced up at her and drew her eyebrows together but nodded.

Eventually, Den let go of Maki’s leg and walked back to her classroom, but, when Maki turned to leave the office, Ena tapped her on the shoulder, making the younger woman pause.

“She really sees you as her mom,” she murmured, and Maki didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything, simply turning in the direction of the door again with Ena following suit. 

“Is there anywhere you need to be? Anything you need to get?” Maki asked once they had settled in her car, sticking her keys in the ignition and sighing at the soothing sound of her engine starting up. 

“Do I have to remind you? Today is all about you,” Ena told her while looking through her purse. 

“What does that even mean?” Maki didn’t need a day all about herself. The girl didn’t even celebrate her birthdays (except when Kaede forced her to), and she was sure that at least one person must have noticed. They simply didn’t care enough to ask. It was easier not to, to just ignore. 

“It means relaxing for once in your life,” Ena replied. Suddenly, she added, “Get off at this next exit.”

Maki had to turn the car at a near dangerous speed to follow her directions. “Where on earth are we going?” 

“The spa,” Ena declared, pulling out her phone, which started reading the fastest way to get there aloud. “A mani pedi is exactly what you need right now. And a foot bath,” she added for good measure. 

“I am not getting a mani pedi.”

“You can’t go for just the foot bath.”

“I’m not getting a foot bath either!” 

Ena looked at Maki in the viewfinder. She was a little young to be going grey, but there were certainly patches here and there. “What do you suggest we do then?”

“I can drop you off, and you can get a mani pedi,” Maki suggested.

“And a foot bath,” Ena reminded her.

Maki rolled her eyes but agreed, “And a foot bath. And I can go home and take a nap before my therapy session today.” She winced even thinking about seeing Kaito- she hadn’t told him anything about what happened, and she wasn’t sure whether she was planning on keeping it that way or being honest. Part of her knew that being a good girlfriend meant being honest. The other didn’t want him to be afraid of her living situation and try to intervene when it wasn’t needed _again_.

“You’ve been sleeping too much lately,” Ena argued. Her phone was still giving directions, which Maki reluctantly followed. “You’re just going to make yourself even more tired.”

“I don’t think I can get any more tired,” Maki said. She wasn’t falling asleep at the wheel (thank god), but all she wanted to do was get in bed and lay down like a starfish until she couldn’t hear her heart pounding in her chest anymore.

When Maki pulled into her usual parking spot at Kaito’s office, she drummed her fingers against the steering wheel, nails painted jet black with fine, French tips (it had been Ena’s suggestion, and, apparently, she couldn’t deny the woman of anything, despite how much she wanted to). She ran a hand through her bangs, pushing them out of her face as she pressed her forehead down against the wheel, thumping it a couple times just to feel something. She felt her shoulders droop as she loosed a shallow sigh from her throat where it sat far too heavy to be comfortable. 

She swiped at the door, trying to get a grasp on the handle without looking while she used her other hand to unlock it. She, eventually, found her grip and stepped out of her seat onto the damp rubble, speckled with the fleshy bodies of worms. She crinkled her nose at the sight and, finally, glanced up from the ground as she pulled at her door again just to make sure it was successfully locked. 

She pulled her phone out from her purse as a force of habit as she inched up the stairs, even though she had forgotten her headphones at home and wasn’t about to listen to her music without them, even as she sat down, all by herself in the waiting room. She simply scrolled through the few notifications she had, a couple messages from Kaede about what she should wear for date night with Tsumugi and a “good luck” from Ena that she decided to just ignore.

She caught sight of herself in her screen’s reflection and rewrapped the infinity scarf she’d ordered online a couple days prior around her neck, so it covered the small knife wound on her neck, a small strip of scar tissue that you might miss if you didn’t know it was there- but she wasn’t about to be careful when she worked with innocent, little orphans every week. 

She had debated wearing it to see Kaito. She knew that a good girlfriend would let her boyfriend in on these parts of her life- as would a good patient. But Kaito had freaked out when she didn’t show up for one appointment after she told him she learned self defense for her job. The fact was that this was her job. She’d accepted the offer, and that meant she had to accept the responsibilities that came with it, including keeping even the closest people at arm’s length. 

She, immediately, tucked her phone away when she heard someone coming down the stairs, sitting up straight to look more presentable than she felt. She wondered if she should have checked to make sure the makeup she’d caked onto her forehead was covering the bruising there as well as she had hoped it would, but it was too late to do anything about it as Kaito’s previous patient walked past her to head downstairs, and Kaito sent her a smile that she was sure was meant to look formal but teetered on the edge of a deeper fondness. 

She stood up, despite her legs feeling like jello, and trailed behind him as he led her upstairs. They were both silent, but the atmosphere wasn’t nearly as heavy as it had been when Ena first woke her up. He opened the door for her, standing behind it, and she gave a simple nod of thanks, heading inside, so she could sink into his plush couch. Even if she didn’t love him, she might still pay him for these sessions if only because it gave her the opportunity to sit on that amazing couch. 

When she first contacted him, she thought that sessions would be like they were in all of the movies with her laying down on her back, staring at the ceiling as a man in expensive glasses that repeatedly fell down the bridge of his nose wrote down everything she had to say to store in some file she simply didn’t want to exist. But she sat with her back straight, watching as he sat down across from her with a small sigh. She raised an eyebrow at the noise, but he didn’t seem to be bothered or anything. The breath had simply sat heavy in his throat. 

“You haven’t really been responding to my messages,” he commented, pulling his phone out of his pocket to reread their correspondence. “You’ve never been particularly talkative but still. Is there something I should know about?” He picked his notebook up from his stand and plucked the pen already stuck behind his ear out of place. 

“It’s been… an interesting week,” Maki murmured. Kaito waited for her to continue, but she merely stared down at the coffee table between them, chewing lightly on the inside of her cheek. 

He hummed underneath his breath and said, “Shuichi told me you weren’t at the orphanage this week.” He cocked his head to the side, searching her face for some hidden answer to his curiosity. “Did something come up at work?”

Maki pursed her lips into a thin line and, breathing through her nose, before she could talk herself out of it, unfurled her scarf around her neck, revealing the small wound at the base of her throat. 

Kaito inhaled sharply and stared at her without blinking for as long as he could. “ _What’s that_?” His voice broke as it came out octaves higher than usual. 

Maki glanced up at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears she’d been keeping within herself since that day from bubbling to the surface. “After you left my house,” she explained, risking looking down at him again only to see his face taut with worry, “I went to go inside, and a man came out of nowhere…” She shook her head and ran a hand through her bangs, pushing them out of her face as she slumped her shoulders in her seat. “He had a knife, and he- put it to my throat,” she said, faltering as he fell back into his chair, despite the tension in his back. She was still stating the obvious, but she didn’t know what else to tell him, what else she really _could_ tell him. 

“You fought him off?” The words tumbled out of Kaito’s mouth, which was left hanging agape. “By yourself?”

“I- no,” Maki stammered and felt her fingernails cut into the skin of her palms. She hadn’t even realized she’d been holding her hands in fists. She released them, letting them grip onto the denim covering her knees instead. “One of the kids came out.” 

It was amazing what just the slight widening of the eyes could really communicate. Kaito’s face practically registered the absolute horror she remembered feeling in the moment, and it was a punch to the gut that she could only make him feel that much worse if she continued- something that didn’t seem like a choice anymore.

That was when she finally started to cry, fanning her face and covering her nose and mouth with the other. But nothing could stop the sob she choked out, not even Kaito leaning forward to grab the tissue box for her. It only made her cry harder. It only made her heart clench tighter. She thought it was going to burst on the spot, but, instead, she had to endure that pain. 

“She had her father’s gun,” she whispered, her throat aching as she spoke. She dabbed at her eyes with one of the tissues and glanced anywhere but at him. “But her hands were shaking, so she dropped it.” 

She heard Kaito sniffling too and shut her eyes entirely. “He tried going after it, so I jumped on his back to stop him.” She laughed, but the sound was only bitter, not at all sweet. “I slammed my head into his and forced him to the ground. He was unconscious, but I stayed on top of him to make sure he didn’t get away or hurt anyone else- while I had the kid go call her dad.” 

There was silence after that, besides the pitiful sounds of them both trying to hold back their tears. 

“And you don’t think you should quit after that?” Kaito asked, and he grabbed her hand, so he could rub his thumb across the back of it. She could feel the small callus on his finger and the general warmth he even physically radiated. 

“I’m afraid I’m already too tied up in this to leave,” Maki admitted, and she was surprised because even she didn’t know that was how she truly felt until she said it out loud for him to hear. 

Kaito’s grip on her hand tightened. “Who do you work for exactly?” Despite his question, she had a feeling he knew what her answer would be. 

“Yakuza.” 

Her words were the softest he had ever heard them, and it scared him shitless. 

“An oyabun specifically.” She placed her hand on top of his, feeling the tension in his fingers and trying to assuage his worries to the best of her ability. “I couldn’t leave, even if I wanted to.”

“You don’t want to?” He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to catch her eye, but she refused to look at him. “What reason is there to stay?” 

“I’m not like you,” Maki breathed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I don’t have skills, besides what I’ve been trained in. I don’t have a degree. I don’t have experience. I don’t have options.” 

“You still have time to gain experience,” Kaito argued, but Maki shook her head. “I can support you until you do.”

“That’s not fair to you,” she told him, chewing on her lip. “And it’s not fair to the kids.”

“The kids?” His tone was so flippant. It actually annoyed Maki a bit. “You care more about an oyabun’s family than your own safety?”

“These kids look at me like a mom,” she replied, the words escaping through her gritted teeth, scathing like a wild animal’s bite, “more so than their own mom even. They need me just as much as the kids at the orphanage do. If not more.”

“You realize how self destructive this is. Right?” Kaito asked, and she finally glanced at him to see he held a hand to his forehead, brushing his bangs back out of his face, which was closed off, although she couldn’t tell with what emotion primarily- fear? Anger? “I can’t support this.”

“So is that it then?” Maki’s voice came out like a croak. She still felt like crying, but it seemed she’d cried everything out of her already. She felt dehydrated like a headache was about to come on. “Are we done here?”

“No,” he spoke quickly as if the words couldn’t come out fast enough. “ _No_. We’re not breaking up- if that’s what you’re asking.”

Maki exhaled through her mouth, the knot in her stomach loosening, even if only slightly. “Then what are we doing?” 

“I don’t know,” Kaito admitted, and part of her was relieved she wasn’t the only one so confused. Another part of her wished he had some idea of what to do, if only so someone she trusted could guide her to the best actions to take from here on out. 

“Let’s both just… take some time to think things over,” Maki decided ultimately, and he nodded wordlessly. She pushed herself off of the couch, clutching her purse tightly in one hand and burying her other in the folds of her scarf. “Bye.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he just nodded again and replied, “Bye. Drive safe.”

“Thanks.” Maki’s legs felt jerky as she stumbled toward the door and back down the stairs. Her head hurt, and she felt like she could down an entire bottle of wine. But she knew Ena would be on her case if she did, so she merely drove home and headed back to bed. She felt like she was going to sink into the sheets, but she wasn’t quite so lucky to get an escape like that.

She never was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I’m sorry I haven’t updated this in so long. I swear I’m still working on it. I just had a very busy December and went into the new year very unmotivated. But I’m back now! I don’t know how much I’ll realistically be able to update this when school starts again, but I promise to work on it as much as I can in between assignments. I hope you all enjoyed the holidays, whichever ones you celebrate, and please leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter. Your comments always remind me why I do this in the first place, and I genuinely appreciate every single one so much.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: self harm   
> If you find this subject matter triggering, you might want to consider skipping the first scene in this chapter.

Maki was a light sleeper, something she thanked the god she didn’t believe in for later that night. She wasn’t sure exactly what she heard when she was first stirring awake. She just knew that there was something going on outside her door, and she had to find out what. She didn’t recognize the sound of soft sniffling until she opened the door, and Chiharu, glancing up at her through the mane of hair plastered to the skin of her chubby cheeks, immediately, broke down into sobs.

Maki looked back and forth down the hall, checking to see if anyone else was coming or was even awake, but it seemed everyone else was still asleep or pretending not to hear. So she grabbed one of Chiharu’s shaking hands, which she was holding in front of her chest with the other like someone about to dance like a zombie. They felt wet, and Maki wondered if she had really been crying that hard- and why. 

She flipped on the light switch more out of habit than anything else, and she wasn’t sure if she was glad or not that she did. Once she led Chiharu to sit down on her bed, she went to run a hand through her own bangs only to see that her palm was stained red in the corner of her eye. 

She froze- then, peered down at the younger girl, who was hugging herself as she cried. Maki pulled her hands out as gently as she possibly could, and she nearly choked out a sob of her own when she saw that Chiharu’s hands were covered in her own blood. 

“What did you  _ do _ ?” she couldn’t help but ask, a whisper that went up an octave at the end- she was so scared and confused. 

Chiharu was shaking. That much was obvious as she pulled one of her pant legs up, revealing a bloody mess just beneath the skin of her knee. She pulled up the other leg, and there was a similar sight to be seen there as well. “I-I cut myself while shaving,” she hiccuped, the words tumbling out of her mouth like she wasn’t thinking- before she could stop herself. “And I scratched myself while trying to clean up the blood.” She clenched her eyes shut, two fat, new tears racing their way down her cheeks before plummeting to her lap off her chin. “And I just- I kept scratching myself u-until it stopped making me feel better.” Sobs wracked her small frame, and she asked Maki, as if at a loss herself, “What did I just do?”

She wiped her nose on her sleeve, and Maki finally sank down onto the bed beside her. She’d lost feeling in her legs but quickly grabbed Chiharu’s shoulder and pulled her into a hug. The girl didn’t stop crying for a long time, but Maki gently rubbed her back and whispered any comforting words she could possibly muster while she waited. 

“Hey,” she murmured, poking the girl on the shoulder once she grew quiet. Chiharu finally looked up, and Maki smiled, trying to suppress tears herself. Chiharu’s lips trembled, but she smiled back eventually. “You did a good thing by coming in and telling me,” Maki added, and Chiharu chewed on her lower lip.

“Did I really?” she asked, going to brush her hair out of her face before realizing her hands were still covered in blood and stopping. Maki pushed herself up off of the bed and grabbed one, tugging her in the direction of the bathroom.

“You did. Wash the blood off, and I’ll go get something to clean the cuts.” She made sure that Chiharu was listening before she left, worried she might hurt herself again if she was alone for too long. But she had a feeling Chiharu regretted this at least for now, and that feeling was what kept her going as she headed down to the kitchen to find their first aid kit- any yakuza family had to have one.

She was, honestly, a bit surprised that Chiharu had even come to get her. She was definitely the closest with Den out of all of the kids, but Chiharu could, also, be rather closed off when she wanted to be. She must have been really terrified, which made Maki’s heart ache like it had never ached before. 

When Maki returned to the bathroom, the water in the sink was a light red as well as the wash cloth Chiharu was rubbing up and down her legs. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and started going through the kit to find the best soap for these wounds. She knew hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol could make things worse, so she chose what she assumed was a mild soap and gestured for Chiharu to come over.

She hobbled up to the tub, lifting her leg, so the wound was eye level with Maki. She grabbed one of her hands, and it was still shaking, but she guided it on top of her shoulder to keep her balance steady as she cleaned the cuts. 

She hadn’t realized just how bad it was until it was directly in her face, but she tried not to let Chiharu see it affect her, lest her terror make the younger girl even more upset herself. Maki just kept as straight of a face as she possibly could until the wounds were finally, finally clean. And, then, she put some bandaids on them for good measure. 

“You’re good now,” she told her, pulling her hand off of her shoulder and squeezing it gently. Chiharu stood back on her two feet with a muffled groan, and Maki assumed she’d gotten pretty tired, holding her leg up for as long as she did. But she was a strong kid, especially after all of her training. 

“Thank you,” Chiharu said quietly, finally moving her hair out of her damp face, and Maki pulled a hair tie off of her wrist and held it out for her to take. Chiharu smiled, even if only slightly, as she put her hair up into a ponytail. 

“Go get some sleep,” Maki said, rubbing her head and messing up her bangs. She had school the next day, although Maki wouldn’t argue with her if, in the morning, she decided she wanted to take the day off. 

It turned out that Chiharu didn’t want to take the day off, something Maki felt immeasurably proud of her for as she patted her shoulder an extra time before she pulled her backpack on and headed out the door. Akemi furrowed his eyebrows when he saw the soft smile on her face, a look that was, usually, reserved for Den. But he didn’t comment on it as he trotted after his older sister, never wanting to be too far behind. 

Maki didn’t climb back into bed after they were gone- for the first time that week, excluding when Ena forced her hand. She made herself some tea and opened her contacts, contemplating calling in and saying she wouldn’t be there at the orphanage again that day. She was just about to hit the call button when she heard a knock on the door before the bell went off. 

She cocked her head to the side at the noise but wrapped her scarf around her neck, so it obscured the wound on her throat before heading to open the door. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked, immediately stepping aside to let Kaede in. “Chiharu’s at school, and did we even have a lesson planned for this week?”

“You’re thinking too hard for this early in the morning,” Kaede groaned before yawning loudly and sinking into one of the seats at the kitchen table. “Kaito told me you needed some company, so I figured we could go to the orphanage together. I’ve always wanted to see the place and help out a bit with you and Shuichi.” 

Maki pursed her lips into a thin line, a pang of annoyance in her chest at the thought of her boyfriend enlisting what was essentially a babysitter for her. But she, also, didn’t think Shuichi would be particularly enthused to see the woman. She already talked their ears off enough about Tsumugi when Shuichi would really rather hear about just about anything else. She thought he’d rather watch brain surgery than hear one more thing about her cosplays, and she couldn’t entirely blame him. She was happy for her friend, but watching Shuichi squirm and Kaede not notice a damn thing was starting to get a bit pitiful. 

“You really want to spend your day off, burping babies and helping five year olds comprehend subtraction?” Maki asked, sitting down herself and lifting her mug to her lips. She hummed softly as the liquid warmed her cheeks and scalded her throat- just how she liked it. 

“I wanna see what they’re like,” Kaede replied, propping her elbow on top of the table, so she could hold her head inside her palm and drum her fingers against the skin of her cheek. “I wanna meet- what’s her name? Suzuki? She seems like quite the character from your stories.”

Maki couldn’t help but smile fondly at the thought of the little girl. Ever since she had gotten her thank you note from Kaito, she’d been asking Maki what she had learned last from him every week after her latest appointment. She didn’t know what a therapist was, so Shuichi had explained it as a unique kind of teacher, which she supposed was true, and Suzuki had latched onto the idea like a barnacle to a whale. 

She had some trouble, coming up with kid friendly ways of putting their discussions each week, but she was kinda glad for the one opportunity she really had to talk to people about her time with Kaito- since no one else could really know without them both getting into deep, deep trouble. 

“Well, get ready ‘cause I’m heading out once I’m done eating,” she told the other woman as the toaster dinged, and she got up to pluck her breakfast out from inside. She didn’t bother getting butter or anything, merely munching on the bread as it was. Kaede gave her a strange look, but she ignored it- they’d had this conversation plenty of times before when Maki was hungover and needed some carbs. They had come to accept that they would never understand each other, at least not on this front. She decided against telling her she was planning on calling out before she arrived- because she was, clearly, in cahoots with Kaito, and what would he think if he heard that from her? Nothing good. 

“You have any coffee? Or soda?” Kaede asked, brushing a long, blonde lock of hair out of her face and behind her ear, her eyes peeking open in the tiniest of squints. 

“A soda? At this hour?” Maki asked, crinkling her nose in distaste, but Kaede merely shrugged. 

“It’s early, and I have a headache. I need caffeine, and, if that means I’m chugging Diet Coke at eight A.M., so be it,” she replied, glancing around the room in search of a coffee pot. Maki pointed to where it sat in the corner of the room, probably a bit too close to their printer on the same countertop. But it wasn’t her house. She didn’t get to play interior designer until she started paying for the mortgage.

Kaede inched over to it, pouring herself a mug of what little was left inside. She’d probably be chugging that Diet Coke after all. But Maki insisted, as they stepped out the door to clamber inside her car, that she finish it before they went inside when they got there. Nothing good would come out of a bunch of little kids, seeing someone drink something caffeinated. She knew them. She knew they’d beg for a taste of one of the few sodas they did allow in the house. And they’d bounce off the walls for a couple hours before the older kids got home and moped over the fact that they couldn’t indulge themselves in their still developing caffeine addictions. 

Kaede was still sipping the last few remaining droplets when Maki parked on the side of the road. She recognized Shuichi’s car in the driveway and pursed her lips into a thin line, already knowing he wouldn’t be happy to see Kaede. He’d been even more silent in their group chat than usual over the past couple days as Kaede sent them pictures of different lingerie she was contemplating wearing the next time she saw Tsumugi- she really didn’t have a clue how Shuichi felt, something Maki had had trouble believing until that point. Because she was either completely clueless, or she was secretly awful and torturing the poor boy. And she just couldn’t believe that about her best friend. 

“Hello?” Kaede called out as they finally peered inside, leaning forward as if to get to eye level with the kids while Maki merely chuckled from where she stood behind her. 

“Kaede?” Shuichi replied from deeper within the house, sounding startled, and Maki wondered if she should have warned him that the woman was coming. But it was too late for that now, so she simply told Kaede that she’d sign the two of them in while Kaede trotted into the kitchen to find Shuichi. It seemed that she was no longer suffering from her earlier headache, her usual pep back in her step. 

“What are you doing here?” she heard Shuichi ask, and, after jotting down her and Kaede’s names and the time on the sign in sheet they kept in the hall, she stepped further inside and smiled sheepishly at the distressed man.

“Kaito thought that Maki here needed some extra company,” Kaede told him with a mere shrug, glancing back and forth from side to side as if to sniff out any of the small kids, “so here I am!” 

“Why does he think that?” Shuichi raised an eyebrow in Maki’s direction, studying her face as if it would give him any answers. Unfortunately, it didn’t. She just chewed on her lower lip and shrugged herself. “You haven’t been here in- I don’t even know how long. What’s wrong?” 

“You really think she’s just going to answer that?” Kaede asked with a low chuckle. She knew Maki too well for that- she wasn’t happy about it or anything, but she still knew her far too well. 

“Miss Maki?” a small, high-pitched voice gasped from the hallway before her little body rushed forward to hug onto Maki’s leg. “Where have you been? I missed you!” Suzuki cried, and Maki gently brushed her bangs out of her face, rubbing the top of her head affectionately. 

“I’ve just been resting,” Maki said as she picked Suzuki up and held her on top of her hip. “I needed a small break from things.”

“Have you seen Mr. Kaito?” Suzuki asked, making grabby hands before wrapping her arms around Maki’s neck. “Did he make us another note?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Maki replied and smiled sadly when Suzuki frowned. If she hadn’t been such a mess, maybe he would have made something for them. “But I did see him. He’s doing well,” she told her, and Suzuki nodded her head like she understood. She wished that things were so simple that she ever could. 

“Can I have some tea?” Suzuki then asked, gesturing for Maki to put her down, which she did. 

“I thought you didn’t like tea,” Shuichi said, leafing through a small stack of papers on the table- probably one of the kids’ homework. 

“I like it when Miss Maki makes it,” Suzuki said, and Maki couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto her face. “Because Miss Maki likes making tea.” 

“What kind would you like?” Maki asked, inching in the direction of the cabinet where she knew they kept their tea bags to look through what they had. 

“Oolong tea!” Suzuki cried, throwing her hands in the air. “Miss Maki’s favorite!” 

“Since when did you want to be a mini Maki, Su?” Shuichi asked, shaking his head slightly, although he looked at her with pure, unadulterated affection in his eyes. 

“Since Miss Maki is the coolest and prettiest lady,” Suzuki said, and Maki paused filling a mug with water to stare at the girl with furrowed eyebrows. Her chest felt tight like her heart had, suddenly, grown several sizes too big for it. 

“I think you just haven’t met Miss Kaede yet,” she told her, gesturing in the blonde’s direction. Suzuki turned toward her, glancing nervously between Maki and Shuichi before stepping forward and waving slightly. 

“Are you Suzuki?” Kaede asked, kneeling down to her level and extending a hand to shake. Suzuki hesitated before taking it but nodded her head. “I’ve heard so much about you! These two really love you a lot you know.”

Suzuki’s cheeks flushed pink, and she grinned at the other two adults. “Really?”

“Really!” Kaede said, and Shuichi chuckled nervously but nodded in confirmation. 

“I love you too!” Suzuki cried, hopping onto the chair next to Shuichi. 

“Uh, Eiko’s sitting there, Su,” Shuichi tried to tell her, but Eiko made a tutting sound as she stepped out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen. 

“She can sit there,” the girl said, grabbing her papers and moving them onto Shuichi’s other side.

“Are you doing math?” Suzuki asked, making a face. “Gross.”

“Math is important for you to learn,” Shuichi told her, plucking the easiest sheet of work from the pile to start with. “Even you’ll have to learn this stuff eventually, Su.”

“Do I really have to?” Suzuki crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. “It can’t be that important. I’ve survived this long without it.”

Kaede laughed at that, and Shuichi glanced at her briefly before quickly looking away. “Kae, maybe you should go watch the little ones while Hikaru’s on break.”

Kaede stood up and nodded her head with renewed vigor. “Oh! Of course! Are they in here?” she asked as she crossed into the living room. 

“I’ll go make sure she doesn’t get anyone killed,” Maki murmured, and Shuichi rolled his eyes but laughed quietly. 

“What about my tea?” Maki could hear the pout in Suzuki’s voice as she stepped through the doorframe to where Kaede sat, watching the babies in the playpen. 

“You sure you’re good here?” Maki asked, placing a hand on top of Kaede’s shoulder and furrowing her eyebrows when the woman jumped as if she’d been lost in thought. “You okay?”

“Do you think Shuichi’s mad at me?” Kaede ran a hand through her hair, curling one of her blonde locks around her pointer finger before letting it unravel itself. “Do you think he doesn’t want me here?” 

“Why would you think that?” Maki didn’t want to answer for Shuichi. She didn’t want to touch this subject with a ten foot pole if she was being honest. “He probably just doesn’t like being asked about lingerie while he’s on the job,” she said, poking the woman’s cheek as if she could physically force her to smile again. 

“I wanted to know what he thought,” Kaede whined, brushing her hand away from her face. “I don’t know what to do if he’s mad at me. But he just seems like he wants to get rid of me.”

“If you want to know what he thinks, you should ask him yourself,” Maki replied, pursing her lips into a thin line. If that happened, surely all hell would break loose. But maybe it was about time that all hell broke loose. The three had been tiptoeing around each other for far too long. She, for one, was sick of it. 

“You watch the babies,” Kaede said, and, before Maki could argue that Suzuki was still expecting her to make tea, she had stepped out of the room to interrogate Shuichi. Maki sighed as she sank onto the nearest couch cushion, propping her elbows on top of her knees and hunching over to hold her face in her hands. 

“Shuichi!” Kaede called, and Maki groaned because she really didn’t want to hear this conversation, but Kaede was going to wake the whole house up at this rate- and, then, it would be Maki’s responsibility to get them to fall back asleep again. 

“What is it, Kaede?” She just barely made out the words, nearly buried beneath the weight of a heavy sigh. “Where’s Maki? Aren’t you supposed to be watching the little ones in the playpen right now?” 

“Why are you acting like you’d rather see anyone here but me?” Kaede asked, prompting Shuichi to groan- and, knowing him, probably stuff his own head in his hands. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to see you,” he said. “Eiko, let’s take a five minute break,” he added, and Eiko must have murmured okay because she heard two sets of footsteps spilling into the hallway and hushed voices. 

She glanced at her phone briefly, so she could make sure they really didn’t take any longer than five minutes before scrolling through her notifications. She had gotten a text from Kaito on the way there that made her chew lightly on her lower lip. 

_ Did Kaede wake you up?  _

She wasn’t sure if he was asking because he hoped that was the case or if he was apologetic for sicking the woman on her when she might have been sleeping in. Either way, she replied with a mere  _ No I was up.  _ But she quickly added,  _ Don’t worry _ . She never remembered being quite this nice, and she was sure her friends would be offended they didn’t get this same treatment if they ever saw these messages. But they never would see these messages, so it didn’t matter. 

_ Can I call you? _ he then asked, and she furrowed her eyebrows. Kaede must not have told him they were going anywhere, or he was just ballsy enough to risk talking, even with Shuichi around. She wasn’t ballsy enough though, not when her friend was literally a detective- and one just in the hallway at that. 

_ I’m at the orphanage with S, so I’d rather not _ , she said, and he sent a thumbs up emoji within seconds. 

_ Right. That makes sense. Have a good time. _

She sighed through her nose, her body physically deflating. She didn’t think he understood she didn’t come to the orphanage for a good time- it was probably the most relaxed part of her day, but she didn’t find it fun. It was her responsibility to the kids, those she grew up with and the little ones that grew up with them. 

She put her phone down but picked it up again when she realized she hadn’t heard even the smallest peep from Kaede or Shuichi in a bit too long for comfort. She slipped it back inside her purse and stood up to head into the hall, glancing around to see if Suzuki and Eiko were still waiting, when her eyes landed on her friends- Shuichi with his hands covering Kaede’s pink cheeks and lifting her lips to cover his own. 

“Uh, guys-” Maki breathed, nearly tripping over her own feet in her shock. 

Kaede pushed Shuichi back by his shoulders as if she was scandalized, but Maki had seen her with her eyes fallen shut and knew she wasn’t innocent. “What is  _ wrong with you _ ?” she asked, her voice going up an octave, and Shuichi looked like he’d been slapped. He opened his mouth to speak once, twice, three times not unlike a fish before, finally, deciding just closing it was his best bet. 

“Suzuki?” Maki called after a moment’s silence with the two just staring at each other in absolute horror. “You still want to have some tea?”

“Can I?” Suzuki’s high-pitched voice pierced the air, and it was like Shuichi and Kaede, finally, remembered where they were, turning away from each other in search of the tasks they’d set out to do before Kaede had to ask what was wrong. 

“Thank you,” the blonde muttered as she passed Maki on her way to the living room, but she didn’t sound entirely genuine- probably because she knew she’d been caught, enjoying it. 

“Who’s up for some math?” Shuichi asked, resettling in his seat beside Eiko, who stifled a groan. She’d been hoping for the break to last even a little bit longer. 

Suzuki inched behind Maki as she made herself busy with the tea, and the woman peered down at her curiously. She hoped she wasn’t aware what had really happened, but she knew she wasn’t that lucky when she saw her with her lip caught between her teeth. 

“Are Mister Shuichi and Miss Kaede going to be okay?” she asked as quietly as she could, risking a glance back at Shuichi, who was explaining division to Eiko. 

“They’ll be fine,” Maki murmured, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. “Eiko, do you want tea too?”

“Please?”

“Yeah. No problem.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you guys are doing well and that you enjoy today’s update. I, finally, figured out exactly how I want to end this story, so I’m really excited. But I do start school on Monday, so just be aware that updates still might be a bit slow. I’m hoping to keep up with it, but school’s gonna be my first priority. Please leave a comment, letting me know what you enjoyed about this chapter (if you enjoyed it that is haha).


	11. Chapter 11

“What on earth are you wearing?” Maki asked before anything else- although her brain was brimming with questions, ready to spill out from between her lips, one right after another. 

“What do you mean?” Kaito replied, tugging at the sleeve of his usual, purple jacket. He was actually wearing it like a normal person for once with both arms tucked nicely inside, but that wasn’t Maki’s issue.

“Are those black-  _ ripped  _ skinny jeans?” She stepped out of the way, so he could come inside, albeit hesitantly. Granted, the kids were at school at this hour, and he was aware, now, of who she was really working for. So there weren’t any secrets left to hide. But it still felt extremely intimate to let him inside the home, a place she’d struggled to even let Kaede inside- until Ena let her in without warning, seemingly nowhere near as worried as Maki herself. 

“Rantaro let me borrow them,” he said, scratching at the back of his neck and peering around the house curiously. She tried to remember who Rantaro was- before a head of green hair, heading down a hospital hallway popped back into her mind, something she’d nearly gone and forgotten- perhaps out of sheer horror at that day’s events. “He doesn’t wear them much anyway,” he added as if she was really and truly worried about whether or not his roommate would get his jeans back. 

“But  _ why  _ are you wearing them?” Maki turned on the lights in the kitchen, having been eating her rather bland bowl of cereal in the dark. She just hadn’t felt like bothering to turn on the lights when she could see perfectly fine without them. She had seen Kaito squinting, however, and figured she’d be a good host, even if she hadn’t originally planned on being one this morning. 

“I thought they looked cool,” Kaito said, brushing them off, despite there not being even a hint of dust or dirt on them. “You don’t?”

“They’re… fine,” Maki muttered, shaking her head, so she didn’t have to look at him for too long. 

“You can always take them off,” he commented, and the chair she’d been pulling out from under the table screeched as her hand jerked in shock. 

“What- shut up!” she stammered, her pale face bright red as she stared at him.

He started laughing, and she ducked her head in shame, but he just stepped forward and rubbed her back affectionately. “I’m just kidding,” he told her, “unless you want to.”

“Shut up,” Maki repeated, sitting down with a huff. “You can get your own food.”

“I already ate,” he said, still grinning cheekily. “I’ll be fine.”  
“Whatever you say” Maki murmured, brushing her hair out of her face as she returned to her cereal. 

Kaito picked up the box where it sat beside her bowl and raised an eyebrow. “This stuff looks horrible.” He glanced back and forth between her and the ingredients list. “Don’t you like stuff with… you know, flavor?”

“I can’t win today,” Maki groaned, and Kaito wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a sideways hug. 

“You know I’m just teasing.” 

“Are you? Are you really?”

“Yes!” Kaito replied, loosening his grip around her and crossing his arms over his chest. “You haven’t asked why I’m here,” he commented after a moment, cocking his head to the side to stare at her- immediately zeroing in on her lips. 

“I assumed we’d get to that,” Maki sighed, and he couldn’t help the grin that practically sprung onto his face. 

“Well, ask,” he said, and she raised an eyebrow of her own. 

“You can’t just tell me?” she questioned, and he shook his head. 

“That’s not how things went in my head. I want you to ask.” 

“Why are you here?” Maki, finally, asked, rolling her eyes, although she wasn’t as annoyed as she pretended to be. She found him just as adorable as he reasonably was- if not more, but she didn’t feel like admitting any of that to herself in that moment. 

“I wanted to invite you over to my place,” Kaito told her, and she sat in silence like she was waiting for something more. “No reaction?”

“You’re really not making it seem like you didn’t just come here to have sex with me,” she finally commented, and Kaito scoffed in pure offense. 

“I did not! That’s really not what I’m here for!” he argued, plucking her spoon out of her hand, so she’d finally look back at him, albeit more with annoyance than anything. “I’m serious.”

“I’m sure you are,” Maki said, taking her spoon back with force. “I just don’t think that’s as grandiose of an announcement as it is in your head.”

“Says the one who watched me like a hawk the second I stepped inside this place,” he replied, and she couldn’t argue with that, merely sighing as she returned to her cereal. 

“Would you like me to pretend to be excited?” she asked, more curious than anything, but he just shook his head. 

“I’m sure you’ll be happy once you realize we’re taking good ol’ Haruka back there,” he said, and she nearly fell face first into her food as she dropped her head into her hand. 

“That’s not a good thing either,” she reminded him, but he pretended he didn’t hear that. 

“Just finish eating, and we’ll go,” Kaito told her, and she smiled like she was excited when she really, truly wasn’t.

She’d been to significant others’ houses before, except they’d never been all that significant to her in the first place. Perhaps, she should have been more enthused because Kaito was, genuinely, important to her, but all she could compare this adventure to was any and every booty call she’d ever been a part of. 

However, her body did start to tense up a bit as she got inside Haruka, and she was almost positive it wasn’t leftover fear of dying in the car, although she could never be sure. Maybe she did care just a bit more than she pretended. 

He tapped a few buttons on his phone before tossing it onto the dashboard, and Maki almost started laughing at the music that started playing. 

“Is this kpop?” she asked, and he nodded, a small pout forming on his face at her tone. “Is this that song the girl at the bar was performing?” she added a few seconds later when they got to the chorus, and she found that she quickly recognized the melody. 

“Yeah,” Kaito replied, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm of the bassline. “I liked it. Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Maki murmured, reaching out to push his shoulder gently. “No. It’s fine. I just didn’t expect it to be your style is all.” 

“The song was stuck in my head all night,” Kaito explained, sighing softly through his nose. “I had to google it, or it was never gonna leave me alone. And, then, I just kinda fell down a rabbit hole,” he admitted, the words escaping the corner of his lips as he pursed them- embarrassed when Maki didn’t really care as much as he seemed to think she did. 

“Okay. So tell me what you found through your research,” she told him, crossing her arms over her chest and cocking her head to the side.

He glanced at her through the corner of his eyes, not wanting to take his gaze off of the road. “Wait- really? You wanna know?” 

“Why not?” Maki asked with a small shrug. “Kaede talks my ear off about it enough anyway. Might as well actually learn something about it, so I can talk back.” 

“Okay,” Kaito said, clenching the wheel like he was preparing to swallow his pride, although he lost some of the tension in his shoulders. “Well, this is Twice.”

“Twice?” Maki asked, raising an eyebrow. It was a strange name for a group- at least she assumed it was a group, but maybe they were a duo. She truly had no idea. 

“They’re a nine member group.”

“ _ Nine _ ?” Maki’s jaw dropped, but she quickly picked it up off the floor, lest she lose all dignity right then and there. “Then, why are they called Twice?”

“I wondered the same thing. It’s a little silly to be honest,” he told her, rubbing the back of his neck and steering with one hand for a moment. 

“Hit me with it,” Maki said. “I have to know now.”

“Supposedly, they’re called Twice because they’ll charm you twice,” he said and turned his head to glance in his viewfinder as he made a sharp turn that left Maki holding onto the dashboard, “once, with their music- and, once, wth their looks.”

Maki couldn’t help but laugh at that. She felt bad. The tips of Kaito’s ears got red, and she didn’t want him to be embarrassed, but that was pretty ridiculous to be fair. “You’re kidding.”

“I thought it was a joke at first,” Kaito replied, smiling nervously before forcing his lips down into a straight line. “But no. It’s real.”

“Alright. So that’s Twice,” Maki spoke, reaching a hand up to push a lock of hair out of her face and behind her ear. “So they must be pretty then?” she asked, smirking lightly. “Any catch your fancy?”

“You’re not gonna get jealous over some kpop girls. Are you?” Kaito questioned, raising an eyebrow. “That seems… beneath you.”

“No. I’m not gonna get jealous,” Maki insisted, shaking her head. “I’m just curious! I don’t really care if you find them pretty. I just- if you’re gonna head down the rabbit hole, I want to do it too.” 

Kaito still hesitated, but he murmured, “A couple of them are pretty. Well, all of them are pretty, but- you know.” 

Maki pulled out her phone and started typing on Google, humming underneath her breath as an image of the group loaded. “They are pretty,” she agreed as she zoomed in on each of their faces. 

“Are you- are you into girls?” Kaito asked suddenly, and Maki glanced up at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

“I mean, yeah. Why? Are you gonna get jealous?” She went to slip her phone back inside her pocket, but she decided she wanted to know these girls’ names, even if she probably couldn’t pronounce half of them. 

“No- no. I’m not gonna get jealous,” Kaito insisted, shaking his head quickly. “I was just curious. You know?” 

“I’m pan,” Maki told him after a short moment of silence. “It doesn’t mean I’m gonna cheat on you or anything.” 

“I didn’t think it did,” Kaito assured her, clenching onto the steering wheel again- this time, so hard his knuckles went white. “I’m bi,” he admitted, and Maki’s mouth formed a small “O” shape, “so- I get it. I get that you’re not a cheater.” 

“Good to know,” Maki murmured and turned to face him fully in her seat. “Thank you for telling me. Not that you had to, but- thank you.”

Kaito nodded slowly, smiling gently in her direction. “Thank you too.” 

They were quiet, and it quickly became clear that Kaito had made an entire playlist of this group’s music as one song played after another and continued on after that. 

“I don’t know how to pronounce most of their names,” Maki eventually spoke, looking down at her phone again. “But Momo and Mina- they’re pretty cute.”

“They’re Japanese,” Kaito told her, and she cooed quietly. 

“I knew a lot of girls who liked kpop, growing up,” she commented. They were always playing it in the orphanage. She couldn’t escape it even if she wanted to. “They probably would have liked to move to Korea and join a group too.” 

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t care,” Kaito told her quietly, and she shook her head. 

“I do care,” she said, hitting his shoulder- not too harshly though because he was still driving, even if they were just pulling up a lengthy driveway. “And not just because the girls are pretty. I care because you care.” 

Kaito smiled, but he looked tired- until he parked, and it was like he got a second wind as he stepped out of Haruka and shut her door with almost too much force for the old car to handle. Maki called after him as she stepped out of her, “What’s with you today?” She murmured something incomprehensible under her breath about typical men, but Kaito just flashed her a small smile.

“I’m just excited for you to be here,” he said as he pulled out his keys. Maki found her place behind him, peering over his shoulder to see his little, green alien keychain, even as he seemingly tried to hide it from her underneath his thumb. 

“You’re so jittery” she commented, shoving him gently as he opened the door and moved out of the way for her to go inside. “It isn’t like you.”

“Things just feel.. more real,” he told her as he shed his shoes and put them on the small rack by the door. She quickly unzipped her boots as well. “With you being here, that is.”

“It didn’t feel real before?” Maki asked, making a face. But she knew what he was saying. It felt different as he stumbled into the kitchen to get them something to drink, the wooden floorboards creaking beneath the weight of his bare feet. She still had socks on and lingered by the edge of the room’s countertop, drumming her fingers on the tiles. 

“That’s not what I meant,” he quickly clarified, shaking his head. He took a carton of lemonade out of the fridge and turned around to get her opinion, but she merely nodded before he could get the words out. 

“I know,” Maki murmured quietly, squeezing his arm as he placed two glasses on the counter and started pouring the lemonade. “I get it.”

“You do?” he asked, looking up at her with wide eyes. “You didn’t seem to care when we were back at your place.”

“It’s not really  _ my  _ place,” she told him, picking up one of the glasses and taking a sip. There was pulp left inside. It wasn’t a problem. She wasn’t a child, but it was just something she noticed- the kids at home, usually, preferred it without pulp, and part of her had subconsciously expected Kaito to be the same. “This is  _ your _ place.”

“And Rantaro’s,” Kaito said, and Maki dipped her head in acknowledgement of that small detail. “You wanna see my room?” he asked after she was done with her drink, and she nodded while heading over to the sink to wash out her glass. “You can just leave it in the dishwasher if you want,” he added, and Maki made a small noise of disapproval but opened it after rinsing out the cup. He followed suit once he was done himself. 

“Wait out here for a second,” he told her as they walked down the hall toward a door absolutely covered with space themed stickers. She didn’t know why she was surprised, but it looked like something a little kid would do- and she didn’t know why she was smiling at it, but she was. 

“Okay, come in,” he called through the door after a minute, and she hesitantly opened it, unsure what exactly she was getting into. But, when she stepped inside, all she saw was a projection of stars lighting up the otherwise dark room. “Do you like it?” he asked, gesturing to the ceiling and pointing out a couple key constellations. “Shuichi got it for me for Christmas,” he told her, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“It’s… cute,” Maki said after a moment, staring at the ceiling less so in the awe she thought he probably expected than amusement. He really was like a big kid, but it wasn’t a bad thing. Cute. honestly. was the perfect word for it. “Very you.”

Kaito couldn’t help but grin, but he fought the expression off his face, steeling his features into a more serious look. “Could you go get my bag from the front hall?” he asked, running a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs back away from his forehead. 

“Sure,” Maki replied with a simple nod. Part of her was privy that something was going on as he never forced himself to be serious. He was always very open and honest and just natural about his feelings, whatever they just so happened to be in that moment. So she had her suspicions that he was planning something. But she still plucked the bag off of the front carpet and secured one of its straps over her shoulder before walking back to that garish door, speaking up as she approached it. “Can I come in?”

“Wait just one second,” Kaito said, and she could hear him stumbling about on the other side, but he stopped after a moment, opening the door just enough for his head to peek out and peer down at Maki. “You made me hesitate with how you were talking earlier,” he told her, chewing on his bottom lip. “But I’ve been wanting to take things a step further as long as you’re willing- no, as long as you want to,” he stammered, breathing a small sigh to calm himself if nothing else. “Anyway… come-come in.” And his head disappeared behind the door.

She pushed it open, gripping the bag tightly in her hand. At first, she was confused because all she saw were the same stars that had been there before. But, when her eyes fell upon her boyfriend, she found her cheeks flushing before she even had words to describe what she was feeling.

She was grateful he still had his boxers on because she didn’t know how she would feel if he’d have stripped completely naked while she was wholly unprepared. But his clothes were in a ball on top of his desk, and she was very much feeling hot in hers. 

He reached a hand out, and it took her a few seconds to realize he was asking her to hand over the bag. She hoped it wasn’t too clear her hands were shaking as she gave it to him. He opened one of the pockets and pulled out a small, foil package, holding it up to the light, so she could read exactly what it was, even though she already knew. 

“So- do you want to?” he asked, and he blushed so hard, even his chest was getting red. But she nodded. She’d done as much with people she’d cared for much less than she cared for him. And she’d been implying she wanted to do as much- so, really, what reason did she have not to? 

She took the package from him and tugged lightly on her pigtails, pulling them out of her ponytail holders. She was going to enjoy this. 

It had been awhile since she had just enjoyed something. 

Still, she just had to comment, “I knew it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you all are doing well, first of all. Second, I would like to apologize for not originally putting a trigger warning before my last chapter. I don’t know how it slipped my mind, considering I sent that scene to my girlfriend with a trigger warning before I posted it. I genuinely just forgot. I didn’t intend to trigger anyone, and I’m thankful for the person who pointed out that I should have put one before too many people read it. But, even if I only hurt one person, I’m truly sorry. That was irresponsible on my part, and I hope you are able to forgive me for that large oversight. That being said, this story will continue, so I hope you guys are still able to enjoy the rest of what I have in store. I just recently plotted out the third act, and I’m really excited to share it with you all. Regardless, thank you for just reading this far. It means the world to me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware that this chapter includes a panic attack and references grooming of young adults in the second scene, so, if that would be in any way triggering, just be wary and cautious of the content you choose to consume. If you want to just skip that scene and need a summary, I will provide it at the author’s note at the end of this chapter. Thank you!

Maki had ended up showering at Kaito’s place, or at least she had attempted to shower until Kaito stepped in right behind her, and she inevitably got distracted- and that was despite how tired she was from everything they had already done to each others’ bodies. She had only just discovered just how vast and powerful the body was, let alone what it could do to another. 

She ended up inching out of the bathroom, her legs feeling like little chunks of jello, wiggling against one another and the enviably solid ground they tread upon. She was clad in just a skirt and her honorary T-shirt the kids had made her when she turned eighteen and went from sister to volunteer. It had all of their little handprints on it after they’d splashed themselves in multicolored paint, and, though the paint had mixed in several parts and turned an ugly brown color, she still cherished it like she did few other things in this world. Her body still felt too hot to throw on her cardigan, though she tied the sleeves around her waist, so she wouldn’t forget it. 

She jumped when she saw a head of green hair at the end of the hallway. The man extended a hand in the air, Kaito’s name spilling from his lips as they formed a cheeky grin. When he saw her instead, he paused, and the smile fell from his face, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared at her. 

Kaito yelped from the other side of the door, stumbling as he tried to get his legs into each individual pant leg, and Rantaro simply pursed his lips as it seemingly dawned on him exactly what she was doing there. Kaito slipped past her, waving away the shower’s steam and patting her on the back. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, seeing her face, but he just followed her gaze and worried his lip between his teeth when he saw his roommate. “What’s up?” he asked as casually as he could, but his mouth still twitched nervously, and he rubbed his neck as a low laugh escaped him. “This is Maki.”

Maki gave him a prickly look, badgering him in her head for telling him who she really was. If he just talked to Shuichi, he could easily put two and two together, and they’d be dead meat. But he didn’t seem to think they needed to be cautious, at least nowhere near as much as she did, stepping up to the man and wrapping an arm around his neck. “Why don’t the three of us get something to eat?” 

“I have work to do,” Rantaro told him, and Kaito sighed but didn’t seem surprised. 

“You’re always working.”

“You try studying to be a nail tech. It’s a lot of work.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Kaito replied, nudging him with his shoulder. Maki had no idea being a nail tech took that much work at all, but she supposed she’d just have to trust him. “Alright. Let me know when you’re done, man, so I can bring you some food. You’re too skinny.” 

Maki raised an eyebrow at that. Kaito was quite skinny himself, but she supposed she could see what he meant as Rantaro slipped behind his door- one that looked quite plain in comparison to Kaito’s on the other side of the hall. 

“Let’s go, Maki Roll,” he said, and she paused walking to stare at him. 

“You haven’t called me that in awhile,” she replied, peering up at him curiously. 

“Do you still not like it?” he asked, and she shook her head.

“No. It’s fine. I just- I’m surprised, if anything, that I do like it,” she admitted, and he grinned wolfishly. 

“Alrighty then. You’re Maki Roll from now on,” he announced. “Rantaro, she’s actually Maki  _ Roll _ !” he called, making Maki surprise even herself as she laughed. 

“Kaito, I told you I’m working!” the man called back.

“Alright. Alright! Have fun with that,” Kaito replied, waving him off and turning the corner, Maki following close behind him. “Where do you want to go eat?” 

Maki paused, wondering that herself. She thought of the cafe she and Kaede tended to frequent, but it just made her remember when she found out Kaito was in the hospital, causing her chest to ache in pain. “Surprise me,” she murmured, and he raised an eyebrow.

He opened his mouth, probably to ask if she was alright, but he seemed to decide against it, simply nodding his head and saying, “Alright. Taco Bell it is!” 

“Oh god,” Maki groaned. She was going to regret this in a couple hours. 

It didn’t take as long for things to become a problem as she thought. The Taco Bell had gone down fine, but she felt her heart fall to her stomach when she stepped into the cafe- she’d told herself to get over the past when Shuichi invited her- and saw Kaito at one of the booths. 

“What- what are you doing here?” Maki whispered when he called out to her upon looking up as the door jingled. She sat down on the opposite side, letting the strap of her purse fall from her shoulder as she laid it on the table. 

“I’m here with my best bro Shuichi,” he said, grinning widely. “Why? What’s wrong with that?”

“I’m  _ also here with Shuichi _ ,” she told him and watched as the grin fell from his face. She could feel her chest starting to tighten and didn’t even notice she was breathing erratically until he took her hand in his.

“Hey. Hey, Maki Roll, it’s okay,” he told her quietly, peeking up every few seconds, lest Shuichi come and see them like this. “Breath with me. In through your nose, hold for four seconds, then, out through your mouth. With me.” He tried showing her, and she tried to follow his lead, but Shuichi paused at the table when he saw her, hunched over with her head in her hands. 

“Is she okay?” he asked and cursed quietly under his breath. “Maki- Maki, don’t be scared. Is she gonna be okay?” he questioned again, and Kaito nodded, albeit hesitantly. 

Then, Rantaro walked in, pausing by the door when he saw Maki dip her head to avoid his eyes. “I didn’t think this would happen,” he told Kaito, pushing his sleeves up his forearms absentmindedly. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“I know,” Kaito replied, words still biting, despite themselves. “I’m sure I know what you thought would happen.”

“Maki, I was just worried,” Shuichi told her, sitting down beside her as if to shield her body from the rest of the world. “When Rantaro told me what happened- you have to understand what I thought back to. The version of you that I saw- making her dreaded return.”

“It’s not like that,” Maki said between breaths. She was still trying to pay most of her attention to Kaito, but her eyes darted to Shuichi’s, fixing him with a sharp glare. “I’m not an idiot.”

“I didn’t say you were,” Shuichi insisted. “That would imply that any of this was your fault. It’s not.”

“ _ It’s not like that _ ,” Maki repeated because he, clearly, wasn’t listening to a word she said. But he shook his head, and she gnawed on her lower lip so hard she felt the irony tang of blood in her mouth. 

“What are you talking about?” Kaito, finally, asked, glancing back and forth between the two of them. “It’s not like what?”

Shuichi wrapped an arm around Maki’s shoulders, tugging her in close as if that made it okay as he spilled what she had thought would forever stay their secret since the horrific event had first happened. 

“She tried to go to college,” Shuichi spoke, even as Maki gripped his collar like she would kill him without a second thought. “She didn’t know what she wanted to study, but us volunteers wanted her to go if she wanted to.” He licked his lips with a sigh as he dropped his gaze to the table, where he played with his fingers. “She interviewed there, and the Dean of Students… took some interest in her.” 

“How old was he?” Kaito asked, his eyes searching Maki’s face until she stuffed it in Shuichi’s neck. “How old was she?” 

“She was eighteen at the time. He was probably around his early thirties,” Shuichi said, and Kaito swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, pressing a hand to his forehead as he struggled not to cry. “It started out with dates around town. Those could have been explained away as interviews.” 

“Shuichi…” Maki murmured, her tone watery. 

“What couldn’t be explained,” he went on, grabbing the hand that was still at his collar and holding it as tightly as he could, “was crying in his bathroom, saying he wanted to do things-” He cut himself off as if he wasn’t sure if he could finish his sentence. “He wanted to do things she didn’t want to do anymore, and I had to come pick her up. I had to save her.” He nodded in her direction. “Her words. Not mine.” 

“You didn’t tell me this,” Kaito said after a minute, his voice sounding strained. Rantaro patted him on the back gently. 

“Listen. I was worried at first about you losing your job,” he told him, crossing his arms over his chest with a sigh. “And not just because I care about our rent getting paid. I care about you, and you love this stuff, no matter how much you love… some girl.” He coughed into his palm, quickly apologizing, “I don’t mean to- I’m just saying what I thought at the time, when I saw you in the house.” 

“I get it,” Maki murmured, gesturing for him to go on with a shaking hand. 

“So, when I talked to Shuichi about it, and he told me more about Maki, I thought- I can’t let this go any further without saying something,” he added, brushing his hair out of his face and exhaling through his nose. He glanced at Maki, who seemed to have calmed down for the most part. “You okay?”

“Just a bit numb,” Maki replied, her voice thin. “I get why you guys did this,” she said eventually, and Shuichi smiled sadly. “But,” she said, pulling her hand out of his and folding them on the surface of the table, “I genuinely don’t think this was either of us being dumb. I think we mean a lot more to each other than that.” 

Kaito nodded, although he was starting to get teary eyed. “I love her. I genuinely love her.” 

“Just… think about this a little more before you guys see each other again,” Shuichi pleaded, standing up and watching to make sure Maki was breathing clearly. “I’ll get us some food.”

“I’m leaving,” Maki told him before he could go, standing up behind him. “Don’t bother.” 

“Are you sure?” Shuichi asked.

“Maki…” Kaito muttered at the same time. 

“I’m fine,” Maki said, pulling the strap of her purse over her shoulder and heading in the direction of the door. “I’ll talk to you later. I need to just… drive around right now. I have some- I have thinking I need to do.” 

It wasn’t clear which one she was talking to, but, regardless, they let her leave like that. Although they both turned their phones off of silent mode in case she needed them- or needed anything really. 

It didn’t take long for Ena to help her find a new therapist. She would have asked Shuichi since he seemed to have the connections, but she was pretty sure that was only because he and Kaito were friends. Ena had someone she’d been seeing for years, who knew their situation about as well as anyone in her position reasonably could. 

Her name was Mina, last name Kimura, and she was very quiet but very kind, even as Maki took long pauses while she decided what she could and couldn’t bear to tell the woman. She told her about her past with the Dean of Students, something she hadn’t told anyone herself in a long time. And she told her that she’d been seeing her “doctor” for the past few weeks and how that had all started. 

She wouldn’t tell her Kaito’s true identity. She wouldn’t put him and his career at risk like that, but she found that it helped to be honest with  _ someone _ .

“Have you read  _ The Handmaid’s Tale _ ?” Mina asked once she was done, and Maki merely raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve heard of the show,” she offered quietly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her seat. “But no. I haven’t read the book.”

“But you know what a handmaid is,” Mina said, and Maki nodded slowly. “There’s a scene where Offred- that’s the main character- goes to the doctor,” she told her, flipping through some papers on her lap and adjusting her glasses with a single finger. “He wants to impregnate her, something they could both die from if they get found out. So she refuses. But she has to think about what the doctor could do to her for refusing him.”

“What do you mean?” Maki asked after a short pause. Mina seemed to assume she knew where she was going with the analogy, but she simply didn’t know enough about the book to connect the dots, however obvious the link was. 

“He could easily claim she has some kind of illness, something that perhaps makes her sterile, and she could be sent away to all of the other women that can’t benefit society the way it wants them to,” Mina said. Maki just stared. “Now, thank god, we don’t live in a society like that today,” she added, and Maki nodded slowly. “But the fact remains that doctors and their patients have a power imbalance that you don’t want to cross.” 

Maki watched as she plucked a Starburst from the small bowl on her desk and pulled the wrapper off of it, though it didn’t come away cleanly, bits of it stubbornly sticking to the candy before she was able to rip them away piece by tiny piece. Her office was much less comfy than Kaito’s. The couch wasn’t as soft or inviting, and she had jagged drawings taped onto the wall beside her, which Maki could only assume were by her kids. Several included what looked like a small family with two women and three short children, though all of their stick figures lacked necks for some odd reason. 

Mina, also, had a small bookshelf behind her with the usual psychology tomes like the latest version of the DSM and a couple guides to cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapy- as well as the occasional odd title like  _ Monkey Mind  _ and  _ Stumbling on Happiness _ . And her eyes almost skimmed over it in her curiosity, but, sure enough,  _ The Handmaid’s Tale _ was there as well. 

“I don’t think he would do anything that bad to me,” Maki finally murmured, and Mina’s shoulders fell as she chewed her lip.

“There are lots of things people in power could do, whether or not they will,” she stated, flipping a tuft of hair over her shoulder and looking up at the ceiling as if it could give her the answers she wanted. “A doctor could always give you medications that won’t mix well,” she said first, breathing a small sigh, “so you have to keep coming in and seeing them. You could, also, become just as dependent on them as you are on your medication.” 

Maki didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t on any medication, and she was afraid of outing Kaito as the real issue if Mina learned that small fact. 

“They could, also, potentially ask you to do things for them, so they’ll treat you,” the woman added as she read the short page in front of her. “They would be known as the acquiescent partner, in that case.” 

“They wouldn’t do that,” Maki said, but Mina peered at her over her glasses.

“Everyone says that until they realize they already have,” she told her. “Has this doctor done anything that has made you feel… I don’t know. Like he doesn’t respect you? Maybe even like a kid?” She crossed her arms on top of her desk, but she appeared to be bouncing slightly as she tapped her foot underneath it. 

Maki didn’t want to think about the question- because she had been in that position before. She wouldn’t miss it if it started to happen to her again. She would be on top of it in an instant. But that’s not what she said. “He called my friend, who sees him every once in a while too,” she lied through her teeth about the last part, but she was being more honest than she wanted regardless. “He had her look after me for a little bit,” she said, “but that’s only because he was worried.”

“Did you feel like a kid?” Mina asked, and Maki paused for a moment before nodding. “Then, his intentions shouldn’t matter. He crossed a line, and you forgave him because you didn’t want to complicate an already overly complicated relationship.”

“I didn’t think of it like that,” Maki admitted, tugging lightly at her red cardigan, so it covered more of her torso. “Are you really sure?” she asked, staring at her desk and pulling a Starburst from the bowl for herself. It was as tough a pill as any to swallow, and she intended on swallowing candy with it if she could. 

“I can’t tell you what to do, Maki,” Mina said, covering her hand with her own when it was reaching inside the bowl. “I can only make suggestions. But, if you’re asking me what I suggest, it will always be to leave this relationship behind. Find a new doctor. Find someone who will treat you right, who won’t overstep boundaries that are put in place for a good reason.” 

Maki nodded slowly, ripping the wrapper off of the candy. She’d picked up a lemon flavored one, and, although it wasn’t the cherry she preferred, she’d accept it like it was what she had really wanted. “I understand.” 

“Good,” Mina replied and ducked her head, so she could look her directly in the eye. “I’m glad.”

Maki thought that she was doing a pretty good job, following Mina’s advice. At least that’s what she told herself as she gently pushed Eiko on the swing set at the local park. The sun was just starting to set, the sky one big blur of orange and pink, and her small heels sank into the mulch before she slipped them off her feet and tossed them onto the wet grass. Her toes wiggled as the bits and pieces of wood chips and leaves bit into the soles of her feet.

“Remind me why we’re here again?” she asked as Eiko hummed some song she’d never heard on her way up and down and back again- probably the theme song of one of the kids’ shows she’d see them watching, stuff that looked absolutely nothing like what she watched when she was a kid. 

“I got all A’s this quarter,” Eiko paused her singing to tell her. “Mister Shuichi said I could go to the park and celebrate, and you volunteered to take me.”

Maki sighed through her nose. She knew that was the case, but she’d really only volunteered because she needed the fresh air. Being confined to a small house overrun with even smaller children with only Shuichi left to help was not how she would prefer to spend her Wednesday, not when the last time they had actually spoken was while she was having a panic attack. She’d really rather not think about that day all together any more than she already had to. 

“Are you alright?” Eiko asked after a moment more of silence than she would have liked, lowering her legs and slowing the swing, so she could talk to her properly. 

“It’s nothing- I’m fine,” Maki stammered, gripping tightly onto the swing’s chains just to feel something. “None of the other kids got all A’s?” she asked after a second, and Eiko merely shook her head. “What are we tutoring you all for if you can’t get A’s?”

She knew that was too strict. She herself had never gotten straight A’s, especially not when she was their age. But Eiko just commented, “Suzuki got tested for something- I think AHDD? The school thinks that’s why she’s not doing good in math.” 

Maki pursed her lips as she exhaled and nodded her head slowly. “That would make a lot of sense actually.” 

“Yeah. So don’t blame her,” Eiko said, and Maki cocked her head to the side to look at the girl. Eiko wasn’t normally so protective of the younger kids, but Maki thought she had started acting differently since she stayed in the hospital however many months ago. 

“You’re acting like Shuichi and I,” she commented, beginning to push her lightly again, and Eiko followed her lead. “Why is that?”

“Someone has to while you two are fighting,” Eiko said, and Maki stopped pushing her, moving back like she’d been stricken. “What? 

“We’re not fighting,” Maki told her, stepping forward again to help her.

“Then, what’s wrong?” Eiko asked, turning around to look at the woman. “Why aren’t you talking like you used to?”

“Mister Shuichi told me something that I needed to hear,” Maki said quietly- and slowly like she was thinking through every word that came out of her mouth. “I’m just… struggling to accept it.”

“Was it something bad?” Eiko inhaled sharply as she reached new heights on the swing, the wind rifling through her long, brown hair. 

“It was… something complicated,” Maki replied, not wanting to tell the young girl all of the gritty details of their exchange. 

“Is this why you’ve stopped talking about Mister Kaito?” 

Maki swallowed the giant lump that formed in her throat, barely managing to get it down without choking on it. “I guess you could say that.” 

“How’s Miss Kaede?” Eiko, then, asked, and Maki could tell she was throwing her a soft ball as the tension in her shoulders became more and more obvious. But it wasn’t really the soft ball she thought it was.

“She hasn’t been talking to Mister Shuichi, let alone Mister Kaito,” Maki told her, shaking her head at the thought of her friend. As far as she knew, she had no idea what had occurred between them because she wasn’t talking with anyone but Maki at the moment, who really didn’t want to tell her either. 

Everything was just so  _ complicated _ . 

That was the word Mina had used, and she wasn’t wrong. That was the thing. She wasn’t wrong about any of it, but Maki so desperately wanted her to be. 

She didn’t know what it was like for life to be simple, but she had thought she had felt it for a moment there while she was with Kaito. He simply made her happy, and that was more than could be said about anyone or anything else. She had decided not to think about how what she thought was love had led her wrong in the past, how she never seemed to choose the right guy, or perhaps the right love never chose her. 

She had really thought that she could just ignore everything that was wrong about what they were doing, and it would turn out okay through her sheer will for it to be so. But Mina was right. She had a feeling Mina would always be right- and Shuichi and Rantaro too. She should be grateful that she had people looking out for her. She hadn’t always had that, but why did it have to hurt so much if it was supposed to be the right thing?

She hadn’t been pushing Eiko for a while, simply pressing her hands to her back as if to make sure she was still there but not applying any real force. And, suddenly, Eiko jumped from the swing at its highest height- before Maki could realize, let alone warn her otherwise, and she hissed as she fell onto the ground on her knee. “Miss Maki, it hurts,” she groaned as she rocked back and forth, her hands getting tiny spurts of blood on them as she tried pressing down on the wound, so it stung less- and as fat tears started leaking out of her eyes.

Maki hurried toward one of the park benches where she had dropped her bag, which, now, had a first aid kit inside at all times after what had happened with Chiharu. She ripped it from its place underneath her wallet and twenty thousand receipts for oolong tea and, promptly, dropped to the ground beside Eiko. “You shouldn’t have jumped like that,” she told her quietly as she cleaned the cut. It had bits and pieces of mulch stuck to and inside it, and she tried to remove them as gently as she possibly could, but there was no way it wasn’t going to hurt. 

“I asked you if I could, and you just kept mumbling to yourself,” Eiko said, and Maki’s heart clenched inside her chest, which, suddenly, seemed too small to contain it. “I thought I’d land on my feet like a cat. Did you know cats always land on all fours?”

“I did,” Maki murmured quietly, breathing a heavy sigh as she wet a small bar of soap and rubbed it gently over the cut. Eiko pursed her lips into a thin line, so Maki knew it had to hurt, but she didn’t make any noise, probably for her sake. She paused for a moment to rub Eiko’s head and rustle her hair. “You don’t have to pretend to be strong for me, you know.”

“I’m not pretending,” Eiko said as she exhaled through her mouth, but the pain was clear in her tone. “I am strong.”

“You are,” Maki agreed as she put everything back inside the first aid kit. “Can you stand?”

“I think so,” Eiko said, groaning as she pushed herself up off of the ground. She held out a hand to help Maki up, which the older woman took, inhaling sharply through her nose as she let a hand rest akimbo and glanced back in the direction of the swing set. 

“You wanna keep playing, or are you ready to go home?” she asked before jumping as her phone started buzzing from its place in her pocket. She pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID, chewing on her lower lip when she saw the name. 

“I can keep playing,” Eiko said, wobbling in the direction of the large, green slide. “Don’t worry about me. Talk to whoever it is.” 

Maki wanted to argue with her, but the girl had ran away before she had the chance to get a word out. She breathed a heavy sigh as she sank onto the park bench beside her bag. “Hello?” she asked- quietly as if anyone was around to hear. 

“Hey,” Kaito replied, sounding happy or perhaps just relieved she picked up. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he said simply. There was no arguing with the statement- it was obvious already to the both of them. “I hear you got a new therapist and everything.”

“Did Kaede tell you?” Maki asked. She had been so sure the woman was avoiding anyone she knew through Shuichi besides Maki herself. 

“No. Shuichi did,” Kaito told her, and she could tell he was chewing on his lip with the way it muffled his words. “Apparently, the kids asked why you weren’t seeing me anymore, and they asked if- I think her name was Mina… if she was your new teacher? Like when you go up a grade and get a new teacher.” He laughed, but his voice shook as he said, “I guess that’s how they saw me?”

“It was the only way I knew how to explain what a therapist was in terms they’d understand,” Maki admitted underneath her breath. “But yeah. I’m- I went to see Mina.”

“Was she any good?” Kaito asked after a moment. “I mean, I’m sure she wasn’t better than me- but how was she?” He was just joking around- until he wasn’t. 

“She was good,” Maki said and cleared her throat.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to ignore the advice I’m sure she gave you,” Kaito told her. “Just this once. Then, you never have to talk to me again if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to talk to you,” Maki replied but paused to take a breath. “I do. It’s just… hard to know what I actually  _ should  _ do.” 

“Ignore that for now,” Kaito said, “if only for my sake.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, biting the inside of her cheek and looking up to check that Eiko hadn’t gotten herself hurt again. She was just going up and down and up and down the slide, which Maki couldn’t imagine was all that fun, but she wasn’t a little kid anymore. She didn’t see things the same way they did. 

“There’s gonna be a rocket launch this weekend,” he said suddenly. “I was wondering if you’d go with me- for old times’ sake if nothing else.” 

“I know nothing about rockets or space or anything like that,” Maki reminded him. 

“I just want you to be there because you’re you, and… it’d make me really happy.” He grew quiet, but Maki was just able to make out his words. 

“I… guess I can come,” she, eventually, gave in, and Kaito cheered on the other line. 

“I swear you’ll like it. You can’t not like a rocket launch. They’re the best,” he rambled, and she had to wonder just how many rocket launches he had been to- probably as many as he could in his twenty-something years of life. She didn’t know why she was even surprised.

“I have to bring one of the kids back to the orphanage now,” Maki told him once he had quieted down, watching as Eiko stepped in her direction, seemingly all tired out. 

“Oh. Of course. Sorry I- I didn’t mean to distract you from your work,” he stammered, and she just shook her head, though she knew he couldn’t see it.

“You’re fine. I’ll see you on Saturday?” Maki asked. She was just assuming the launch was on Saturday.

“Yeah- yeah! Saturday! Okay. I’ll see you then,” he said, and Maki couldn’t help but chuckle lowly at how nervous he sounded. She supposed she should have been flattered that she could get him to act like this, but the thought just made her sad- because it would be one of the last times she got to see him like that, if not the last that she got to see him at all. 

“Bye, Kaito,” Maki breathed, and he told her goodnight before hanging up. She hadn’t noticed it, but the sky had gotten quite dark, which meant it was definitely time to take Eiko back. 

“You were talking to Mister Kaito again?” Eiko asked, and Maki nodded, hoping she wouldn’t ask too many questions. But she just nodded, seeming to understand what Maki herself even struggled to understand. That didn’t matter though as Eiko slipped her hand in hers, and Maki flung the strap of her bag over her shoulder, grabbed her shoes, and led her in the direction of the car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know it was a lot to stuff in one chapter, but it didn’t feel complete without each and every scene. Please let me know if you’re still enjoying this because I have some surprises coming up that I’m really excited about. We’re in the home stretch, and things are about to get super interesting- at least in my opinion. But, anyway, please remember to stay safe and always wear a mask. I know it’s weird reading and writing scenes in a time where we don’t have to wear masks, but it’s still important! And yeah just thanks for reading this far. It means the world. 
> 
> Summary of scene 2: Maki goes to a cafe and sees Kaito. They both realize they’re there with Shuichi, and Maki starts having a panic attack. Shuichi and Rantaro enter as Kaito is trying to calm her down. They discuss a previous experience of Maki’s in which she was groomed by an older man, hence why Shuichi is worried about her relationship with Kaito. Shuichi offers to buy them all food, but Maki leaves, saying she needs to drive around a bit and just think things over.


	13. Chapter 13

Maki thought she would fall asleep on the car ride to the space station when Kaito picked her up. He had told her to get up at six AM, and she’d been convinced it was a joke until he reminded her to set her alarm, and it was clear it wasn’t a joke to him. Thankfully, he played some music as they drove to the place that was just poppy enough to keep her awake without being irritating- more of the kpop they’d listened to last time, although it seemed he had expanded to a few more artists than just Twice. 

He handed her a cup of oolong tea as she got comfortable, and she thanked him quietly, although she felt her heart pounding in her chest. He’d taken note of what she liked, and she hadn’t expected the kindness from anyone other than maybe Kaede. But this was such a sincere gesture and from someone she wasn’t meant to see anymore after today. It made her focus on breathing- slow and deep, so the weight on her chest might just lift if she kept at it. 

“Do you always get up this early for these things?” she asked after taking a sip of her drink and humming under her breath at the pleasant taste on her tongue and the slight warmth in her cheeks. She assumed this wasn’t his first time, partly because this was Kaito they were talking about and partly because he seemed to know exactly where he was going, even despite the bleariness in his eyes. 

“You have to get up this early if you want to get anywhere close,” he replied, and she furrowed her eyebrows, wondering just how many people really showed up for these things. “It’s a different experience when you’re right up against the fence.”

“I would imagine so,” Maki commented before lifting her drink to her lips again. 

It seemed it was true what he said, that they needed to get up that early. When Maki stepped out of the car, she saw a row of people already lined up behind the fence. 

Kaito sighed quietly. “You can’t get up close all the time,” he told her with a small shrug, but Maki squeezed his arm gently. 

“I don’t mind,” she assured him, and he smiled and nodded. “We’ll still be close anyway. It’s not that many people.”

“I just wanted you to get the experience of standing right behind the fence,” he said as he started leading her forward, a hand pressed lightly against her back. “It’s different, clinging on tight as the rocket starts to launch,” he told her, “and you can feel the astronaut’s nervous energy like you’re them, and it’s yours.” 

“Do you know anything about the astronaut?” she asked as they found their spot, nestled between a couple several years older than them and a kid around Akemi’s age, holding his iPhone at the ready for filming. She stood up on tiptoe to see past the man in front of her, eyes roaming over the rocket. She didn’t know anything about rockets. As far as she knew, this was the first time she’d ever seen one, but it looked exactly like it did in the pictures- large and impressive, made of steel and likely the efforts of countless engineers. 

“They’re the first nonbinary astronaut,” he said, and she looked at him in surprise. “At least that we know of.” 

“It really is history,” she mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her tight. 

“I know,” he replied, nodding his head. “That’s why I wanted you to come. It’s an entire event, more than any other rocket launch I’ve been to.” 

It took a long time for things to actually get started. Someone with a microphone would announce they were ready for the launch in ten minutes. Then, they’d have to redo the calculations to make sure everything was just right. And, then, they’d be ready again only for some other equation to need to be done. She quickly stopped trusting them saying they were ready, but, eventually, it really happened.

She could feel Kaito holding her tight as if she herself would fly away. He didn’t seem to notice though, simply leaning forward in anticipation and throwing her the occasional lopsided grin. 

The nozzle, a term she only knew because Kaito whispered it in her ear, breathed out the exhaust like someone clearing their sore throat, all hot air and loud noise. And, suddenly, the rocket was soaring through the air, up above their heads that it had once been on level with. 

“And there goes transgender history,” the announcer spoke, and someone in the audience cheered, leading the rest of them to yell back. “Flying on the air like words in the wind.”

Maki felt tears on her cheeks before she knew she was crying. She wasn’t transgender, but she knew someone in the crowd had to be, if not many of them, and she could feel their happiness like it was expanding in her own chest. Queer history was all of their history, and she knew Kaito felt the same way as he brushed tears off her face. His own eyes were glassy, but he’d stay strong for her like he always did. 

“You can cry,” she told him between her sniffling, laughing at how silly she felt for ever doubting this would be something amazing. “You don’t have to hold back just because I’m here.” 

Kaito clenched his eyes shut at that, and the tears did, finally, fall. She kissed his cheek as they ran down his face, kissing them away and making him laugh. “I haven’t cried at one of these in a long time believe it or not,” he told her, and she raised an eyebrow. “Really! I, usually, only do it when I’m at the fence,” he said before smiling down at her. “I’m just that happy to have you here.” 

Maki’s breath hitched, and she shrugged his arm off of her shoulder before turning to face him and physically lowering his head, so his lips crashed against hers. “I love you,” she murmured between kisses, and he sighed while shaking his head.

“It makes me sad,” he admitted, “that I don’t have that much longer to say it. But, my god, I love you too.” 

“Don’t think about that,” she told him, her gaze roaming from his lips to his eyes. “Don’t think. Just do.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he said, leaning down and capturing her in another deeper kiss. 

It seemed neither of them wanted to leave the other right then and there. They stopped at a small diner on the way back to Maki’s place where Kaito argued that his waffles were infinitely superior to her pancakes (although he really just kept pointing out the fact that his had syrup pockets). She didn’t feel like arguing back and simply asked if the rocket launch was everything he had expected and wanted it to be. 

He was shocked she even needed to ask, and maybe she had felt like it was a stupid question too, but she just wanted to keep the conversation going before it, inevitably, had to stop. And he seemed to feel the same, rambling a little about when the rocket would land back on solid ground here and a little about his new interest in kpop girl groups there. She didn’t mind any of it, although she teased him a bit just for the heck of it. He seemed to realize she didn’t mean it, faking offense but not really taking any of it to heart as far as she could tell. 

When he pulled up to Maki’s place, his shoulders were tense, raised up to his ears’ level. She just undid her seatbelt and reached to hold gently onto his arm. 

“Are you coming in?” she asked, and his eyes widened. She knew he wasn’t expecting to go inside, not when there were probably other people inside, and they were supposed to be splitting up once and for all. But she wanted him to come in anyway, and she didn’t think he’d make her explain for that. 

“Sure,” he replied, quickly undoing his own seat belt and unlocking both of their doors. They stepped out into the cool autumn air that was just starting to get a bit more crisp and cool, although neither of them seemed to mind, him with his usual jacket and her with her own cardigan. It wouldn’t be enough in the coming months, but, for now, it would suffice. 

“Hello?” Maki called out as she opened the front door, standing on one leg as she unzipped one chunky, black boot before hopping onto the opposite to undo the other. 

“How was it?” Ena called from the kitchen, poking her head in the doorframe and pausing when she saw Kaito. “Oh. Hello,” she said, blinking in surprise at Maki bringing a guest that wasn’t Kaede. 

“Miss Maki!” Den yelled, rushing in to hug onto the woman’s leg. Chiharu and Akemi followed close behind her, although neither was anywhere near as excited as Den.

“Hi,” Chiharu said, waving while chewing lightly on her lower lip.

Den seemed surprised to look up and find someone she didn’t know standing there. “Hi,” she quietly repeated, hugging tighter onto Maki.

“Who are you?” Akemi simply asked before hissing as Chiharu elbowed him in the rib. “What? We’re all thinking it!”

“You’re such a typical man,” Chiharu huffed, and Kaito laughed at that, stepping forward once he had slipped his shoes off to rub both of their heads, rustling their hair a bit, affectionately. 

“Name’s Kaito Momota,” he told them, leaning down to their level. “I’m sure ol’ Maki Roll’s had a bunch to say about me.”

“Never heard of you,” Akemi replied, and Chiharu and Den nodded their heads in silent agreement. 

Kaito nearly fell over, glancing back at Maki with furrowed eyebrows. “What the heck? How could you have nothing to say about me? I’m me!”

“Unlike you, I’m not a blabbermouth,” Maki said, shaking her head. She still couldn’t believe he had just told Rantaro who she was without any hesitation. If he hadn’t, they wouldn’t be in this situation. But she knew she had to stop thinking about the past. It was one of Mina’s favorite sayings- not to cry over spilled milk. 

“I’m Ena,” the woman cut in, walking up to him and extending a hand to shake. He took it and used it to stand back up.

“Are you one of their sisters?” he asked, and Maki struggled to hold back laughter. Ena didn’t look terrible for her age, but she  _ was _ starting to go grey. She definitely wasn’t any younger than either of them, and she was sure he knew that- but he, clearly, thought flattery would get him somewhere.

“That’s a funny joke,” Ena said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m their mom,” she added as if he didn’t really know that. 

“Your husband’s a lucky man,” Kaito told her, and Ena glanced sideways at Maki who nodded in silent confirmation that he was in the know of their situation. 

“You could say that,” she agreed before brushing off her jeans and looking around for each of the kids. “Come on, you three. These cookies aren’t going to bake themselves.” 

Chiharu and Akemi followed her without another word, but Den tugged on Maki’s hand, prompting her to look down at the girl. 

“Is he…” she started but trailed off, pointing a finger in Kaito’s direction. 

“He’s good,” Maki reassured the girl, picking her up and holding her on top of her hip. “I promise. No need to worry.”

Den nodded, and Kaito inched toward them, wary of the little girl’s nervous expression. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you, even if you haven’t heard about me,” he told her, and she cocked her head to the side. “Miss Maki cares about you all a lot. She never stops talking about you.” 

“Really?” Den asked quietly, and Kaito nodded. She smiled, although she was still obviously a bit wary. “You can let me go now,” she told Maki, who quickly set her back on the ground. “I don’t want Chiharu and Akemi to crack all of the eggs before I get the chance.”

“Of course,” Maki said, and Kaito gave her a small thumbs up as she headed into the kitchen behind her siblings. Maki, then, glanced at the man beside her before turning in the direction of the staircase. “Follow me,” she told him, grabbing one of his hands and leading him up to her room. 

When they got there, she promptly tossed her bag onto her desk before jumping onto her bed with a heavy sigh. Kaito wandered around the room a bit, just staring at the rather minimalist design, before she got impatient and patted the open spot beside her. “Come on. Don’t leave me hanging.”

He sank into the plush surface, exhaling through his nose as he laid his head on the single pillow resting against the wooden headboard. “It’s very you,” he said after a minute, and she turned to look at him with a single raised eyebrow. “The room. I’d expect nothing less from you,” he explained.

“We can’t all be interior designers,” she joked, poking his side. Her room really was so plain compared to his with its stickers and lights set up everywhere. Her room was more functional than anything, but that was to be expected. 

“So what do you want to do?” he asked after a while, and she merely shrugged. 

“I didn’t think we had to do anything,” she commented, and he nodded silently. “Unless you’re bored,” she added, but he just shook his head.

“I’m not bored,” he told her, turning onto his side, so he could look her in the eyes. “I could lay here forever as long as it’s with you.”

It made her heart physically ache in her chest, knowing they didn’t have forever- not even close. They weren’t even supposed to have now, but she’d choose to ignore that because this was all she had ever wanted. 

They just stayed there for what could have been minutes, or it could have honestly been hours. Maki wasn’t sure. She just knew she really liked the additional warmth she had, laying there with him beside her. His body heat was nice, and she hoped he felt the same way, although, if he didn’t, he never complained. 

Her phone buzzed from inside her pocket, and she exhaled through her mouth as she pulled it out and into the palm of her hand. The number wasn’t anything familiar, and she considered just letting it go to voicemail. But Kaito had propped himself up on his elbow as he stared at her, waited for her, so she picked up. 

“Hello?” she asked, her voice a bit rough around the edges before she cleared her throat softly. 

“Is this Maki Harukawa?” the man on the other end asked, and she furrowed her eyebrows. Who was this? Who would be looking for her of all people- and with her full name at the ready?

“Yes. I- this is she,” Maki said, and she felt her grip on her phone tighten before going slack as he spoke, nearly dropping it in her lap before she caught it and pressed it to her ear again. She could feel her breath like it was a drunk man banging his way into her lungs, far too drunk to go home to his wife and kids, so he crashed at an old friend’s place, an old friend that didn’t like him much anymore but had no excuse to ask for the spare key back. It wasn’t quite an intrusion but danced right on the fine edge of being one. 

“Maki Roll?” Kaito brushed her hair out of her face and lifted her chin to look her in the eyes, but she clenched them shut as she counted to ten in her head. If it still felt like someone had wrenched her heart out of a bloody gash in her chest at ten, she’d ask him to take her to the hospital, and she’d spill every last thought to him on the way before the red wetness could get the chance to dry on her. 

“I’ll be there in half an hour,” she finally said and hung up, her hands visibly shaking as she tucked the device back inside her pocket. She opened her eyes to look at Kaito, but they were, immediately, obscured by an entire pool of tears. Her breath only came to her in wheezes as she burrowed her head into his neck.

“Where are we going?” he asked softly.

Maki hadn’t wanted to go in, looking the way she did with eyes stained red from her insistence that she could just rub the tears away if she tried hard enough, her cheeks still glistening under the light from the sheer wetness. Kaito had insisted on holding her hand as she walked inside, but she decided at the last minute that she wanted to walk into the room itself on her own. She didn’t want her worlds to crash so soon after the last time, and she didn’t want him to see her cry so soon again either. 

“Maki,” the man breathed as she slipped through the door, and she paused to look at him, breathing in sharply, before closing the door and sitting down on one of the chairs strewn about the room. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“That was intentional,” Maki said, her tone biting, but he didn’t flinch, just sighed quietly and shifted onto his side with a short hiss. 

“I’m glad to see you,” he told her, reaching out to brush her hair out of her face, but the chair just screeched as she moved clear out of his range. 

“Why was I your emergency contact?” she asked. He was silent, and she probed him, “Mr. Hayashi?”

“Why are you calling me that?” he replied, raising an eyebrow. “You used to call me Ichiro.”

“I  _ used  _ to. You’re right,” Maki said, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back in her seat. “I  _ used  _ to be a different person.”

“I don’t believe that,” Ichiro told her, smiling gently like she was a stray animal he was afraid of scaring off. “You’re still the same old Maki.” 

“Why was I your contact?” Maki asked again, moving her hands to her sides and clenching them into small fists. 

“Because we used to be that close a long time ago if you’d ever believe it,” he huffed, and Maki flinched at the annoyance in his tone. He was never good to be around when he was annoyed. “Look at me, Maki,” he told her, and she did, if only so he wouldn’t keep that tone. “Don’t you care that I’m hurt?”

“It’s your fault,” Maki replied without a second thought. “They said you were driving while drunk.”

“That’s true,” Ichiro sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “But you act like I killed someone. It’s not like I hurt anyone.”

“You… what?” Maki asked, feeling like the open ocean waves had swallowed her whole, and she couldn’t see further than a foot ahead of her, let alone gasp for air. “What did you just say?”

“I never hurt anyone,” he repeated, moving to sit up and extend a hand for her to take. “Come on. Hold my hand like the old times.”

“You… didn’t hurt anyone,” she said, slowly like she had to process each word individually. “You’ve gotta be…  _ fucking _ kidding me,” she finally spoke, slapping his hand away and standing up in a flash. “Are you actually insane?”

“What are you talking about?” Ichiro asked, retracting his hand, so he could run it through his hair, moving the overgrown strands and their dead ends out of his face. 

“Miss,” a doctor said, stepping toward her. She hadn’t even realized he had walked inside, but he certainly noticed the aura radiating off of her. “Miss, he only just woke up. He might be a bit disoriented- he might not be all there yet,” they insisted, but Maki didn’t care. She didn’t have the capacity to care in that moment. 

“I don’t give a rat’s ass if he just woke up!” she yelled, nearly stomping on the man’s foot. But she just turned back to Ichiro, pointing a single accusatory finger at him. “You didn’t hurt anyone? You made me run into a knife like- like it was as comforting as any hug I was bound to get.” She wound an arm back like she was going to punch him, but the doctor physically pulled her back away from the bed. She shoved his hand off from her but stopped her threats, resorting to just biting into the palms of her hands with her long nails. “Get your paws off of me.” 

“Miss, I think I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” he said, opening the door for her to go but not touching her again just like she’d asked- he seemed afraid of her if anything, and she found she didn’t regret striking that fear inside of him for a second. 

“Whatever. Call his parents or whoever. I don’t want to hear his name or see his sorry excuse for a human face ever again,” she practically hissed. 

“Maki-” he tried to argue, but the doctor shushed him as she left. 

“Don’t you know not to try a woman that’s angry like that?” the doctor asked as the door shut behind her, and she just shook her head. They were idiots, all of them.

But she had her own idiot to return to. 

She was about to simply make her way outside when she heard a familiar voice ask, “Am I allowed inside now? Is he awake?” 

She was just going to glance their way, make sure it wasn’t someone she really knew, but she stopped in her tracks when she saw the small man, still shorter than her with medium, purple hair and a checkered scarf tied around his neck. His voice was, naturally, high pitched but took on a softer tone as he stepped toward the nurse, a bouquet of flowers clenched between both of his hands. 

“I’m afraid he’s still asleep,” the nurse murmured, and he clenched his eyes shut as he sighed. “But, as far as I know, you should be allowed inside.” She squeezed his shoulder gently before walking in the opposite direction. “I’ll check with the doctor for you.”

“Thank you,” the man stated, groaning softly as he sat down on one of the uncomfortable, plastic chairs they had all over the hallway. It took a minute for him to feel Maki’s stare on his face, but, when he, finally, looked back at her, he grinned like a cheshire cat, although the tiredness in his eyes was still obvious. “Oh look. The maid is back.” He shook his head as a laugh bubbled up from his throat. “How’s old Botan doing? He okay?” 

“You were the one that sent that man after me,” Maki said, her hand forming a fist by her side. “You’re the one that tried to hurt his  _ kids _ .”

“Hurting the kids was never part of the plan,” he said, sounding offended but only for a moment. “He simply made the mistake of showing me where he lived.” His tone was light and airy like he would never take responsibility for what he did, even if you tried to threaten him with bodily harm.

Maki might have tried it if she didn’t think the doctor still had an eye out for her, just waiting for the moment to call security. “I hope you’re happy to have traumatized a five year old girl,” she replied. She could still see Den, her hands shaking as she held her father’s gun so hard that she dropped it. 

“I was much younger than that when I was inaugurated into this world,” he told her, crossing one leg over the other and jostling the foot in the air around like he was tapping it on the ground. “It’s not that bad.” He laughed again, but the way he inhaled once the sound had escaped his lungs made Maki shiver. “It’s the worst!”

“You’re insane,” she said as if it wasn’t obvious, but the man just shook his head like everything she had to say was so funny. “If you ever dare to send someone after those kids again, I won’t hesitate to kill you the next time we meet.”

“Oh please. I’m over you people!” he told her, slapping his thigh. “You’re way too boring. I mean, all you did to stop him was hit him in the head with yours. So _ uncreative _ .” He shook his head before looking straight at her for the first time. Maki shuddered at the true sight of his eyes. The depth and darkness was startling. “ _ You _ don’t need to worry about me.  _ The world _ needs to worry about me!”

“Whatever that means,” Maki murmured, walking past him, her legs feeling stiff like they had fallen asleep, even while she was standing. “Just stay away from them.”

“Bye, Miss Maid!” he called, and she chose not to say anything in return because it would never end pretty. 

Kaito had returned to and was waiting for her in the parking lot, leaning back against the hood of his car with his arms crossed over his chest and headphones plugged into his ears. He took them off, immediately, once he saw her walking toward him though. “How’d it go?” he asked, and she just stood next to him, lowering her head into her hands. “That bad?” 

“He said he never hurt anyone,” she murmured, and he cursed quietly. 

“Bastard.” He pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back as gently as he possibly could. “You okay?”

“I nearly punched him,” Maki admitted, and he actually laughed at that.

“I wish you did,” he told her. “He deserves it for everything he’s put you through.”

“I would have if the doctor didn’t walk in.”

“He couldn’t stop doing his job for a minute and let you at him?”

He really was an idiot, but she sighed and replied, “I know. Right?” 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and let his chin rest on top of her head. “I’m proud of you,” he told her, and she raised an eyebrow.

“Why would you be proud of me?” she asked, glancing up at him, who grinned dangerously. 

“The last time you saw him, you hid in his bathroom until Shuichi came and saved you,” he pointed out. “Now, you nearly throttled him while the man was on bed rest.” 

Maki hummed underneath her breath before smiling, even if just slightly. “I guess you’re right. I did do that.”

“I’m always right,” Kaito gloated, and Maki, immediately, rolled her eyes at that. “What? I am!”

“Sure. Whatever you say,” she replied. “And I’m an astrophysicist.”

“They all go to every rocket launch they can,” Kaito pointed out. “You’re on your way there.”

Maki breathed a sigh, letting her head rest on his collarbone. “I love you.” 

“Does that mean you’ll go to more rocket launches with me?”

“Well, I kinda have to for my future career in astrophysics.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you are all doing well. Unless I figure out something new I want to add to the story, the next chapter should be the final one. I’ve had a great time, writing this story and reading all of your comments. They really do make me feel so happy and have revived a lot of my old confidence as a writer. So I just want to thank you for everything and hope you’re excited for the next chapter, whether or not it does end up being the finale. Please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter though. It felt very pivotal for me to write, so I hope it came off pivotal to read. Regardless, stay safe, and I hope you enjoy wherever this story has left to go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying the story. It would mean the world if you left a comment. What was your favorite part of this chapter?


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